Yogaman's journal

[kami]

quote:Originally posted by Yogaman

Definitely feel like I am going through a "nothing is happening" stage. It's funny how on one hand we are told "it's subtle, and you'll see small changes in your everyday life", but then you read the AYP books and forums and people are talking about ecstatic conductivity, kundalini firehoses, unending deep stillness and bliss. Can seem a bit contradictory.

I'm sticking with things as I enjoy the sits and the habit. But I will admit that I do have a desire for more validation that I am headed in the right direction.

Hi Yogaman,

Thank you for sharing.

Thought I'd share that this is my general experience as well - long periods of nothing happening. At least nothing to write home about. In fact, for nearly 2 years after starting AYP, I avoided these forums altogether, because absolutely nothing that people described here was happening to me - no fireworks, no great Kundalini stuff.. And reading about others' experiences made me feel inadequate. But my relative undersensitivity has allowed me to go over the top with bhakti and practices without any problems - I can and frequently do heavily intensify practices during such quiet times (disclaimer - not recommended). Despite "nothing happening", the unfolding goes on. Occasionally, there is a spark of this or that, but really, it is all about how daily life is transformed.

Also, this unfolding can (and for many of us, will) go on for many more lifetimes.. And, I'm actually totally OK with it, which by itself is a sign that things are "happening".

Love and peace.

[Yonatan]

Interesting you say that kami, about being OK with unfolding in more future lives Because this is my experience too, when first beginning to be interested in spiritual stuff and a couple of years after that all I wanted was to stop the cycle of incarnations and get off this painful earth But now after a few years of AYP I am really absolutely OK and fine with incarnating how many more lives are needed to unfold Because I know it's all for the best and the good of me and all. Pure grace unfolding. Pure Love expressing. And I know I am not in any danger. Becuase my faith became so much stronger in the universal unfolding of things and the knowledge that it is all for Love How blissful is that?? (makes my cry!).

Much Love Yogaman and I agree with kami, sometimes there is an explosion of insight or energy, openings, but , at least for me, a lot of the time is just gradual and consistent unfolding which can be hard to see in one point in time, but after time has passed you see how much you've grown.

[Yogaman]

Kami and Yonatan: thanks for the thoughts I'm not much of a believer in future incarnations at the moment, I'm attracted to this system for the claims of direct experience.

I did have a nice sit tonight. Seemed to be able to reach some deep stillness once again. Had some pulsation in the perineum during spinal breathing while doing mula bandha.

I read up on the jhanas and access concentration tonight. I believe I've started to experience brief periods of access concentration since about a month ago. I notice a definite change in character in the experience, and it seems to match the descriptions I've read online. It's definitely a peaceful zone to be in.

[Yogaman]

Some nice sits the past days. I've noticed a change in my spinal breathing, the "energy" is more mobile now, having some effects similar to the automatic yoga I experience (head and neck movements). I've also been working on my sitting posture.  I feel as if I may not be offering my back the ideal situation, and if I were to have a more ideal posture I'd be able to slip into stillness much more deeply. As is, I find myself constantly micro-managing my posture. I can feel the body and the mind wanting to go to complete stillness, but the posture seems to be limiting that.

[KellyN]

Yogaman, I am right there with you about posture struggles i have been integrating sidhasana and finding it quite uncomfortable with the foot under me growing numb on several occasions....quite distracting! To alleviate that, i just went back to my usual cross legged sits. Interesting to read about head jerking movements. I just attributed it  to dozing-off- into -yonder -sleep, haha. Seriously, i have had my head jerk to one side, and forward on several occasions and thought i was probably falling asleep...this is automatic yoga? My right hand jerks sideways once in a while too. Tingling all through my skull and minor muscle contractions in my arms. Nothing is uncomfortable so i just keep going with mantra and breath. It stops when i end meditation and never persist for more than just a few minutes. Sometimes my sits are deep, and sometimes pretty shallow. My morning sits seem to be shallower than the afternoon ones. Also, i have read that facing north  or east is beneficial to one's  practice. Is that accurate?

[Yogaman]

quote:Originally posted by KellyN

Yogaman, I am right there with you about posture struggles i have been integrating sidhasana and finding it quite uncomfortable with the foot under me growing numb on several occasions....quite distracting! To alleviate that, i just went back to my usual cross legged sits. Interesting to read about head jerking movements. I just attributed it  to dozing-off- into -yonder -sleep, haha. Seriously, i have had my head jerk to one side, and forward on several occasions and thought i was probably falling asleep...this is automatic yoga? My right hand jerks sideways once in a while too. Tingling all through my skull and minor muscle contractions in my arms. Nothing is uncomfortable so i just keep going with mantra and breath. It stops when i end meditation and never persist for more than just a few minutes. Sometimes my sits are deep, and sometimes pretty shallow. My morning sits seem to be shallower than the afternoon ones. Also, i have read that facing north  or east is beneficial to one's  practice. Is that accurate?

