Hi all,
Just wanted to give an update..
Three weeks later, I'm still riding the "high" wave.
What is so astonishing to me is this - I've been at this (spiritual transformation) in one or other form for years. Even after practising AYP methods for a year or so (the "full plate"), I did not think I had made much progress. Reading about people's experiences on the forum drove me to frustration at times. So much so that I stopped visiting the forum for a while.
When I landed at the airport in PA, I had not had the time in the weeks leading up to it to think about the retreat. For a change, there were no expectations. Perhaps the thought was that I would leave feeling unfulfilled, like I had on other occasions.
But, was I in for a MAJOR surprise! At the retreat, I didn't have energy surges or such experiences (I did have a profound vision of my ishta during the Saturday evening session). What I did a LOT was cry -this began on Saturday at lunch and continued into the following week. Have not the faintest idea what this was all about. Being the devotional type, I loved the kirtan sessions. And even though I had no prior knowledge of Insight Dialogue and didn't *feel* any openings during the ID sessions, I know now that they did happen (BTW, that book/teaching is exactly what I needed - thank you Katrine). When I left PA (with a raging sore throat, which I was told was purification), I thought it would be back to normal as soon as I landed home.
But was I in for a bigger shock! It seems I have forgotten what "normal" is. The first two weeks, I went about my days in an altered state of mind - like I was here, but not really. I felt (very pleasantly) withdrawn from everyone, did not feel like talking much (a big shocker to those who know me
![[:D]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile_big.gif "Big Smile")
), and immersed in the bliss of expanded silence enveloping me on all sides and from within. A minty feeling appeared in my heart area and stayed constant for days, now migrating up or down my spine at random. I couldn't wait for my practice sessions twice a day - between practice sessions, I made it through, just waiting to get back to my meditation seat. I had two profound experiences of a buzzing/vibration in my spine that was ecstatic, once in the middle of the night after a daylong fast and the other at the temple on Diwali day. Last week, I finally began to feel more "connected" with people. Throughout this time, I've had a surreal sense of witnessing - everything happening on a movie screen.
Since the retreat, I've had loss of motivation to pursue various things, but I know this will pass. I've begun to question (without actually making an effort) the importance of so many things I do. This too might pass..
Mostly, I'm completely flabbergasted that all this could've happened after ONE retreat - how is this even possible? Especially because I was so "under-sensitive" before this. I feel more "open" (for lack of a better description), like surrendering happened at some level in that meditation room at Mensch Hill without being conscious of it.. because everyone was so accepting and loving. Perhaps it is because of that surrendering that everything else followed. Whatever the cause, I can say that that retreat has made the
most difference on my path. Clearly, the combination of activities at the retreat was "just right" for me.
While I don't know how long this will last - the silence, the bliss, the "minty" spine, I will live in it while it is happening
![[:)]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile.gif "Smile")
. AT LAST!!
kami
