Such a longing

[k123]

If we know how to redirect our emotional energy toward our highest ideal, whether it be "God" or "Truth" or "Love," then huge invisible forces will be turned loose that bring knowledge to us in an avalanche. Such is the power of bhakti - AYP

I love the above lines. Lately I have been alternating between a bit of overload and intense longing for truth, love, God, whatever name one gives it. I have had this a long time, but sometimes it is so strong it is hard to bear.  The words to a k d Lang song sometimes run through my head. About a great magnet pulling all souls towards truth. It really feels like that sometimes, as if there is something alive pulling me onwards. It is so strong.

I have been sitting reading old posts where Katrine and others describe moments of awakening, they are hugely inspirational and yet they add to the intense longing. Sometimes it feels hard to bear. I wonder if it contributes to my tendency to overload. I have not been able to practice DM and SBP for a few days now, just simple sitting allowing what arises and being consciously present in my body.

Sometimes I feel so far away from home... Even though I know in theory that there is only now and that awakening can only be in the moment.. But then again, I suppose that this is the nature of longing

[CarsonZi]

Hi k123

quote:Originally posted by k123

Lately I have been alternating between a bit of overload and intense longing for truth, love, God, whatever name one gives it.

Just thought I'd mention this, maybe you already know... but, for some of us, an intense longing for anything (but particularly for "truth, love, God, ....") can be a symptom of imbalance/energetic overload.  It was for me.  Just thought it may be worth mentioning.

Lots of love,
Carson

[maheswari]

Dear k123
i second Carson advice...
Love

[kami]

Hi k123!

Your post resonates deeply here. Bhakti is like that - magnetic and powerful. There were times when I felt paralyzed, rooted to the spot with heart (and whole body) aflame, when a strong wave of longing for God hit. And that flame of longing was fanned regularly by this forum and reports of awakening, energy, etc etc. It really didn't matter who it was that was saying, "It is different for each of us; don't go by others' experiences." I still went by them

Only over the last year and in profound awakening experiences have I come to see for myself that indeed each of our paths is unique and different. How and when awakening will happen and what flavor it will take for each one is mysterious and beautiful. Bhakti also evolves with openings - what was a dualistic longing for the One "there" has been replaced by a longing to be constantly in communion with the One "here", Who has always been right here.

If intense Bhakti leads to intense practices, there is a greater probability of that being too much. In my humble opinion, it is best to keep the heart's longing going, but using the head to decide how much to practice. Also, this longing goes up and down in intensity (and that is actually a good thing). High intensity bhakti where one cannot practice at all isn't helpful; at those times, it is best to get more involved with mundane things - work, friends, family.. And then try to add back in practices gingerly. If you are into devotional practices, cut back a bit and see how that goes. It takes a bit of fine tuning to find the balance. And that point of balance is fluid and dynamic, shifting as we open more and more. Thus, ongoing fine tuning is required.

Hope this helps

Love,
kami

[Shanti]

Check this out as well (goes with what everyone else here is saying ):
Lesson 341 – Bhakti and Self-Pacing

[k123]

Thanks all for the very grounding wisdom, it is just what I needed!

Carson and maheswari yes that is exactly right, although I had not realised it until I read the replies. I had been going with the of idea that all bhakti was good to just go along with unquestioningly, and I tend towards doing stuff addictively anyway. The longing certainly felt out of balance energetically

kami, wonderful, what you say about individual paths and the rise and fall of Bhakti is very helpful. It does draw me on and keep me practicing, but I need to balance it with ordinary life and learn how to navigate it. There has been such a lot going on in both my practice and my work life where bloody "opportunities for growth" seem to be the uncomfortable norm at the moment. It is quite tiring!  I like the point about the balance being something fluid, that is what I experience and what works at one time may be too much at another. I am gradually getting to feel where that point is in advance and to also pick up ways of physically grounding myself that work for me. It is very much trial and error.

Shanti thanks, as always you know exactly what someone needs. I love the bit in the lesson about it being like driving a fast car and learning when to accelerate and when to keep the foot off the pedal.

[mr_anderson]

quote:I tend towards doing stuff addictively anyway

This is me all over.

That is why I find non-dual self inquiry so helpful. Tendency is towards longing for me, but the inquiry awakened me to the realization - "that which you seek, is that which is aware of the seeking!", allowing me to relax out of identification with emotions and thoughts that are longing for something, and instead relax into the true nature of joy and free awareness which is ever present.

[k123]

Thanks Josh, I love some of the non dual thinking and enquiry, although after a long time going to satsangs and reading books, I am glad to be back with the AYP practices.

There is definitely a relaxing out of identification at times, and this is growing, but the stronger feelings and energies still catch me up a lot of the time.