Initially I had the same issues with siddhasana. You'll find you don't need to actually sit on top of the heel, and if sitting more upright with the hips properly rotated, you'll apply enough pressure. Also, you may try switching legs - my generic cross-legged pose was left on bottom, but right on bottom works better for siddhasana for me. The heel will find the pocket in-between the two sit bones.

For me, automatic yoga isn't a jerking movement, more of this serpentine "gel" of fluid energy that feels like it is exploring inside my body. Initially it was a very strong pulling backwards of the head. It never jerked me, but it think I've read accounts of it being like that.

I have a tough time determining which tingles and pulses of "energy" are just areas not getting enough blood due to poor posture, and more awareness of the pulse/circulation of the blood. The "searching energy" however is very distinct and unique. It took me a few months before much of these experiences started, and my practice was established and regular.

I am just in the past month reaching some deep stillness in the body, which seems to lead the mind there. Morning sits are less deep for me usually too, but not always. Sits come and go in level of stillness in cycles, and from what I've read, this never ends — even long-time meditators have good days and bad days.

As far as the minor twitches, those could be normal? I'm not experienced enough to say. It could also be that you are becoming more aware of these small movements. One thing I am noticing the more I am able to still the body is that we are constantly making dozens of micro-movements every second to maintain balance and position. Once you find that sweet spot, it becomes very obvious. It's like finding the balance when riding a bike with no hands, you just feel it when it's on, and sometimes it wavers — especially if the mind wanders (on the bike and on the cushion!).

I have no idea about the compass thing, sounds a bit fishy to me

One thing I do know is that all sits are good sits, because one made the time to sit.

[Yogaman]

Been having some superb sits the past few days. The cycling energy within has really become pronounced and more specific. It even has it's own quirks about the path it takes, very interesting. I'm noticing this energy flow throughout the day as well.

I can sink into a quite still mind and body quite quickly now once I settle in to do spinal breathing and meditation. I do wonder if this cycling energy is just scenery/distraction. But it keeps my mind focused, my body still, and I become very non-self-aware about the body, which at least for me is a sign I've reached a level of deep stillness. I find it very easy to focuse on the breath (I do not do mantra as I came to AYP from a breath focus approach). The energy also makes spinal breathing much more direct, it's less about imagining the energy, I can really feel it.

At times I still wonder if this is all in the imagination, but these direct experiences are very powerful, as well as pleasant and enjoyable. I look forward to my sits even more now.

[Yogaman]

So I've had some quite profound shifts in my meditation experiences over the past few days. What used to the the "searching energy" behind what I referred to as "automatic yoga" experiences has now seemed to have developed into this dynamic, fluid inner energy. It's got a life of its own, but it's under conscious control as well. A very loose analogy would be a gyroscope, where the easiest path is to work with the energy.

It definitely favors ascending the spine, but likes to cycle in the head as well. There is no longer any need to imagine the spinal nerve, as this energy seems to favor the exact path. There's even this weird quirk in the path as the energy travels down the from of the body that causes a back and forward movement of the head to ease the energy downwards. It's all very distinct and specific.

It isn't limited to spinal breathing or meditation either, it's eager to roam the inner pathways all day. Just a small bit of awareness towards it is enough. At times it can be quite strong and it's all pleasurable. Like the perfect combo of a massage and the cascading layers of water during a hot shower.

The first few days were the most intense, it seems to have stablised a bit today. I'm assuming this is related to the "ecstatic conductivity" referred to in the AYP lessons, and to kundalini. I've not read up much on anything since the effects began so as not to taint them with any more preconceived notions than I already have.

It was very rewarding to have such a noticeable change in my sits, but I can already see how these effects could be very distracting and how one could get caught up in them for a while. I also found myself a bit dejected when I noticed the reduced intensity of the effects in today's sits.

I've had some great sits since this started, spinal breathing is easily done, and sinking into stillness is quite natural as well during meditation.

[Yogaman]

The energy experiences continue, but the intensity has toned down somewhat. I find myself experiencing the spinal energy with any focus of awareness on that area throughout the day.  Sometimes cyclical,ump the back and down the front, other times repeated cascades up the back. Sometimes it rolls around and cycles within the head.

Meditations continue to be quite deep and still in both body and mind. The spinal energy flow continues usually. It's become a bit more integrated and less distracting. While overall it remains pleasurable, at times the energy can be a bit much. It definitely feels like I've reached a new stage of the process, and it has renewed my dedication to twice-daily practice.

[Yogaman]

The energy experiences have quieted down even more. I actually notice the movement more during non-meditation daily situations than during. When driving especially. My sits have been quite still physically, but much mind-wandering has been going on.

