Milestones 2015

[mr_anderson]

I like to occasionally just post an update on my experiences along the road. In 2012, I had an experience which left a permanent impact on me. There was an experience where I had the sense of being Awareness. I realized I’d always been this spacious, free, liberated expanse of consciousness. It was the most joyful time of my entire life, and lasted for several months. The peak eventually subsided, but it left a permanent insight that didn’t go away.

N.B. The nature of language is dualistic so when I say “I realized” it can be taken with a pinch of salt It’s just sometimes easier to tie things into a personal narrative.


It’s now 2015, almost three years have passed. I’m still doing my practices every day, meditation and pranayama. AYP has been my bedrock routine, the one I always come back to, although there are times when I get overloaded and don’t seem to be able to do it for a while. One thing I can say is this: if I’m routinely doing my AYP, I’m a happier and better person.


For about the past year (2014), I felt a little bit lost. I had two girls I fell for pretty hard, one early in the year, one late in the year, and for one reason or other, it didn’t quite work out. I also experienced a declining spiritual motivation. I wanted to be more engaged in the world. This was a good thing in many ways, but I had a lot less spiritually joyful times, those which come with a sense of radiant purity and joy, although many great human experiences.


In 2015, I’ve been coming back to the radiance of awareness, and inner silence, and engaging more actively in practices. I feel like the expansive joyful radiance of awareness is starting to come into my emotional body, the weaker and darker sides of my human nature. There’s a small crack and some light is shining in. It’s a good thing.


Those most important insight I'm experiencing on a bodily-level recently is to move towards happiness and joy in the present, not my mind's ideas of what it wants that will bring happiness in the future conditional on it getting them. It seems that I have to learn this lesson over and over again, each time going a little deeper.

Love and best wishes,


J.

[Ecdyonurus]

[Dogboy]

many happy returns for you

[AYPadmin]

BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1462 Posts

 Posted - Apr 07 2015 :  1:31:49 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thank you for sharing J.

quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson
happiness and joy in the present, not my mind's ideas of what it wants that will bring happiness in the future conditional on it getting them.


Well said. Yes, after trying both avenues, I am now convinced that is the only way I can be happy.
And yes, one needs to live in the world, with other people, to fully grow. It's wonderful how you carry the map and the compass inside - you seem to know exactly where you need to go.

All the best on your journey
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts

 Posted - Apr 07 2015 :  4:39:34 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thank you for being candid, Josh. Your language always comes across as refreshingly honest.

Here's to happiness and joy in the present. Wishing you an abundance of inner sensuality.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts

 Posted - Apr 07 2015 :  5:11:21 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thank you Mr. Anderson for sharing. Looks like we are at a similar point in the path. Good Luck!


Sunyata
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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts

 Posted - Apr 08 2015 :  5:14:20 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit mr_anderson's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thanks a lot for all the feedback guys. I think to add to what I was saying above, the basic theme I'm experiencing now is learning to fully engage with my humanity. When I started on the path, I so badly wanted to transcend all the messiness and difficulty of being human. I wanted to constantly be in states of bliss and joy and so forth. I did get that, had a powerful awakening experience which was joyous beyond belief, and revealed so much. We all need some bliss and joy in our lives (frequently is better), but often we don't want to let ourselves feel or experience any of the negative and unpleasant things.

I'm finding I'm opening inside to allow the whole of duality inside me, even the most unpleasant stuff. And to allow myself to experience it without any coping strategies, without calming my mind, or dropping the stories, or having any kind of method for meeting it or controlling it or processing it or whatever. Just to be completely human, as I am, the bad and the good, no desire for anything to be different. Of course the practices and inner stillness allow one's humanity to be engaged from a place of inner sanity, so the storms within don't do any lasting damage, and leave a radiant day behind them when they pass.
Edited by - mr_anderson on Apr 08 2015 5:15:48 PM
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kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
661 Posts

 Posted - Apr 08 2015 :  5:33:18 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
just what i needed mr anderson thankyou
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maheswari
Lebanon
2333 Posts

 Posted - Apr 09 2015 :  02:05:56 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
 
also i hope that you will find the right girl for you

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Charliedog
1528 Posts

 Posted - Apr 09 2015 :  02:27:20 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thank you mr_anderson for your honesty . 
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts

 Posted - Apr 09 2015 :  12:14:40 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Your faith has made you whole.
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jonesboy
USA
579 Posts

 Posted - Apr 09 2015 :  2:24:46 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit jonesboy's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Nice hearing from you Josh
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cosmic
USA
821 Posts

 Posted - Apr 29 2015 :  8:36:23 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
You continue to inspire me, Mr. A.

