should i self pace?

[Akasha]

I tried your suggestions and i think i had a more fruitful DM session last night.(Perhaps ayp/enlightenement is'nt as easy as i thought)I think i altered my technique.

I think i am still holding on to a lot of fear and anger.( accumulated over  last few yrs)

I know it's not always helpful necessarily to analyse all our obstructions being releeased but this appeared confirmed by a dream (though the thought actually came to me last night beofre i went to sleep)where i viisted a hotel paid  but then turned down a few prostitutes ( though they were nothing special) as i said i could'nt afford it. The establishement (were kinda disspointed as they) wanted my money and were making my exit a bit long-winded. So  after much prevarication i climbed on my bicycle ,did a u-turn trying to get away, turning round( i always had some dificulty and paranoia about turning around) some guy with a kosh is trying to truncheon me one. I always had this feeling( throughout my life generally) pple were envious of what they thought i had ( though i have'nt seen my self certainly these past 15 yrs after geting into the smack scene as having much at all, &  quite destitute) I thought in mild state of habituated fear-based panic 'what is this all about' and woke uup.  I had released my seed  prior to going back to sleep and my dream changed it's frequency. It was'nt a nightmare but just a reminder of a red-light state i've been on for a couple of years.

It is just a reminder from the unconscious  mind that there is still that residual fear and anger( that had it's basis partly to do with environmental reasons) still wanting to hang on.

It might seem a bit gratutitous to share this, but there you go.No harm in getting personal. It might provide background  to  where i think  i'm coming from a little perhaps.If i work through the obstructions on a daily basis then they should all go.

I've always had this feeling of feeling confined mentally,emotionally and physically especially the last few years.And there being a certain level of pain i've had to just well tolerate.So in that sense i am grateful for ayp but realise it might take some time.

Changing my DM technique might just help.

thx

A.

[miguel]

quote:Changing my DM technique might just help.

im sure[]

[miguel]

Finally and definitely im passing trought a more sensitive phase.
Now,today i decided to reduce to 1 mte sbp and 5 mtes dm.The last two dm have been very energetic meditacion.Yesterday lots of flashes of coloured geometric figures in 3 eye while doing dm.
Im having lot of dreams at night related with my past.Lot of dreams.Also i am becoming more able  to catch lot of thoughts during the day and dissolve them or inquire them....whit increasing inner silence coming here.
This is an amazing phase.Not easy to get trought,im in a low phase since the last week.Somedays there are phases in which i connect with very deep traumas and fears,and the suffering is too intense And its really hard(thats why today i reduced again my practices).Lot of purification,and self pacing is a real gift here.It allows me to keep me in the practice.

Im at the minimum of practice now.When thigs will get stable again ill retur to my normal practice again.This is the bell curve,and it changes along the months of practice.

[Lacinato]

How's it going? I've been following your posts, since I have to be careful with self-pacing as well, and am rather frustrated. I do DM longer (ten minutes, and then for a few moments in the evening) but am terrified of doing any pranayama, since it burns my nervous system. A bit of samyama is okay. It is so frustrating--I just want a bit of inner peace, I don't care about bliss or esctacy. But I have to be so careful!