Sambhavi mudra has been improving a bit, becoming more natural. The reduction in intensity of the energy during spinal breathing has made me need to go back to giving more focus to visualizing the path, which adds to the complexity of maintaining mula bandha, sambhavi mudra, diaphragmatic breathing, and tracing the spinal nerve all simultaneously. It can be quite a balancing act.

[jonesboy]

Yogaman,

Those are some great experiences but I have two questions for you. Have you thought about adding Samyama and more importantly have you noticed positive changes in your daily life since starting this journey?

[Yogaman]

quote:Originally posted by jonesboy

Yogaman,

Those are some great experiences but I have two questions for you. Have you thought about adding Samyama and more importantly have you noticed positive changes in your daily life since starting this journey?

Samyama I am waiting to add until I have the current practices down. And I think I may extend my asana routine to the full set as my next extension. But I'm open to suggestions. From my understanding  Samyama was a practice that involved the three "final" rungs of yoga, some of which I've definitely not reached. Maybe I need to read over the technique again.

Indeed I have seen an overall improvement in my daily life in the past year.  The tricky thing is that I've made quite a bit of changes over the past year simultaneously to starting up AYP. Healthier eating, regular exercise, focusing on more ideal relationships, etc. Meditation however has been the one thing I've been most consistent with.

Regardless, I can say that my outlook on life, and my behavior within it has definitely improved. In a way, my life has become a parallel of the still meditative mind: I'm much less attached to results, able to watch/witness the passing of situations and myself acting within them, and in general leaning towards a quieter and deeper approach to friends, family, relationships and socializing.

Sometimes I wonder if any one of these activities is the cause at all, if perhaps instead it's the overall striving to put these healthy practices into effect. My decision, drive and daily effort to do these practices may be the linchpin that instigates the change.

I do enjoy meditation quite a bit, and plan on continuing the practice, but to be honest I can't really pinpoint it as the direct cause of any perceived changes. And sometimes too I feel as if I am just barricading the old lazy, unhealthy me as opposed to enacting true change. I wonder how much of the perceived change is placebo/wishful thinking.

Regardless, I can say this: my life is indeed different than it was before I started. I've gotten a fresh perspective on my life and how I live within it. That in itself has been quite illuminating in many ways.

Thanks for the questions, you unlocked some personal reflection that was missing from this journal.

[jonesboy]

Thank you Yogaman for your very honest and open response.

I only mention Samyama is because it sounds like you do have some inner silence going on. That is all that is required. I will admit it took me awhile to include it in my routine. It took a long time before I could handle it.  It is wise to get things stable before adding something new so please don't feel like I am pushing you.

[Yogaman]

quote:Originally posted by jonesboy

Thank you Yogaman for your very honest and open response.

I only mention Samyama is because it sounds like you do have some inner silence going on. That is all that is required. I will admit it took me awhile to include it in my routine. It took a long time before I could handle it.  It is wise to get things stable before adding something new so please don't feel like I am pushing you.

The only reason I've not looked into adding it is because I feel like I still need to nail down some of the basics. And expand some as well. The inner silence is intermittent. In fact, as the inner energy have gown more faint, so has experiences of inner silence.

But no, I didn't feel pushed at all. I welcome the advice and suggestion. I'm quite new to all of this and still feel as if I'm fumbling in the dark most of the time I'm hoping that by sharing the ongoing process, I may be able to get some pointers along the way and also help others like me who could use the same advice.

I met with a friend who's moved out of town, but visiting family for the holidays. She too was in a similar boat as I, having practiced meditation for some time but never really experiencing any of the "fireworks" that other people seem to have so easily when you're reading up on things online. I'm hoping because of my more flexible and open schedule that I can be a vanguard of sorts for her and other friends in the same mindset. Of course, I still have personal motivations for doing all of this as well.

One thing I've got nailed down at this point is the bhakti. I'm pretty focused on practicing and learning about yoga right now. I've even had to tone it down a bit as I noticed it was taking time away from my business and from other areas of my life. I just tend to go really deep on things once I get into them.

[chinmayo]

Hello Yogaman!

Yes, I think it's good to self-pace and not to advance too soon. I, for one, have found out that I have been advancing too much too soon, so I have backed off a bit. I dropped SPB and samyama for the time being, as I didn't think I got them right just yet and began to feel anxiety about it. Now, I had my first full sitting since that and I found the inner silence again that I felt I had "lost" for a while.

I still do the chigong + asanas, padmasana and DM with the mantra enhancement. No fireworks here, although I do feel some increasing lucid activity in the sleep which is sometimes a bit scary as I don't understand it.

Heheh, also guilty of going too deep into stuff sometimes. For the past six months I have been dedicating most of my stuff to spiritual practise and study, while dedicating almost no time at all to other things. But I guess I have come to a point now where I realize that it's not all there is and hopefully I'm now more able to put the stuff I have learnt so far into practise in real life. I guess there are some asperger qualitities and tendencies in me.

Blessed love!