Hi
Various Bubbles About a week ago, after a double meditation session (one deep silence and one on the heart), I had to urinate so I did. As the stream hit the water in the bowl, it produced bubbles. I watched the bubbles and suddenly they came alive! They were glistening, shining, shimmering, radiant, little rainbows; they were enthralling and held me spellbound! I loved them .. awe insipiring .. magical .. beautiful vivid sparkling bright colors .. they were alive!!! When the last drop hit the water, the final wave pulsed; it was so rhythmic and peaceful. The whole surface of the water glistened and shimmered. I would have never believed that something I've seen all of my life could all-of-a-sudden become so interesting and alive. I stood there for a few minutes just savoring the experience thinking that this is incredulous. In retrospect, I think I was feeling the whole episode from my heart instead of my senses; that's the only way I can explain it. What strange perceptions... and how do you tell someone what just happened?
True confessions About three years ago, after an intimate love-making session with my "wife" (ex-wife now..) I had this horribly intense pain in the area of the perenium. I didn't know what to make of it. I could hardly sit down. The intense pain lasted for three weeks and then kind of moved to my coccyx. I couldn't sit very long and it was very painful to get out of the chair after sitting. Over the next year, sometimes the pain would go away for a while but would return towards the end of the day. I could sit for at most 40 minutes until finally I couldn't bear the pain any more and had to stand and walk around. As well, at the same time I started getting the runs (diarhea) for days at a stretch. Sometimes that would last a month and then go away. Sometimes two months.
The doctor told me that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I had no idea what I had, but this is what started me meditating again in my life. That was three years ago.
Nowadays, I still have the runs. Since I've been practicing better posture, the pain in the tailbone area is almost gone. It comes back sometimes when I do things like the horse stance or sit in a slouched position. I was very surprised to read a number of posts on kundalini that the pain might be kundalini piercing the root chakra. I was equally surprised to read from other posts that IBS could also be a kundalini symptom.
As I reflect over the course of events during the last three years, I've come to realize that perhaps this is when my kundalini became active. I had no idea at the time.
Heart meditation When I first tried the heart meditation on the indestructable drop in the heart as described in "The Clear Light of Bliss", I saw an area in my heart chakra that resembles some whitish straws twisted around each other. In the center of this 'knot' is a small round ball of white light surrounded by a ring of light blue. There is also a thin white chord projecting out from the heart knot to about 4 inches in front of my chest, and there is another light clump of white light at then end of that chord. I was somewhat confused about this until I realized that perhaps this other clump of white light was my astral self that had shrunken quite a bit.
In the Clear Light of Bliss, it says that the indestructible drop in the heart is white and reddish in color. As hard as I try to clearly perceive this, it does not appear reddish to me. It is blueish. It's center is white and the periphery is light blue.
So far, I haven't succeeded in tying my concentration to the indestructible drop for very long. I've come to realize that I have to consciously control my breathing in order to sustain an unbroken stream of concentration on the little blue ball of light in my heart. This has led me to wonder about the aspect of letting the breath go during 'i am' meditation. I've read several other books which say to co-ordinate mantra repetition with the breath, repeating the mantra on the in-breath and once again on the out-breath, with no pauses in between. One book states that the hole where extraneous thoughts gets into the mind is the pause between breathing. In order to produce a steady stream of attention, one shouldn't pause between breaths during meditation..
Kundalini Dancing About 4 days ago, as I was sitting on the bathroom floor having (you guessed it) a smoke after meditating, a woman appeared to me in my 3'rd eye vision. Although I ignore visions during meditation now, I pay attention to the ones that just come out of nowhere when I'm doing something else.
Not knowing who or what this woman was, I bound it in the name of Jesus Christ, asked it to leave if it was not from the highest purest realms and prayed the blood of Jesus over it. (This is my protection routine). The woman remained. She was dancing.
She has long brown curly hair, blue eyes and white teeth. She wears a yellow top and a long blue-black skirt with white puffy fringes underneath that comes down to just above her knees. She has bare feet and shakes a tamboreen. Or rather, sometimes she has a tamboreen. Sometimes she lifts one leg and twirls around. She is very beautiful. She kind of hops when she dances and swings her feet around.
I asked her "Who are you?". She replied "I am Kundalini". I asked "Why are you dancing?" She replied "I am dancing for you". After saying that, she slowly spun in a circle and kept dancing. I asked her why she had no shoes. She said that she could wear shoes if I'd like. [a pair of black high heels appeared on her feet]. With the heels on, she did not dance with the same carefree pulsing rhythym as before. So, I asked to to take the shoes off. She did. Hmm.. I asked her to take off her clothes. She did. She had golden chains hanging from her breasts and around her torso, like a bikini. She said "I can look like anyone you'd like. I can be anyone.". At this point I was kind of amused and somewhat perplexed.
