my sister

[sagebrush]

I recently moved back to my parents(mother) home. My oldest sister resides here for 20 plus years.
We have absolutely nothing in common, other than we will walk together for excercise. She lets me be me for the most part and I don't try to change her.

I have been here for only a few weeks when today she piped up that she gets the feeling I don't give a damn about her, and that I just need her for a service.

It made me sad.

It made me sad that I am perceived that way.

what service does she provide me? none that I am aware of.

[sagebrush]

in the recent past she bought my son a zip up cotton coat, watched him for one day while he played outside with a neighbor for six hours while I went to help my mother with a rental property(mowing the lawn, fixing a drain pipe, pulling weeds, placing bark in a flower bed, and getting a rent sign up), and once she bought him a sandwich and a bag of Fritos.

My mother is 70 some years old and has had a vacant property NOT making income because some one tore up the place and it cost her alot of time and money for the repair, then she came down with pneumonia and recooperated for three months.

I can do that volunteer work and not think someone needs my services.

I am fed up with that I feel constantly like I have to measure up to what people want from me and I just want to be left alone. but I needed some very little monetary help until I get a job.

I do care for my sister. We are not close but we tolerate our differences.

[sagebrush]

I feel really negative. I hope that I can use this forum as a sounding board to release some thoughts and maybe pick healthier ways of coping with my ownnegativity or lackof good health.

[Katrine]

Hi Sage

Thank you for sharing

I have three sisters, and over the years we first driftet apart and then drifted back together We are very different all of us....but somehow that mattered less and less. We breathe the same air

 

quote:She lets me be me for the most part and I don't try to change her.

That's beautiful....we can all learn from that

Can I ask you....are you engaged in any practices? Meditation etc? AYP?

When we feel negative.....this state is usually generated from investments in thoughts and their attached emotional stirup.....and to connect back to inner silence is the best medicine I know of....

May you walk in peace Sage

[sagebrush]

thanks for the reply.
I currently just try to get a long daily walk in the woods.
other than that maybe I can add that I listen to some devotional music.
I can't say for sure what the devotional music is about...I think the woman grew up in Sikh tradition. I find it to be peaceful and I like listening and singing along, even though I know not the words.

The walking is a new addition of recent weeks and it works well for me.

what about you?

[Katrine]

Hi Sage

Thanks for responding

 

quote:I can't say for sure what the devotional music is about...I think the woman grew up in Sikh tradition. I find it to be peaceful and I like listening and singing along, even though I know not the words.

The walking is a new addition of recent weeks and it works well for me.

what about you?

Walking is a favorite here too. Especially in the forests and mountains, but anywhere really....streets...parks...harbours. It is a great way of keeping in shape, while enjoying sunsets and whatever there is of small and big wonders......and also... it leads to a natural release of both physical and psychological tension.
 
Music too is a great source of peace and joy here.....I enjoy singing and fluteplaying the most, but also play piano (when the neighbours are away

As for practices.....yes. These have been the most important of all ...for 25 years now. Nothing - and I mean nothing - compares to the effect meditation twice a day has had - and continues to have - on this body/mind/consciousness/awareness. It literally and gradually changes and expands the way life is perceived here...so much so that feelings of sadness, pain, hurt etc cannot for long take away the quiet feeling of love underneath it all. So I am very grateful I have used different mantras over the years. In early 2006 I joined the AYP forum and took up  AYP Deep Meditation, Pranayama and eventually Samyama. Since then life took a whole new turn....the practices and engaging in this forum......what can I say....other than the fact of being transformed by it...it has been, and still is....one continuous surprise

If you haven't checked it out:  Yoganis handy (small, simple but very powerful) books on the practices are great (Click any of them to the right on your screen)

You can also taste the lesson on Deep Meditation if you are not familiar with it already:

http://www.aypsite.com/plus/13.html  

It is great that you are giving your ear to that devotional music....it sounded very peaceful. When something gives one a sense of peace like that..it is precious. One relaxes in that...and something opens up inside. It is in this kind of peace that you will find the truth about what you are in essence. The devotion is towards that without which nothing would exist....and inside you Sage....is that wonder. It is a silent wonder. A silent love much vaster than I can ever imagine.

When you meditate.....a relationship with this inner wonder is cultivated...and slowly....a quietness....gradually perceived as joyful.... seeps into ones daily living. It makes all negativity bearable.

Negativity - (or rather what we judge to be negative but really is just a natural way that life expresses) -  won't disappear....but you will mind it less and less...and therefore gradually be free from the suffering of being drowned in it.

Wishing you all the best

[sagebrush]

well I took a two hour walk today in the woods.
It was quiet and no one is around, except for birds, squirrel, deer, and wild turkey.
I feel refreshed and level headed.
Thanks for the nudge on the books. I am interested or I wouldn't be here.
I collected some green ball looking things that had fallen from a tree. I have named them monkey brains and am not sure what they really are, or the type of tree it is from. I have put them in an old antique basket and it is the center of the dinning table.

I can hardly stand the sound of quiet with listening to the droplets of dew fall from the canopy of the trees. Or at the same time hearing the birds peep about and the woodpecker drilling.And the fresh chilly damp air in my nostrills.It is fun and I enjoy that so very much.I can never seem to shut out the commentary and always recall hearing someone else make that same statement.

Thanks again and peace
sagebrush

[Katrine]

Hi Sage

Thank you for your open and beautiful reply (means I am touched...and so still inside)

Monkey brains...........good name...can almost see the green things


 

quote:I can hardly stand the sound of quiet with listening to the droplets of dew fall from the canopy of the trees. Or at the same time hearing the birds peep about and the woodpecker drilling.And the fresh chilly damp air in my nostrills.It is fun and I enjoy that so very much.

Droplets of dew falling from canopy trees.....beautiful...that in you which enjoys that.... is inner silence. That joyful awakeness is you. Inner silence does not mean "without sound".....it is rather that in you which is aware of all things. And when it enjoys natural unfoldings like the ones you described above.....the mind sinks into it....and becomes less noisy (or "levelheaded" as you perceived it). This....is also what happens when we meditate.....only that Deep Meditation takes this to a much deeper level. One slowly falls in love with quietness too....

 

quote:I can never seem to shut out the commentary and always recall hearing someone else make that same statement.

You are not to shut out the commentary...(this only creates tension and more commentary).....the commentary can stay. But you don't have to believe in it, see.... The practice of Deep Meditation facilitates this "not-believing-the-thoughts-occuring-all-the-time". Nothing is wrong with the commentaries...it is what minds do. Slowly becoming more spacious inside.... helps one to see that.

Thanks again for sharing so beautifully the walk in the woods
I really enjoyed it

[Yonatan]

Thanks for the conversation

Love,

Yonatan

[sagebrush]

The name of the tree is an Osage Orange.

And thanks for the nudge again with the deep meditation. I just need to read and/or get the book. I am very interested in this.

thanks
sage

[Lacinato]

All the vital information can be found for free, online on this website. There are also audio files here, both free and that you can buy. It's available in so many ways!

[porcupine]

sometimes i think the best yoga is caring

[Mark Lehman]

Hi Guys,

I have also the same problem as sage and i am not able to change my sister.Need Help.

Thanks
Mark.

[amoux]

Mark - are you familiar with the Work of Byron Katie - 4 questions and a turnaround?  

Make a statement - in this case, say, "My sister needs to change", then hold it up to enquiry:

Is it true?
Can I absolutely know that it's true?
How do I feel when I think that thought?
How would I feel if I dropped that thought? (and don't try to drop it)

Turn it around.



Good luck

[Snookie2]

Dont' know what to say. That's family! Hugs!