Thanks for posting this, Tadeas.
A powerful and important topic, and dialog, to be sure.
The illusion of separate self is the fundamental illusion (I know that elsewhere I call it the "thought self" - same thing) --- though what is *effectively* as fundamental is that which keeps the fundamental illusion in place.
And what is effectively as fundamental as *that* secondary illusion, which keeps the fundamental illusion in place -- is the *tertiary* illusion of living as though those first two illusions are real ... and living life (or the thought-self's dream imitation of life) based on what the specific conditioning of the thought-self considers good or bad.
Am I making this up on the fly?
Not quite.
Abhinavagupta and friends covered it nicely roughly a thousand years ago.
The primary illusion is called Anavamala - the veil of the separate self.
The secondary illusion is called Mayiyamala - the veil of the ideas of limitation, aka Maya - "to measure" ("I, Me & Mine" as the Bhagavad Gita says).
The tertiary illusion is called Karmamala - the veil of Good and Bad action (and/or Knowledge of Good and Evil -- same dream; same root, same tree, same fruit.)
So, in a dream where reality is obscured by all three veils ... where does one begin?
Kriyayoga/Action (Practices) erases Karmamala
(Most of AYP falls into this "Practices/Action" category).
Jnanayoga/Knowing (Clear Mind) erases Mayiyamala.
(AYP Self-Inquiry and related mind/awareness teachings and discussions falls into this "Empowered Mind/Knowing" category).
Icchayoga/Will (Unbound Awareness) erases Anavamala
(Pure Bliss Consciousness, Outpouring of Divine Love, realization-enlightenment, etc. -- comprises this category -- which are basically the results of AYP & Inner Guru Guidance).
I love how *neatly* this all fits ... the specific yoga-level, more or less, cures the specific illusion level!
Which isn't to say that someone at the "Empowered Level" (per this system - Trika Yoga or Kashmir Shaivism; these levels aren't formally part of AYP ..... they're just AUM ---- Another Useful Map
) won't have any judgments of Good/Bad ... but rather, that this attitude of mind, the most external level of illusion, tends to subside a *lot* by the time this level is essentially completed (which doesn't mean practices stop .... these are more "loose but meaningful reference points" than definitive lines or levels; it means more that subjective view *evolves* as layers of illusion are released.)
These levels are also known as:
Anavopaya (Individual Means)
Shaktopaya (Empowered Means)
Shambhavopaya (Divine Means)
A custom combination of these levels is at the heart of every awakening.
What does this have to do with Polyamory?
Only Everything.
Because ultimately, it's not actually about Polyamory ... it's about "Unamory" - One Love.
I agree with the statements in your post (though there were a lot of them - statements - so I can't say for sure .... which is fine .... some other AYPers manage to say stuff using a lot of words, too .......
).
Plainly Said: there's not too much that tends to keep the illusion of the separate me, *or* the separate "you" in place, than the ego's ideas about love.
A lot of people hear "Love your neighbor as yourself" and think that it means we should love our neighbor with kindness and caring because they're just like us. Or something.
Which misses the entire point.
"Love your neighbor as Your SELF."
Only the dream of separation could think it wise to know-love otherwise.
Ideas about possession in love, and what's "right" or "wrong"; or jealousy, or even good ol' well-meaning but always-insane insecurity .... are not love.
They have nothing to do with love.
Neither does having "my needs met." <- Gotta give the thought-self *some* credit .... it's *good* in a perpetuating-hell kinda way .....
We all know real loving.
Because at Heart, *as* Heart - we are real loving.
Love doesn't "get" .... Love getting is kinda like "wind sucking" .... some thought-me could probably dream up a way this happens .... but it's at odds with the very reality.
When Loving is fully in place ... you know yourself, fundamentally, to BE your Beloved.
Her/His joy is your joy.
Her/His sorrow is your sorrow.
Her/His enlightenment is your highest priority -- first and foremost by realizing true nature in each/both/all of you ..... because in real loving, it can't be any other way.
Helping every moment He/She/They/It/ALL
experience to be uplifting if possible, happy if possible, wonderful if possible ... is natural, is inherent once the dream of selfish thought-me dissolves.
The mind doesn't want to hear this.
The heart can't help it.
True loving can't see the Beloved as an object.
It's too busy knowing the Beloved as "shared subject" - as the Oneness.
Loving is indeed a gateway HOME.
Sadly, it is so often cited as a fortress barring the way to HOME.
Giving Loving is all that matters.
Giving Loving and Reality are not-different.
Giving Loving is not the "sacrifice" of one who "gives, and gives and gives" ... that's the other side of the coin of "getting, and getting and getting" ... and it works just as well to keep the dream in place.
Enlightenment is Align-enment is EnLOVINGment.
"Same".
If you feel you don't know true loving, or have issues in the area of loving ... just open Heart all the way .... and LOVE as all you are.
Loving isn't something you can get.
Loving isn't something you can do.
Ultimately - LOVING *is* True Nature.
Relationship (of any/all kinds, apparently ....) is an ideal opportunity for realizing ... because realization isn't about you attaining something .... realization is about union.
If the thought-self is dropped, and relationship - giving loving - is present - union *is* -- and there is no greater joy, anywhere.
It's why we do this.
This.
This human thing.
As Abhinavagupta says:
The true nature of 'I', in embodied humanity, is called 'Us'".
Intending the Awakening of Loving as ALL,
Kirtanman