Our Journal

[Neesha]

Saturday 14th August,2010

With eyes wide open I feel emanating within the heart chakra anticipation for flight, fear followed soon. A gentle rocking sensation of my bed with me sleepy-eyed,realizing a burst of energy coming from mother earth.....the bed gentle swaying from side to side quickly the fear wth me dissipated

It was a 5.1 earthquake on the Richter scale.

From my past experience the last major earthquake give me a 2 hour alarm ahead.....perhaps because of the intensity. A need to move forward in my practices to become more aware again....I have been lapsing...

I awoke late as usual.Said a speedy quick prayer-my guru mantra

I was Suppose to jaap "Om namah Shivaya" before having any contents to fill the stomach..A bit lazy I guess...it happens when you hardly ever have the weekend off work.

Tea and a sandwich for breakfast with multi-vitamins....some daily chore with our new pet and the morning fresh air under the trees do fullfill the prakiti I would need for the day

A visit to gym was quite eventful and painful.....followed by a 6hour nap......I slept last night did I go astral travelling again to require so much sleep?

Night time

The need to jaap,chant something is there. The kid is off to bed

A small prayer will do now. An attempt to chant throughout the night will occur but I will multitask at the same time maintaining the momentum and breadth required.  I will be studying tonite.How much chants done is really till I suffice....which is never..or if I need to put down my Rudrakash mala to chat on MSN with someone.

Nothing affects my mood or state of mind while I multi-task....

In between I will read a "Katah" of Mother Durga or Lord Shiva".I will not hesitate to polish my nails in between.

Movements cannot be done too fast during chants........you'll end up with a headache or a head rush...

My night is continuing right now....
My goal........today.....be more focused on myself tonite....thread carefully,focus on thoughts, (
yet consciously tune in to the incoming conversations from friends families,wellbeing of my friends and families....)
See how best I can move up back the spiritual ladder after having fallen so many times.....

[Neesha]

Sunday 15th August,2010

I went to bed this morning 4am...got up 8am...

Oops I missed temple session I have been trying to attend to for the past 2 months

A simple morning prayer in english and done hurriedly....daily chores,cleaning

missed lunch since I had to go to a 3 hour class on sunday....

Missing meals gives u tension headache

My tension headache came late afternoon....4 hour delay....

Stress from class always follows.....and worries and all the colourful scenarios in life

Please stop and calm down and focus....calm down...

you can't meditate with an uneasy mind, broken lunch schedule....

I am just breathing ,trying to empty my mind....sitting under the trees....

The earth is my home and the sky is my roof (my guru always say)

This earth is mine.This earth is mine.this earth is mine.
Relaxation takes an hour....longer than usual delay.....I'm stressed about my situations ,other people situations......etc

Night time.  my son prepared for bed, lights go off.....

or "wait mummy I'm hearing static" he says.Don't worry baby that's just lots of energy around, just sleep.

Lights off once again....."hey Mom look there he is again....."

Lord shiva he is right behind you. I said yes I know, he wants to know what to do today....he's awaiting prayers from everyone go sleep now.

I lit the deya in the room(we are not supposed to)fire hazard etc....the altar is in the room( not suppose to be there either)

He sprints up again.....hey Mom there's Lord ganesh now......I told him they are probably having a meeting....go sleep now.....

I spent the rest of the night till 3am jaaping and frustating myself over php code(suppose to be easy stuff) till 3am.

There is an innate desire to find a proper place for the angels or whatever you call them....

If this was a form of hallucination or psychosis I wonder where do I go and how will we be treated....

My solution self pace prayer.....understanding reality from unreality
,comprehending that some people can see the other dimensions.....and continuing  uneasily with prayer.

[Neesha]

Monday 16th August,2010

Another beautiful morning....but we missed the early morning air....its 8am too hot already.

The dog poop cleaning ritual continues.
My Dad goes to the hospital....a strain of dengue....

the uneasiness in the household calm down.....

As I continue with my daily tasks on my vacation....its a normal working day for staff who wish to have conversations about me....I feel their thoughts and words....

