Self Pacing for the sake of others?

[CarsonZi]

Namaste friends

Just wondering if anyone has had to pace their practices for the sake of others around them.  I'm at a point right now where Life is forcing me to downsize my practice routine in order to help mitigate some overload symptoms in my daughter.

Over the course of the last 6 months of 2011 I gradually ramped up my practices so that it included 10 minutes of samyama and 1 minute of root to crown bastrika at the end.  I wasn't noticing any adverse effects at all (for several months), in fact quite the opposite, until the beginning of 2012 when something shifted in my household and Amrita started showing signs of kundalini overload.  It took us a while (and quite a bit of trial and error) to figure out exactly what what was causing what, but we've narrowed things down to a point where we are 99.9% sure that the increase in energy caused by the increase in practices was resulting in negative kundalini symptoms for Amrita (and my wife, and our dogs too.... the most severe symptoms were experienced by Amrita though).  

At the beginning of 2012 Amrita started to develop what looked like exzema on the underside of her arms.  It was a red, bumpy rash that seemed to come and go (pretty dramatically) even over the course of a single day.  This rash spread from her arms down the sides of her body, and then around to her stomach and down/inbetween her legs.  We tried all sorts of home remedies to cure this.... store bought exzema creams, home made exzema creams, cutting foods from her diet, changing detergents, using no detergent, using disposable diapers instead of cloth diapers, etc etc etc.  We tried just about everything we could think of.  Eventually the rash would seem to get better after she slept at night and it wasn't really that bad during the day, but by the time dinner rolled around it was in full flare up again and would stay for the rest of the evening.  We were able to deduce (through more trial and error) that the rash got worse after I arrived home from work and had my afternoon practice.

Anyway, neither my wife nor I really thought that it was a realistic possibility that the rash was caused by Amrita picking up on the increase in kundalini energy in the house, although the thought had crossed both our minds at least a few times.  But, the rash continued to get worse and nothing we were trying was helping much at all (and we weren't willing to go to a western doctor as we knew they would just give us a steroid cream which we weren't interested in using).  Eventually things got bad enough that Deanna took Amrita to a naturopath (I couldn't go as I had to work).  Anyway, the naturopath basically called it right away (without Deanna giving much background info), asking if we were involved in kundalini stimulating meditations of any kind as she felt that Amrita was pulling in excessive kundalini energy and this was what was causing the rash.  The naturopath gave us a tincture (Solum Aesculus) which we began using that day, and it cleared the rash up within hours.

So, since then I have cut back on my practices considerably (no samyama and no bastrika) and this seems to have balanced everything out for everyone.  The whole house is more stable and grounded, Amrita's rash is gone, she's sleeping better and she's much happier in general (we all are actually).  So I'm wondering if anyone else out there in AYP Land has noticed that others in their household will overload when they overdo (even just a little) their practices.

Love!
Carson


P.S. One last note.  Through this whole episode it's become increasingly clear that I have been overloading for months and just been either unable or unwilling to see it.  It seems to me that "overload" can really evolve over time... it becomes subtler and subtler and harder to (want to) recognize.  Before, overload would show up as headaches, physical pain, uncontrollable irritation etc etc... now, overload shows up in much more subtle ways.  In fact, the overload can be so subtle sometimes that it's really challenging to even put a finger on exactly what the symptoms are.  But, in hindsight, it's obvious that I've been overloading.  Wondering if others have also noticed that, over time, overload shows up in increasingly subtle and hard to pinpoint ways.

[maheswari]

glad that Amrita is feeling better[]

[karl]

Opens a lot of questions if Kundalini energy is detectable.

I wonder if it's that you are showing signs of overload such as impatience and your family are reacting to those signals. It's common in a family that if a parent is showing signs of stress, then the entire family exhibit symptoms. One of the physical symptoms of stress being Eczema

Unfortunately doctors treat the result and not the causes,  i have from Eczma and do use the cream when it gets bad. The Doctor has never made any attempt to discover what is causing it. Often those trained in alternative medicines have to be more alert for the causes as they don't have the armoury of high powered drugs.

It's strange how things go, I had a couple come and see me who were struggling with a young adopted daughter.  Everything had been alright in the home for about a year and suddenly the daughter had become volatile and the family had really begun to suffer from stress.

I asked loads of questions looking for changes in diet, work pattern, sleep pattern etc. in the end one of them piped up that they had been given a wall clock around that time. They both looked at each other and something unsaid went between them and then they asked if it was possibly the cause. They were laughing and saying it was crazy, it couldn't be the clock.

I had them take the clock away. Everything went back to normal. Then they re-introduced the clock and it all flared back up. Clock is now in the bin just a tiny change can cause that. They concluded the clock must be haunted. I don't think so, it just introduced another element which caused minute stress variations which the daughter easily picked up on.  She then became agitated and everything built up.

[Swan]

Carson, I am glad to know that you figured out the reason and you all are much better. I was wondering if your daughter has learned to speak, as there could be have been other symptoms which are not visible.

