Spouse and Kids: Effects on your Path???

[michellegrace]

I feel that there's someone in my life I could eventually go own the life partner route with. I'm thinking about this early, before things get too deep, but I think it's important to think about while I have the chance to think and not panic.

I'm scared of this situation: committing to someone then feeling some divine pull to run to the hills and be in solitude with the divine in some monastery, ashram, or...cave. :-/ I think about this because my own teacher once wrote about a past life, which took place centuries ago, in which he left his wife for a monastery and she committed suicide and, wracked by guilt, he did too. I don't want to do this to someone...that's not fair and just loads the karma on everyone. Otherwise I don't think marriage necessarily has to be a hindrance, if it's with the right person and there is honesty about commitments and intentions. However, I do find that being in a relationship can distract me from important contemplation practices and can create new attachments...

And while we're on the topic, what do you think of having kids and travelling this path? I have always thought about kids as a 20-year time block in which I'd get a bit stagnant. But I know I'm not seeing the whole picture.

Some say that you get far more concrete, real-time exercises and challenges in these family relationships than you do in a cave somewhere. Some, though, say that interaction can inhibit your merging into oneness at certain crucial points in your journey. I would be very interested in hearing your experiences to see if there are any patterns we can discern.

ALSO: Do you know of any enlightened being who are married? I know that Adyashanti is, and was before he woke up. I believe Ken Wilber is married. I remember that Paramahansa Yogananda's master was married and insisted that it was possible to have a family.

[maheswari]

hello michele and welcome to the forums[]
the following lesson provides a good answer to your question
http://www.aypsite.com/plus/98.html

[karl]

I read Yogani's lesson and that is how I see it. The important point being that  it is what goes on internally that is important. Working is the same deal. That doesn't mean that you should be married, or need to work, but it will be what it will be, however it unfolds is perfect.

On a purely practical note, it's best not to dwell on lthe "life partner" aspect, unless you are perfect, then expect your partner is not going to be perfect, in all the ways that you are flawed, they will have the same flaws and they can magnify your own. I think of all the activities that you put work into to become exceptional, all the hard times, the days of frustrated mastery, the guilt your not doing enough, the temptation to just jack it all in and marriage is the toughest. A violin or a football can be put back into a cupboard and they never answer back. A partner will be there, active and in your face. But it's great growth.

[jeff]

Hi Michellegrace,

We each have our own path to follow, but for me a family has been a very important part of my personal growth.  While we all periodically need solitude, running of to a "cave" can become nothing but an escape. True growth comes from integrating the silence into our daily lives.

While there is no question that children are a lot of work, it is definitely not a time of stagnation. In my case, it was my children that truly taught me about love. Love is not an equal trade/exchange, but an open giving.

My only suggestion is that you listen to your inner guru.  Follow you true heart and you will "stumble" onto the right path.  It is never something you plan for in your mind.

Love.

[chit-ananda51]

karl, you are a wordsmith? Ain't you??

[gatito]

Hi michellegrace

For myself, my wife and children (along with my father) are my greatest teachers.

It is said that many people make the mistake of thinking that thery are here to teach their children, whereas their children are here to teach them.

However, if you find this to be true, it might still be unwise to share this insight with your children until after they've left their teens!

[chit-ananda51]

quote:It is said that many people make the mistake of thinking that thery are here to teach their children, whereas their children are here to teach them.
 

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