I opened my eyes and then closed them again. She was still there. Her skirt was back on and she had resumed the dance. For the rest of the night, whenever I closed my eyes, or peered into the 3'rd eye cave, she was there.
For the last four days in a row, she has always been there, dancing for me. I can see her, even with my eyes open, when I focus on her. The 3'rd eye cave that opened up a while ago now has a woman who calls herself Kundalini dancing in it! Sometimes she lifts both hands up into the sky and I feel tingles showering down on me. Most of the time she just keeps dancing. (sounds like a schizo tale, eh?)
Two nights ago she appeared to me in a dream. She and I were staying together in a retreat, enjoying each other's company, embracing and smiling at each other. When night came, we were shown to a bed in a large open room next to a large courtyard. We went to sleep. I woke in the middle of the night to discover that I was laying on the floor next to the bed. When I tried to get back into the bed with her, there were 9 other people with their beds next to ours, all lined up in a row, each in their own bed. Some of the people were women, some were old men and some were children.
She (Kundalini) asked me to return to the floor because there was only room enough for 10 people in the 10 beds. I remembered that sleeping on the floor was ok so I went back to sleep on the floor next to the bed. Then I woke up.
I identify the 10 beds as the 10 doors through which you can pierce the central channel. I was wondering why Kundalini, with her blue eyes, long brown hair and little white panties had appeared to me in a dream as my companion, in the 10'th bed. I know it is a sign. Perhaps there is some connection to the Kundalini woman and the "Dance of the Siddhars" song which I have been listening to recently?
Play of Consciousness - Muktananda Finally this book came in yesterday. What a great book. I spent all of last night and this morning reading it. Finished it early today. I was spellbound and would be inclined to say that Muktananda is definately enlightened. I wish I would have read that book back in the 70's. I didn't know you can use the blue pearl for travel! Also, it mentions that anyone who touches the book automatically gets some kind of shaktipat. Is that why I feel dazed today?
Today, just to try something new, (I've been doing the 'i am' meditation twice a day for 7 months now) I decided to try Muktananda's meditation. This meditation is to mentally repeat "Om Namah Shivaya" (I am Shiva) on the in-breath and once again on the out breath with no pauses in between breaths. I also added sambhavi and the tongue on the epiglotis. After about two minutes of getting the rhythm going, a clump of white light appeared in my crown area and it stayed there throughout the duration of the meditation. The 30 minutes just flew by and before I knew it, the alarm went off. It felt like 5 minutes had passed. As I rested I noticed that I felt extremely good, like I had a current of something was permeateing my whole body. I also noticed that I had a peculiar sexual feeling like I was on the verge of getting turned on. These two sensations are still with me as I write this. I feel like I am in a daze or in a dream right now.
Bits and bytes Here are some points of interest:
-Chi, prana or heat follows the out breath. If I breathe very slowly, gently out through my nose, wherever I focus my attention gets hot. If I don't focus my attention and breathe out very slowly, my face and hands get hot.
-I can pump up my aura by breathing in and then, on the out-breath, by imagining my aura getting bigger, stronger and whiter.
-I was in the restaurant and got something caught in my throat. I started coughing. By the last cough, I coughed so hard that I saw an outline of my body in red.
-The book "Your Hands Can Heal You" is full of detail and contains many procedures for channeling prana. However, it continually stresses the importance of cleansing the hands during healing, as in "spraying the hands with alcohol". This is because you use your own etheric body to pull out blockages and negative prana. On the other hand (pun intended), Mantak Chia's Cosmic Healing book sends rays of prana or chi through the target area and beyond it to carry the bad stuff away from both of you, hence there is no need for cleansing. Seems like a better way to go.
-I attempted to prana-laser out a small cyst in my right arm by projecting white-orange prana at it, using controlled breathing, root lock and kechari. I did this for two minutes. Then, I sent in blue-green prana to stablize and rebuild. In all I spent about 5 minutes on it. Immediately after doing this, I felt a lump in the right side of my throat! It felt like I had a ball in my throat or strep throat and it hurt when I swallowed. So, I 'brushed my throat area' with long white fingers and pulled out the blockage (and sent it burning into violet light). Five minutes later it was gone. It appears that there is some kind of connection between the cyst in my arm and my throat chakra. Isn't learning fun?
TI