As I wash the dishes....I regularly chant the gayatri mantra ( a ritual since I was 3yrs) this mantra came to me....not from a guru but from God.It successively refine the faculties of the brain for greater potential....etc

With so much details and activity....I go through the day....
I relax with my son and puppy....and stare into nothingness appreciating peace of mind.....in the back of our house....

Night time....I made a lota of water offering to the Shiva Lingum after 6pm saying the afternoon prayer for the general well being of the home family,friends,mother earth, praising the deities for their good work and for reducing negativity in general. I also pray for the general well being of other worlds (lokha) etc

Sometimes I forget how wonderful it feels when a genuine prayer is offered. My guru always say "we know the wonders and goodness of offering prayer,yet we are lazy to do such things"

My dad is back from the hospital they can't seem to find whats really wrong with him now.....he's o.k.

Night time jaap of 3 malas(108 times one mala),chants of Om Jai Maha Kali clears up the head a bit.

A green smoothie of fever grass tea(lemon grass)with a slice of eggless chocolate cake suffice me for the night.I did indeed slept well throughout the night.

[Neesha]

Tuesday 17thaugust,2010

It is always the ones that are close to you who know exactly how to hurt your feelings.

I never thought today would be so heartbreaking.  I thought I would not be affected by such an emotional rollercoaster.....

I did jaap(chanting of mantras) while my 11yr old son crawled all over me with his unending chattering.....I acknowledged him.....

5minutes of attention and they run back to their activities.

The noisy household clatter does not affect me,neither the casual conversations outside the house of the flood victims streaming into the governmental office out front below.

I am aware...and as I continue to sink into the silence of breath and heart I continue with my brief meditation....releasing myself

until my son jumped on me...

I am neither startled nor angry I enjoy a moment of play.


Moving along with life,keeping myself active and worry free. I remind myself to repeat the gayatri mantra in my mind.

As I prepared for my daily prayers I lit incense passed it around my altar nine times in humble offering to all nine sisters and the other saints on my altar. I passed the incense in a clockwise motion with a thought vibration to purify cleanse the room windows and doorways....to purge of all negative vibrations and to block incoming ones too.  This can be done for the entire property also.

This maintains the sanctity of the space the altar occupies.

As I left the room and before entering I am always amazed at the heightened vibrations immediately raised. A simple thought vibration successful again.

Gym snd recreation with friends....give me the opportunity to share my emotional rollercoaster of concerns....giving me a sense of relief....everyone needs this.....social creatures aren't we

I am focused more than ever now.

I remind myself of my weekly goals,a review of my activities for call out to work even though I'm on vacation....I mentally prepare myself for rest of weekly activities that I was not supposed to be aware of......

I am setting the pace of training for the inhouse workers....a positive and productive one.

I guess we shall see the results 2morow.

[Neesha]

Wednesday 18th August,2010

A quiet day at home with domestic activities kept me occupied.
I am focusing on heightening my senses...its taking a toll on me...

I need to refine my mind some more before I could move on to the finer faculties.

I am feelin the energies moving like a huge wave in my head.....
I take a nap.....yea I am consciously awake because I am too lazy to do my studies so i sleep in hope it will go away.

I got up.....without an alarm clock.

My evening classes are always stressful to those around me.....

My nights are longer......since I can't sleep.My Guru once told me to relax on the jaap in the late of night because the build of energy will keep me awake.....

All hindus suppose to light the afternoon deya in the front or back of the house.

I lit it momentarily said my prayer and made sure it was out.....(saftey reasons)

My bedtime 4am.


It usually lights back for itself.

I have been calm throughout the day.....no outbursts,no shouting at kids,pets etc....no anger.....just inner stillness and quietude

Jaaping are formula for the human body...employing these formula in the correct state of mind do indeed have its benefits

[Neesha]

feel free to ask questions.....and comment....I'm o.k with it

[JDas]

quote:Originally posted by Neesha

feel free to ask questions.....and comment....I'm o.k with it

Thank you for posting that, for giving us a window into your mind. Makes me realize omg how different we all are, surely carrying around individual universes, processing our experiences so differently.

blows me away.