Thanks a lot for sharing.

quote:Originally posted by karl


I had them take the clock away. Everything went back to normal. Then they re-introduced the clock and it all flared back up. Clock is now in the bin just a tiny change can cause that. They concluded the clock must be haunted. I don't think so, it just introduced another element which caused minute stress variations which the daughter easily picked up on.  She then became agitated and everything built up.

Karl, this reminded me what I read somewhere that gifting an watch or clock in considered inauspicious in Chinese culture. I googled it now and found this –

“One such belief is that if you give a person a watch on a special occasion, like a birthday or on Christmas, you are actually cursing the person to "wait on you" or to constantly be kept waiting by you whenever you need to meet up or do something together.”

 http://www.articlerich.com/Article/Symbolism-of-Giving-Watches-as-Gifts/796062

[karl]

yes, I can see why that would be. This is what I thought had happened. They had proudly displayed the clock in their living room. It was reminding the husband that he needed to get things done and it reminded his wife that he wasn't making the progress he should have. It caused the minutest amount if increased stress. The daughter was very sensitive to these changes ( particularly adopted children who develop a heightened awareness).

In cultures which don't typically rely on clocks. Southern half of the world in particular are termed "in time " people. In time people are often governed by  natural time and usually have strong links with agriculture/ hunting. These are the people who are governed by the change in seasons and length of day, an hour means little to them, they are Mañana people. A clock must be an affront to people who don't see a use for them, it can only mean slavery to another's way of life.

In the West we mainly have, through time people. This is because of the high degree of industrialisation with reliance on exact times. A clock is seen as essential and 5 minutes matters greatly.

It's interesting that through time and in time  people organise their memories differently.  Through time have a gestalt system of filing into specific subjects and and often find it is a struggle to name someone if they are seen out of context. Their time line is organised like a conveyor belt from roughly left to right. They are very punctual and rarely repeat mistakes. They can be heard saying things like "time is on our side" or gesticulating to a future of past event to a more side ways, or oblique angle.

In time people are hardly ever punctual and have no idea why their opposite half gets upset if they turn up half an hour late. In very rural areas tomorrow means mañana, which is whenever, or another day sometime. They organise their timeline front to back. Memories are freely available, they can remember faces in any context and have that strange knack of remembering names which the poor old 'through timer' finds unnerving. They often repeat mistakes. For them everything is behind them, it's past, only today really matters. They usually say " that's behind me or I have plenty of time ahead of me".

These are generalisations for the very black and white types, but they generally hold true.

[cosmic]

Namaste Zibro

Short answer is "yes", I've had to self-pace for the lady. Rather, I notice that when I don't practice as much, she is much more grounded. If I practice twice a day, or even once a day + japa during daily activities, she tends to get overloaded even if she's cut back on practices.

I think it's only an issue for those in your life who are doing effective spiritual practices (like Dee) or who are naturally pretty purified as is (like Amrita). I say this because when I lived with my parents, overload was never an issue for them (they don't do yoga).

Hope that helps in some way. Peace out my friend

Love <3

[CarsonZi]

Thanks for all the feedback guys!

Maheswari... thanks, me too

Karl... I'd say it's very possible that the eczema was (at least partially) caused by Amrita picking up on an increase in stress in the house.  There hasn't a whole lot of "stress" persay (at least not in the intensity that most people would call 'stress'), but there has been a fairly rapid transition from "life before" to "life after" with the whole job switch thing and the whole family's routine has been affected.  And we learned just this January that Amrita is rather fond of routine and somewhat resistant to change.... we turned her crib into a bed on new years day and bedtime became a 3 hour scream-fest for weeks after.  The eczema got worse right around the time she started to settle down and go to sleep like a real human.  Not sure if the timing would indicate they are related or not.

Strange about the clock.

Swan... Amrita isn't speaking in full sentences yet, but she communicates very well.  She uses both sign language and talking and she has a fairly extensive vocabulary.  Annnnnnd she's got her dad's scream and is not scared to use it.

Cosmic... What is your practice routine like now?  Did you have feelings of sadness or longing when you dropped your practice routine?  I'm quite obviously attached to (my ideas about?) the practices.

Thanks again everyone.

Love!
Carson

[maheswari]

quote:And we learned just this January that Amrita is rather fond of routine and somewhat resistant to change

this has to be worked out...not good for the long run

[CarsonZi]

Hi Maheswari

quote:this has to be worked out...not good for the long run

I agree that it has to be worked out... but trying to impose any kind of a time frame on life is a recipe for suffering.  Everything in it's own time.  

Love!
Carson

[karl]

quote:Originally posted by CarsonZi

Thanks for all the feedback guys!

Maheswari... thanks, me too

Karl... I'd say it's very possible that the eczema was (at least partially) caused by Amrita picking up on an increase in stress in the house.  There hasn't a whole lot of "stress" persay (at least not in the intensity that most people would call 'stress'), but there has been a fairly rapid transition from "life before" to "life after" with the whole job switch thing and the whole family's routine has been affected.  And we learned just this January that Amrita is rather fond of routine and somewhat resistant to change.... we turned her crib into a bed on new years day and bedtime became a 3 hour scream-fest for weeks after.  The eczema got worse right around the time she started to settle down and go to sleep like a real human.  Not sure if the timing would indicate they are related or not.

