Drunk with ecstacy

[Katrine]

Jim wrote:
 

quote:There is energy there. You interpret it as ecstacy. At a certain point, I guess you sort of numb out your ecstacy receptors, and experience the crude energy at face value. From that point, as you open more and ecstacy relaunches, it becomes easy to choose to not be "ecstacized" by it. I can't teach you how, because I was involuntarily shown this when I myself went numb ( (in that thread I linked you to, "Bliss Goes Dead"). But I can assure you it's the truth that ecstacy is all in the interpretation, so you can maybe watch for it. It really makes things easier...if you don't start getting neurotic worrying that it'll never come back

Yes. I interpret it as ecstacy. But - I am very aware of the fact that it is just "a layer" as you call it. The vapor (glow) - on the other hand is not.
I perceive anything that is limited to my body to be a layer. The ecstacy is in my body; the vapor reaches far beyond it.
The vapor is real, the ecstacy "is not". I know exactly what you mean, Jim. However - when the ecstacy is very strong; I sort of "lose" this knowing. Not because I am in love with it and want to indulge.....come to think of it, it is more like it is in love with me. At times, I am simply not strong enough yet, to not pay attention to it. If "I try" not to pay attention - it gets worse. That's like "trying to not get drunk" after too much alcohol. (FYI: i don't drink at all - not even a sip of wine. I simply can't - it is pure poison. It has been like this for about a year.)

 So - I am relying on time and wise self pacing to get me through this. It is great to have so much help at hand! Yoganis teachings are such a treasure! And this forum is pretty unique.

Again - what you say about the ecstacy being "a layer"; I can resonate with this. For some time now; when I look at myself in the mirror two things happen:

1. The one in the mirror is not me. I can't say that I am looking at a stranger - because I know my body. It is more like looking at a pair of my shoes. Knowing their mine; but also knowing they are not me. Definitely not. The feeling threw me off in the beginning - it is like being without identity. But - when I gradually perceived it more clearly - it engenders an enormous feeling of freedom.

2. When I look at myself like this, I am boarderless. I am simply everywhere in the room. It is like looking at myself from both outside and inside. The separation becomes meaningless then, doesn't it?

So. The ecstacy "binds me" to the body. The vapor frees me of it. There is a huge difference.

Jim.
I refrain from hugging trees now. I simply look at them
 

quote:Katrina, one more note: you've been meditating for 20 years, and so have many of us. AYP meditation is unquestionably stronger stuff. And thus you must carefully adjust your dosage!

Yes, Jim. Point taken.

 

quote:If you do cease pranayama and are worried about crown, bear in mind that a real careful sambhavi is key to keeping the route going the way we'd like it to. The ajna is the control, and so long as you maintain an innate sense of this, your energy will continue to favor that pathway.

Now this is great, Jim. This really helps me. I never intentionally "did" sambhavi. I just found out that I had been doing it spontaniously for a long time (long before meeting AYP). And you are so right: "A real careful sambhavi" is just it. It is almost not a physical thing. With me it just happens the instant my attention is there. Often, it then just stays that way without having to "check in". I will remember this.

 

quote:The fundamental practice is also to not get distracted by our internal thoughts and feelings. Consider: the ecstacy is just more of that stuff. So it can't interfere with your silence. Nothing can interfere with your silence, because the silence is the source of it all (including bowling and screaming at your neighbors).

This just about sums it up, doesn't it?
My experience last night (the one I told to Andrew) clearly validates this. Fundamentally - the ecstacy can't interfere with the silence. I love it, Jim

It is finally spring here!
Have a bright day






May all your Nows be Here

[Katrine]

Victor

I love your frankness

 

quote: Katrina. what about sexual energy?
Maybe a public forum is not the easiest place to discuss this more personal issue but it is consistant with teh kundalini practice to address. If a great deal of sexual energy is stored combined with these practices it can indeed stimulate these sorts of experiences. Also the energy connection of relationship can help balance these experiences. i don't know if you have a partner but if you do, it is possible that a little old fashioned good non tantric sex might be the right release of steam

I am still laughing....not because you are wrong.....simply because it is such a valid point; and I have completely overlooked this possibility. My husband will be thrilled

Actually - there is a lot more to this issue that I can't debate in an open forum (as you pointed out, Victor).  As you might know by now - I am not particularly shy (being a viking woman and all....) - but I can't put anybody elses life on display.

As for storage of sexual energy....I really don't know. My "problem" seems to be that all of it ventures upwards. Then again; that's what we want, isn't it?......Or maybe what we want is more like the energy being "mated with stillness" everywhere in the body. A "spreading out"...instead of a "going up". Just a thought....

