The mechanics of spiritual bypassing..Discovering this I, the "I am" is like falling in love. With myself. Eager to discover the mysteries of the Beloved, this me. Bhakti has shifted suddenly from devotion to an Ishta to devotion to this me. Daily living is like being in a lucid dream.
And yet, stuff comes up - fleeting glimpses of pain or hurt.. In this, the mechanics of spiritual bypassing are becoming clear.. It came up over the last day in an interpersonal exchange with a friend whom I love and respect dearly, whom I share every spiritual opening with and who has been a steady presence in my life. However, in many of our conversations, it had become apparent that he didn't place the same "value" to this relationship. The way I had dealt with it in the past was to repress the sadness that brought up, or in states of expanded consciousness, bypass it entirely (which is just another way of repressing). After it would pass, we would continue with our exchanges. This occurred once again over the last few days, and this time, attuned to deep inquiry that has been ongoing, I was forced to look at it.
So, here I am, as this I, my true nature, from whose vantage point, everything like this is silly and meaningless. Yet, as in a dream, it sure
feels real. What is the underlying cause of it that makes it seem real? As I let go into this, it became clear - I was projecting
my need for a special relationship with this person. He didn't see it that way because it isn't
his need or experience. As I let go deeper, I wondered where this need arose from. And it was revealed that it arose from a sense of lacking driving the need for approval from him, whom I had emotional coloring attached to. So I decided to look for this needy one. And she was nowhere to be found. Each thought that arose about it was inherently empty; the coloring itself inherently empty and finally, the needy one merely an empty thought. As soon as this was seen, the thought-feeling dissolved, once again leaving behind the I am. Radiant, peaceful, eternal, joyful. And finally, from deep in my heart, I was able to let go of him in total love and acceptance. And in a flash of deep insight, it was startling to see that there is no inherent "value" to
any relationship. Any perceived value is just that - a perception. Whose? Mine. Where is this me? No "where". So this is nothing but a thought/concept/belief of "me" giving rise to yet another thought/concept/belief of "value" in a given relationship. If this isn't madness, I don't know what is!
Spiritual bypassing happens like this:
1. Opening into one's true nature - which is mostly intellectual to begin with, for most of us. For this to become an ongoing, ever-deepening living reality takes time and ongoing inquiry.
2. Because it is mostly intellectual, stuff related to the identification as the limited self happens/comes up.
3. When it does come up, the easy escape route is to deliberately revert to #1, with a quasi nihilistic attitude of "there is nobody here anyways". However, once again, because of #2, it doesn't really quite gel and there is a huge chasm between where one really is (mostly intellectual knowing) and where one thinks one is (experiential knowing).
4. The chasm and rejection of what comes up to be (prematurely) "nonexistent" results in bypassing, aka, repression.
5. Because of the premature illusion of having arrived and not having processed the coming up stuff, the stuff keeps happening again and again and again.
The cure for this (from my experience) is to:
1. Acknowledge that this is the case.
2. Know where one is (even if the initial knowing of one's true nature is transformative, it isn't complete).
3. Take the stuff that comes up to be real (because it sure feels that way), and worthy of inquiry.
4. Inquire deeply and surrender to the nature of the stuff, working backwards to the felt sense of "I suffer", and finally "look" for that suffering I.
5. Do this as many times as it comes up, knowing fully that in complete and experiential knowledge of "I am", this can't arise. Thus, it is merely an invitation to know the Beloved more intimately.