Strange about the clock.

Swan... Amrita isn't speaking in full sentences yet, but she communicates very well.  She uses both sign language and talking and she has a fairly extensive vocabulary.  Annnnnnd she's got her dad's scream and is not scared to use it.

Cosmic... What is your practice routine like now?  Did you have feelings of sadness or longing when you dropped your practice routine?  I'm quite obviously attached to (my ideas about?) the practices.

Thanks again everyone.

Love!
Carson

Kids are like amplifiers, they detect really tiny changes such as increased hear rate and breathing.  They are also all about routine, that is completely normal.

[cosmic]

quote:Originally posted by CarsonZi

Cosmic... What is your practice routine like now?

Honestly bro, I only do sitting practices a few times a week. Maybe once every 2 days.

Each session consists of:
- 10 min. SBP
- 20 min. DM (I AM mantra)
- 5 min. rest

And cosmic samyama before bed, maybe 2-4 nights per week.

Besides that, I do silent japa each day whenever I remember to do so (and am not using the language-based mind). Been using the maha mantra, which I know you're aware of.

quote:Originally posted by CarsonZi

Did you have feelings of sadness or longing when you dropped your practice routine?

At first, yes. But then I soon realized that purification happens with or without formal practices. As long as there's bhakti, there's purification. In fact, I'm coming to realize that bhakti is the true driving force of purification, and yoga is simply a means of removing the blockages to bhakti.

It also helps that I know this downsized routine is just momentary. I'm very drawn to picking up 2x daily sitting practices again, and it will happen when it happens.

Best wishes to you and hope this helps in some way dude.

Love <3

[Pheel]

Hi Carson, I think the content of the P.S. should be brought up front and highlighted. It was exactly I experienced recently....great practice, ecstasy, coldness stored in my bones being driven away, golden ring, the tunnel and the start,,,,wow, I'm on the right path, but then, I noticed my temper was stirred by some ppl that are closest to me (not necessarily physically) easily and the emotions stirred became stubborn, also why the ppl around me became more moody? So, all these bring me to the confirmation that I"m overloaded in a the subtle levels of the mind, with no energetic overload symptoms at all. In fact, I feel our attachment to scenery and ecstasy might be the underneath cause of overloading, and the ignorance to the overloading...as Yogani said, besides the divine stillness, all is scenery....

Love you, bro!

[kami]

Hi Carson

Note to self: be born as Carson's child next time..

Very interesting.. However, I'm not sure it is "overload" as much as the natural progression of things. Your home is already highly charged with both grown-ups being pretty intensely on this path. Children are very sensitive (especially children like Amrita) to the slightest shift in energy. As Karl says, skin rashes like eczema are reactive conditions, an external manifestation of internal "stress". And stress doesn't always mean energetic overload; it can be just sensing changes in primary caregivers but not being able to express/articulate it. My kids can sense the slightest change in me - they seem to know when I'm going through openings, even when there is no external change.

Ultimately, it is all about balance isn't it? Agree with Pheel - seems to me that attachment to scenery and ecstasy can belie overload. More importantly, it seems that hanging on to the "doership" is the subtler issue - "my" practices, "my" overload, "my" openings.. Instead, if all of these are seen to rise and fall in emptiness without attachment (as in, seeing that none of it can be "owned"), they come and go without any noticable effects on myself or others around me.. One thing that seems to work for me with this is enquiry. Instantly, the root of it is seen - clinging. Clinging to the experience, the overload, the energy, any or all of it. Letting go of the clinging instantly lets go of the overload or whatever the issue is.. In practicing this, I have been able to add on practices after almost a year of having to cut back drastically..

Disclaimer: The above is something that seems to work for me, and may not work for anyone else - not an AYP practice..

[CarsonZi]

Hi Kami

quote:Originally posted by kami

As Karl says, skin rashes like eczema are reactive conditions, an external manifestation of internal "stress". And stress doesn't always mean energetic overload; it can be just sensing changes in primary caregivers but not being able to express/articulate it.

It's possible it wasn't overload, but the timing, the naturopath, and the remedy suggests it was.  As does my intuition.  Doesn't really matter though as long as the kids are okay.

quote:Originally posted by kami

One thing that seems to work for me with this is enquiry. Instantly, the root of it is seen - clinging. Clinging to the experience, the overload, the energy, any or all of it. Letting go of the clinging instantly lets go of the overload or whatever the issue is.. In practicing this, I have been able to add on practices after almost a year of having to cut back drastically.

My experience is that letting go of the clinging ends the suffering around the overload, but it doesn't end the actual overload.  It certainly didn't for my kids.  As I mentioned in the original post, I wasn't suffering at all from overload, I felt fantastic... but my kids were having a lot of problems.  They may not be quite as lucky to have me as Daddy as you suggest.... Dad's generally a stubborn ass and it takes him a loooooong time to catch on sometimes.

Love,
Carson