Anyway. Thanks, Victor. If you have ideas that you feel is "too private to post here" - feel free to mail me.

May all your Nows be Here

[Katrine]

Shanti

 

quote:Katrine,
Yogani has said before... there are periods when you need to rest more after meditation... maybe 10-15 mins.. if possible lie down. This is one thing that did help me a lot (actually I still do it esp. since I feel like I am drunk or high on drugs after I am done with my routine). Not sure if it will help you, but you could try it if you have the time.
Also, how long so you do Shamyama..

Yes. I see your point, Shanti. And I do think resting after meditation is important. The times that I have had to interrupt the meditation can wreck havock in my nervous system. I am very careful not to do this.
What I have noticed, though, is that if I extend the rest after meditation - I just find myself in new waves of ecstacy. I have found that if I can go for a walk after meditation; this grounds me, and is overall a better route.

The ecstacy also increases the instant I lie down. It definitely gets a charge from physical relaxation.

Shanti. Thanks for caring.

May all your Nows be Here

[Jim and His Karma]

Katrine, re: Victor's advice, be careful. With kundalini ignited, that stuff is ready to flare up 1000 times as much as before....by which I don't mean a thousand times "hotter sex" (hey, Yogani, I just got the forum 10,000 more "hits" per day!), I mean 1000 times as addictive a trap.

There's nothing wrong with tearing loose once in a while to dump energy. But if that becomes your dependable outlet for release, it's like someone with alcoholic genes looking to whiskey as the dependable outlet for relaxation. You're experiencing how great upward feels. You may have forgotten that downward also has its allures. I'll refrain from Darth Vaderish paens to "the dark side."

Don't be a nun, but be aware that with heightened energy comes heightened responsibility to keep the energy mostly going up (toward spirituality) rather than down. That's not a moral injunction, it's about a physical process (on the other hand, that's where the moral injunction originally came from). And be aware that it's a more intense ballgame with higher stakes now.

[Jim and His Karma]

quote:Originally posted by Katrine
[
My "problem" seems to be that all of it ventures upwards. Then again; that's what we want, isn't it?

Yes, in the end, however you are showing all the signs of an overabundance of upward energy (with your pitta overload, your drunkenness, and your crown concerns). And an overabundance of upward energy can, as victor said, be addressed by taking some downward. Consider my posting above about doing the opposite of all the advice given to people trying to be "more spiritual".

Whether you choose to (rarely!) do this release or not is up to you. But be aware that the upward venturing will in any case eventually backtrack. All human pursuits backtrack in time, as you've surely noticed. There are no straight lines in anything we do! Your ecstacy will dry up for periods and you'll revert to experiencing occasional suffering (though you'll be less strongly tethered to that suffering). We keep brushing our teeth regardless, and in the end it all works.

[Katrine]

Jim, I am very grateful. This is all excellent advise. And a good example of how this forum (all of you) helps me balance.

 

quote:You're experiencing how great upward feels. You may have forgotten that downward also has its allures

I'll keep that in mind.

 

quote:Consider my posting above about doing the opposite of all the advice given to people trying to be "more spiritual".

I am not considering it As of yesterday, I simply started doing it. I feel more balanced already. (My husband will just have to wait )

 

quote:Your ecstacy will dry up for periods and you'll revert to experiencing occasional suffering (though you'll be less strongly tethered to that suffering

Actually - the ecstacy doesn't take away the deepest "split". Only the vapor does that. So I still suffer occasionally. But - as a collegue of mine commented when I spent 9 days in hospital (last spring) with my eldest daughter (she was critically ill for days): "How can you be so utterly calm?!". I suffered, alright - but it didn't throw me off inner silence.

Pretty amazing....
Thank you Grace

May all your Nows be Here

[Jim and His Karma]

it's a vocabulary thing. The literature says that as we practice, we still grieve over what there is to grieve over, we are sad or joyful when those emotions arise. However we SUFFER less and less.

There's a distinction between pain (which is inextricably human) and suffering (which is a reaction we choose to attach to outselves as a result of pain). And I've found that to be true, though I still catch myself suffering (and am grateful that I'm less tethered to it than before....though if I let it build up, I can imagine getting strongly caught again). Pain just is. Suffering is reaction based on faulty understanding.

[Jim and His Karma]

PS--do not undervalue the usefulness of walking to resolve your current circumstance. For thousands of years that's what teachers have been telling their students when they have the drunkenness and overabundance of energy.

A year ago, when I was in your shoes, I was walking as much as 3 or 4 miles per day. Felt good and it helped.

[bewell]

Thanks Katrine, Jim and all for your exchange.   Bewell