Love binds us. I believe.

Love to you and yours.

Jon

[Neesha]

Hey Jdas,

Nice to meet you....I never at any point in time thought I was different in processing my daily activities with respect to spirituality.  You made me aware....I was beginning to wonder what sense this journal is going to be anyone!

I'm glad you appreciate it.....Thanks for letting me know.Did I make a positive contribution to you in any way.....or am I just another "mad hatter"?

[JDas]

quote:

Did I make a positive contribution to you in any way

That's a good question! I'm one of those folks who questions just about everything, so I don't really know what 'positive' means, lol. I suppose everything we do here on this plain is positive in one way or another, is so far as it applies to what we are doing to move on in our journeys. Let me rephrase it so my mind can properly answer your question: 'Did your post at the time that I read it spawn a feeling of connectedness with my experience? Did I feel something about who you are?'

Yes it did. Your post was very specific in its description which I find is rare which tells me that you are really in tune with the fluctuations of your mind. I don't think that I am. So insofar as your post gave me another palette from which to contrast mine, yes it was positive.

quote:

.....or am I just another "mad hatter"?

LOL. Not a mad hatter, just another human being which of course might be just a synonym for a 'mad hatter'. In any event, I applaud you for putting this out there, exposing yourself like that, very rare in my experience.

Love.

Jdas/Jon

[Neesha]

Hey Jon,

I cannot capture everything....sometimes its the little details that makes a big difference....I do leave out alot of small stuff.

[Neesha]

Thursday 19th August,2010

As I casually took my time to work into the city of Trinidad.....just as I suspected there was a cancellation.....The conversations of me on Monday, my reading was accurate.....they forgot to call me and inform me.

Miracles do happen I get back my two days.

A visit to my lecturer's office made me realize it is he, who for all these years I have been sending students for assistance.......and I didn't know who it was.  Yes I do connect to people from time to time.  He seemed to be very stressed.....now I know the real reason for my visit.

The thoughts of my cousin and her family that lingered during the week......proved to be correct.They are in Trinidad and wants to see us.

I completed my main tasks for today and head home.

I do a few jaap in between and take a nap.  I was drained just intereacting with people because my sprirituality was extending energies onto them helping them along the way(an automatic process).

I go through the afternoon rituals  in preparation for hawan offering(rice,brown sugar,apples,bananas(any sweet fruits)for Friday. This means I have to chant a number of malas to build up enough whatever for reaping of energies from this sacrifical performance . I never really bothered much with it.  I just do the rituals.

My bed time is of course the next morning.

[JDas]

quote:
I was drained just intereacting with people because my sprirituality was extending energies onto them helping them along the way(an automatic process).

How do you know this?

First, how do you know that you were drained 'just interacting' with people'? Did you not do other things that perhaps drained you?

And.

Do you not think we are all, all of us, helping each other 'along the way' and it's an automatic process?

Just curious.

[Neesha]

quote:Originally posted by JDas

quote:

How do you know this?

First, how do you know that you were drained 'just interacting' with people'? Did you not do other things that perhaps drained you?

Yea I know.... I feel the outgoing and imcoming energies....I feel them and literally aware of all their bodily functions/thoughts.  I am aware kundalini (whatever you call it) is at work.  No I am lazy(i drove to work and back)....and a gym freak so I am  full of physical energy....outputting energies increase your thirst....etc...My aura extends quite a distance so i will reach out to anyone within range.There was no strenous physical activity....The 3years I spent in the Ashram there was never a "draining of energy because you are in a controlled environment". This illusion we live in is unpredictable and out of the Ashram more effort is needed.

And.

Do you not think we are all, all of us, helping each other 'along the way' and it's an automatic process?

Just curious.

yes it is, for the ones that want to help

 I put a limit on how much is done in a day.....at least that is how I programmed myself.  My spiritual practices are not up to date to what it was orginally....It was more intense and more focused and less moving around.

some of the things my mind is programmed to do....

