Hello Nuno,
Question 1: How should I try to evolve? Should I do half of the time without back support and then slightly relax my back in the pillow regaining support from the wall? Or should I just forget back support and try to ignore the pain (it’s not unbearable anyway)?There's no right answer here. The underlined bit sounds good to me though. That is probably what I would do.
All postures require muscular activity to sustain them. The good ones require less muscular activity, the bad ones often more, but not being used to the particular muscular activity profile of the better postures, they can appear to tire our muscles more, because they are working on different muscles which are not used to it.
The (underlined) approach will develop your postural muscles over time, and keep out of the way during meditation. In time, you will find yourself taking the back support later and later in the meditation, until you are not doing it at all.
The other approach, (just ploughing ahead) which is what any zen teacher would probably tell you, has its merits too.
Another thing to think about is
watch your posture during the day. Keep your back straight always when you sit down. This will help too to speed up your development of good posture and eliminate the discomfort during meditation.
2 - Spinal breathing. I still didn't get it. Some days (like this morning) I just can't get to it. It's like my body rejects the effort, it refuses to breath deeply. It’s weird to explain. Sometimes I think it is me being lazy. Other times it really feels uncomfortable even for some seconds. It’s not uncomfortable in a painful way, but more like a burden,
... And also Question 4.
I think people differ a lot in their need for spinal breathing. It's a tool to help getting the energy straight when it starts coming up.
If there are no energy integration issues then it can be needed less. My suggestion (this is what I do myself) -- do a smaller amount of it unless you see the need for more (that is, stick to the five minutes).
3 - Meditation. Someday I feel very comfortable and relax; others I feel anxious for the 20 minutes to finish. I guess this is normal. What frustrates me is that I got used to feel kind of "lightweight" during and after meditation and parts of my body would always get numb (in a nice way) but not anymore. Now “nothing much happens” AT ALL. This seems contradictory but I fell like if I had never felt anything it would be easier to have faith. Question: I must be patient, right?Nuno, waiting patiently for exactly what?
Here's another more important question: how does you life compare with meditation to without it? If it is better, you already have a pay-off.
So rather than waiting patiently for some pay-off, better to enjoy what you have. Enjoy the now. Enjoy the day. Every day. Forget about meditation when you get up from your seat.
Almost anything you
notice is a side-effect of meditation, not the real payoff. When you notice things like feeling lighter, what is happening is that your body is not used to feeling lighter (and has not integrated it) and you notice it. When your body integrates that, you won't notice it at all.
When the real payoff is kicking in, you aren't noticing, or looking for payoff at all. You are enjoying the now, the day, the world, the people you meet, your time alone, your sleep, your waking, your source -- and all those silly, individual passions that keep us going.
There's every chance that your meditation is as good now as when you noticed the side-effects -- or even better. Your body has integrated those effects and you don't notice them.
Watch out for becoming a
fussy meditator -- looking for your payoff every day on your seat. I used to be like that myself -- trying to grab again in my next meditation the same experience that made me feel something unusual or good was happening in the last. It's a fool's game, not just because it spoils the meditation, but because, in the light of the fact that the noticeable events are just happening because integration is needed, the very ongoing and positive process of integration is thwarting the arrival of these experiences.
More power to you on your path,
Blessings,
-David