Very grateful
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Ananda
3103 Posts

 Posted - Apr 29 2015 :  11:10:12 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Ananda's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson

Thanks a lot for all the feedback guys. I think to add to what I was saying above, the basic theme I'm experiencing now is learning to fully engage with my humanity. When I started on the path, I so badly wanted to transcend all the messiness and difficulty of being human. I wanted to constantly be in states of bliss and joy and so forth. I did get that, had a powerful awakening experience which was joyous beyond belief, and revealed so much. We all need some bliss and joy in our lives (frequently is better), but often we don't want to let ourselves feel or experience any of the negative and unpleasant things.

I'm finding I'm opening inside to allow the whole of duality inside me, even the most unpleasant stuff. And to allow myself to experience it without any coping strategies, without calming my mind, or dropping the stories, or having any kind of method for meeting it or controlling it or processing it or whatever. Just to be completely human, as I am, the bad and the good, no desire for anything to be different. Of course the practices and inner stillness allow one's humanity to be engaged from a place of inner sanity, so the storms within don't do any lasting damage, and leave a radiant day behind them when they pass.


Dear one, apologies and I might be if time counts years back behind you at 2012 where u were at.... If u did realize what I think you did... Then you know u r not even human... But beyond that false self... Why fall back down from the impersonal which is real... Back to the personal which is false... Acting human is one thing and true imho but being human is false being.... Just my 2 cents. I am at a peaceful place now somewhat but i've been here before and have fallen and come back up and so on... Except this time there is no one to go and come back as u said... Examining or discriminating the nature of things or what is true or false is the way to go forward as Yogani puts it in lesson 333. Be fully engaged as an aware human but watch out for false identities such as thoughts and emotions or ur body for that matter... What is their nature? Who are you?

You already know this stuff and u are far more experienced than i am but aren't u fed up of this false identification with the wave... I know i am bcz of all the suffering i've been through.. U r and i am the same water/consciousness... The fabric of it all... This is not a heartless post... But it's even more human and real then what i read up there... U act as a real compassionate human being by being who u really are.

Namaste
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tonightsthenight
846 Posts

 Posted - Apr 30 2015 :  09:35:51 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Thanks for sharing Josh

Looking forward to catching up sometime soon. Maybe we can talk about Samkhya Philosophy.


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mr_anderson
USA
734 Posts

 Posted - Aug 09 2015 :  4:34:18 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit mr_anderson's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply

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Radharani
USA
843 Posts

 Posted - Aug 13 2015 :  04:40:21 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Radharani's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by mr_anderson

Thanks a lot for all the feedback guys. I think to add to what I was saying above, the basic theme I'm experiencing now is learning to fully engage with my humanity. When I started on the path, I so badly wanted to transcend all the messiness and difficulty of being human. I wanted to constantly be in states of bliss and joy and so forth. I did get that, had a powerful awakening experience which was joyous beyond belief, and revealed so much. We all need some bliss and joy in our lives (frequently is better), but often we don't want to let ourselves feel or experience any of the negative and unpleasant things.

I'm finding I'm opening inside to allow the whole of duality inside me, even the most unpleasant stuff. And to allow myself to experience it without any coping strategies, without calming my mind, or dropping the stories, or having any kind of method for meeting it or controlling it or processing it or whatever. Just to be completely human, as I am, the bad and the good, no desire for anything to be different. Of course the practices and inner stillness allow one's humanity to be engaged from a place of inner sanity, so the storms within don't do any lasting damage, and leave a radiant day behind them when they pass.


Can so relate to this! Well said, mr. anderson.
Much Love to you.