Hello everyone .
I do not know if this is the right place to talk about it, but as this inevitably affects my spiritual life (like any everyday situation now), I saw no better place to talk to a community that I respect and in which I trust.
2 weeks ago, my two and a half years old niece has been left in the car by my step-brother , who has returned nearly two hours later to find her in an unconscious state. A scan revealed that she had damages to the brain (cerebellum), and his liver was in very poor condition. She struggled for ten days and then her liver eventually resumed normal operation. Then she had a brain edema, which has not worsened since and probably even absorbed.
For two days she'e been awake but in a worrying state, she does not seem to be aware of her environment, in short, all indications are that it will have very serious consequences. This is hard for the whole family, especially her parents, notably her father who should bear the burden of guilt. As you can guess, my step-brother is in a state of distress that I can barely imagine.
Sorry for bringing that sad topic to myself, but I want to talk about how I handle the situation. According to my wife, my reaction is worrying. I must admit that in this difficult moment, I sometimes feel little concerned, I take refuge in work (the current period is particularly intense at work) and sometimes I feel little emotions regarding the situation, except when I see the whole family in tears or during my visit to my niece when I saw her in his hospital bed.
All my life I felt little emotional reactions to things , I'm often in an attitude of great detachment and I finally feel little. Sometimes I think it is a strength, but when I really think about it, I must confess that it's more like a strategy of escape or denial on my part. The problem is that when I try to put me back to myself and allow myself to feel, it is very rare that I feel something anyway.
I do not know how to unlock everything. I guess meditation and spiritual practice, step by step, will eventually "open the floodgates". But it bothers me to be so detached from everything and so little emotionally involved. I do not know how to do because I feel that I do not react in a healthy way.
At the same time, this is my way of being, and this is not a voluntary reaction. This is the way I do, I do not know any other. I can not blame me.
I am in a dilemma in this situation. What do you think?