I am in tuned to alot of things when I am awake(I wake up for emergencies when asleep)....to earth energies...(don't want my mom screaming down the place when there is an earthquake always lets her know before.

i don't want anyone crashing into me...while driving ,I have successfully avoided alot of accidents this way,miraculously.

I am constantly aware of people thoughts,penetrations onto me as someone from AYP tried to penetrate my thoughts either tuesday or wednesday night.

I can feel my friends ,families,students,anyone all around as I feel them no matter where they are dead or alive.
I am tuned into my son and his daily activities....

Most of all I am tuned into ME

Dont forget I'm only human, not a machine I will get tired.....my prayers and thoughts do extend in many directions.....whether it works or not is not my major concern....but my way of moving forward and carrying others too.

I do not have to implement a mantra or special prayers to make a difference its just an implementation of an electrical signal from the brain onto whatever the scenario calls for

[Neesha]

Friday 20th August, 2010


Morning
As I jaaped a few malas.  I clothed myself in my special hawan clothing(white top and pants)made of white cotton and very loose.

3 days of strict fasting is required before performing hawan.

I prepared the hawan sacrificial offering in the kitchen,washing the uncooked rice 3 times, cut up fruits apples,pears,grapes,bananas,

added a portion of brown sugar,some honey

Optional items:

clove,black till,

The offering is made in my room to all the deities in my mind with an offering of prayers in English or your own words.I usually address problems at their root.I check my list to pray for those that asked me to and their specific problems.

I thank God for the day,my family friends, my good heealth etc...I do alot of thanking esp where the deities are concerned

I ask lastly for peace,prosperity,well being of the household members to maintain a peaceful loving obstacle free atmosphere. Upon handing up the offerings . At this point as i maintain an empty silent mind....Flashes would start coming across if there is any major concerns that need to be addressed.

I would make a trip downstairs all the way to our sacred spot where hindus keep on the corner of their property with flags and the like.

At this point I would get my hawan Kund, place the wood sticks in a stack.Place the BRASS lota of water and a mango leaf in front of the hawan kund.

Get my guru's book with all the hawan mantras ( i will post it up if anyone would like to have it)

Pass the flower 3 times around the hawan kund.Lit the fire

and start feeding the fire the contents in my brass plate after reciting each mantra.

While feeding the fire again....it is also at this point I can "see further with the mind" usually any problems or future events will indeed flash across my mind.

throughout this process my body will literally get heavier and filled with something.

The last step is offering the lota of water to my natural shiva lingum rock I brought from  a river.  As i said my prayers I felt my body being emptied or cleared up of energies...going into the lota of water.......it actually gets heavier....so you pause.....

As I continue my daily chores after 3 hours I would have to stop and sleep.The entire household was sleeping at that point in time even the dog.

I did not have any major meals. No food intake before or immediately after.......FOod is not a concern afterwards anyways....I did eat a few hours after though milk and an apple.



when the energies build up....I started feelin extremely sexual....I don't fight anything....I just let it stimulate and flow through.

I  went to bed about 2am the next morning.

[Neesha]

Saturday 21th August, 2010

Morning.

A simple conversation with my four legged recent son/puppy resulted in us having a toilet trained dog,we no longer have to clean doggie poop.  Gosh did I really communicate to his little mind?

My overwhelmed morning was short lived.

The increased energies is circulating my body.......

I need to balance now

For the hour I relax prepare nothing for meditation....
I succeeded a half hour later.

Another hour into mere determination of centering this energy/force whatever you call it

As I sit in front of my altar I focus in my mind the root of the problem.....the process of moving the energy from my back to the center of my head....

I do not know if I will succeed.......

I jaaped Om namah shiva...

I begin with thoughts......

Slowly, very slowly I feel a mass moving from my back over my body to my head......As I redirect that energy inward.....its force slowly dissipated.....

My simple but long meditation successfully assisted me for the entire weekend and the next few days to come....

I remain calm,cool as cucumber ,I am stress free again for another few days....

I pledge to repeat this procedure the next morning...