Purification of Tamas

[Ramakrishna]

Suddenly I find myself in a state where the sweetness of my Bhakti has run dry and symptoms of tamo guna are in full swing. Lazy, depressed, irritable, general malaise. Peace comes and goes throughout the day if I meditate. Hardly there at all if I don't. My Bhakti is more of a feeling of desperation to have what my practice once gave. Confused as to what happened. Feeling so cut off from the divine and the world. I get sick to my stomach for no apparent reason at least once a week.
All very strange for me. Rarely have symptoms of overload and if i do they seem to be minor and easily fixed. I've been meditating for about 6 years at times for 3-4 hours a day and sometime for only 10-20min a day, depending on new practices and teachings being taken on. I have found a 45min to an hour long to be the most beneficial for me and have been practicing this consistantly for months now.
Now what to do?!?!? I don't know where I went wrong? I want to get back on track but can't seem to find the my path?

[kami]

Hi Ramakrishna,

Welcome to the forums!

What you are suggesting does not seem to be consistent with tamas. You would not have the motivation to meditate 45 minutes a day if that were the case. Additionally, your consistent practice routine indicates that Bhakti is very much there. It is not at all unusual for the Bhakti to fluctuate between fiery, juicy, over-the-top longing to quietly continuing practices without any of that. Depends on ongoing purification and opening, and of course, Divine Will.

It sounds like you are experiencing overload symptoms. Overload doesn't always mean energy and restlessness; it can also manifest as immobility and lack of motivation. What exactly is your practice routine? The first thing I'd suggest is to drastically cut back. Also, do you exercise? That is another effective remedy. It will also help to do things that are not aimed intentionally toward spirituality, i.e., mundane day-to- day activities.

Don't worry, the Bhakti has not gone away. It is simply doing what it does: ebb and flow.

Hope this helps.

kami

[BillinL.A.]

I like the way you express such devotion Ramakrishna even though you say you've run dry...your words touched me that way.  I say that even though I struggle moment to moment trusting the universe.

So many of the saints have experienced "dark nights of the soul" which can last for days and years.  Some traditions say even the greatest saints and saviors experience great personal tests to their last breaths.

One way to make a different effort Ramakrishna is to read the awesome AYP lessons by clicking on the "Main Lessons" link at the very top of the page under "AYP Support Forums".

And/or try Yogani's "Samyama" book.  

A lot about AYP's approach to samyama practice is in the lessons too but many members including me are amazed by how usable and effective samayama can be when there is just a little interior silence.

You for sure have that Ramakrishna!  

Yogani makes samyama practice and its miraculous results attainable for even beginners...like me.

[Ramakrishna]

Thank you for the comments. My routine goes like this once a day in the morning:
Talabya Kriya 50x
Apply kechari for the remainder of practice
SBP 12x
Thokar 6x
DM 15-20min
Samyama 1 round from each word from Yogani's perscribed list.
Rest 10-20 min

That being said I don't have much motivation to meditate. Most often make myself meditate and when I don't its usually in favor of sleep.

And yes, billin I love the AYP lessons and books, the book on samyama was my intro to AYP and recently retread it.

I don't like your answer much, kami, because my meditation is the best part of my day. When I'm not meditating I'm wishing I were. I pull myself into meditative states throughout the day... Or I get pulled into them? Little bit a both most likely. But I know you are right. How do I self pace? What to cut out? I just don't know. Maybe Thokar completely. But then I think of its benefits and I cannot! It is the same for all the techniques in my practice.
What would you recommend cutting back/out?

[BillinL.A.]

I figured it being your first post that you hadn't read the stuff...sorry.

No twice a day meditation?

[kami]

quote:Originally posted by Ramakrishna

I don't like your answer much, kami, because my meditation is the best part of my day. When I'm not meditating I'm wishing I were. I pull myself into meditative states throughout the day... Or I get pulled into them? Little bit a both most likely. But I know you are right. How do I self pace? What to cut out? I just don't know. Maybe Thokar completely. But then I think of its benefits and I cannot! It is the same for all the techniques in my practice.
What would you recommend cutting back/out?

Sorry for the wrong answer Ramakrishna![:p]

Please remember that cutting/scaling back is temporary, and goes along with the flow of openings and discomfort of overdoing in AYP - certainly not an etched-in-stone doctrine. Yes, I would recommend stopping Thokor, and samyama for just a few days and see how you do. Thokor caused similar issues for me - a constant state of unmotivation, spaciness and being drawn inward to a point where I could not function. It could be the same for you... Only you can know (with experimenting and tweaking) what combination of practices at any given time will keep you in a state of balance where bhakti continues to flow, you are happy and joyful in daily life, and openings happen regularly..

Once there is return of these things, try adding back the practices one at a time and in a very measured fashion..

Much love.

[BillinL.A.]

Ramakrishna I'm just trying to give you feedback but Kami has a lot more experience than me so I'd go with her advise.

[Ramakrishna]

Didn't mean to come across as being ungrateful, billin. I do love the AYP writings as well and recommend them to anyone who is wishing for clarity on their meditation path. I hope you the best on your new path of meditation and hope you don't feel hesitant to post advice despite your lack of experience... At least your lack of experience in this life! Thank you for your words!

Kami, much appreciated as well. I knew the answer, I just needed someone to tell me. Cut back today as you suggested. I feel better. But not totally. Thinking of even cutting both SBP & DM in half and building those back up. Not sure if that's necessary, though. I'll Probably being carrying residual overload for a few more days.

[kami]

quote:Originally posted by Ramakrishna

 Thinking of even cutting both SBP & DM in half and building those back up.

Hi Ramakrishna,

Good to hear you're feeling better.. You could definitely try cutting back to SBP 6x and DM to 10 min, keeping your current rest period.. Even just for a day or two...

Much love.

PS: Bill, your kind and wise words are of immense help and comfort. So grateful to share this space with you.