I am not involved presently in any kind of spiritual activity although like most people I have that sort of a yearning. Life though is very short, theres debates on that, most people on this site probably assume such things as reincarnation or what have you but I being the average ignorant soul have no such knowledge.
Life being short it is hard to make choices about what to do with it or what to prioritise. Prior to meeting a boy I was very interested in religion (although I was focusing on Christianity then) and considering maybe one day I would become a nun. Then one day this boy said to me that if I couldn't love him he must be unlovable and I caved. I knew full well he wasn't unlovable, I knew I could love him, I just didn't like the idea of sacrificing my freedom in order to love him, but in the face of his being all sad I decided his not being all sad was a good site less uncomfortable for me (at least in the short term) than my having to, heaven forbid, make compromises and not do exactly whatever I want whenever I want.
And it worked out well so far. But it completely killed the draw to religion. That was a big struggle it seemed like. Before I felt very loosely tied to life, very loosely involved in "the world" which is why I went out looking for other things to do. Maybe religion could be something to do since I had nothing else to do. Now I have things to do.
Its true, love for a boy ties me very much to the world. Makes me care about the future, makes me care about people when I'd never have reason to care before. Makes me care about a specific place and specific things. Makes me a lot more specific in my affections all round. Makes me less detached, less abstract and more concrete. And I think this has been good in some ways.
Before I sort of thought "maybe one day I will become a nun" now I feel like "I will make money to buy at least 8-10 acres but ideally more like 40-60 acres, I will buy a Yurt to live in with a wood stove in the middle and then I will plant a food forest on my land and invite our families to live there off the land and have some children, I will work to improve local food security and try and strengthen the local language against the invading language of English (which is MY native language - but my boy is local and his children will be local)".
It's weird.
And sometimes I think "maybe I should look into religion and spirituality again" - my boy is against that stuff. He has very modern sensibilities about religion (its the ebil oppressor and at the same time superstitious nonsense followed by women and the uneducated). Do I have time though? When I need to prepare the ground for my family to thrive in an uncertain future?
How do most people handle the issue of time and how little of it we know we have before we are gone? I think all the time I have no idea how things will turn out, that my best laid plans will turn to naught, that Diogenes couldn't tell the corpse of Alexander the Great from the corpse of a slave, but I still want to try and prepare and make plans and build a world within the world, because I want to provide - as much as I can - a good life for my family.
It's weird. When I was being a Christian I heard all about God loving us. And I couldn't really understand. I only understand what love means now that I have someone I love, not just cupboard love like to my parents (I dunno, I do love them but its not a very selfless love, its very "yay me!" and at best "let me repay you a little for the lots you've given" - I've promised to take care of them when they are old though, so hopefully I can make it up) - but I more and more understand all the stuff about God's love now, even if I find it hard to believe in God, because I can see love in reality.
I only found this forum by accident looking for something completely different (the phrase "loss of free will" on google) but I was struck by curiosity to ask this question.