The depression seems to have lifted a couple days ago. Been in a very positive mood despite a lingering cold or something that reared back up. I'm totally fine with that, much rather have the depression gone! I met with some friends last night. It was the first time I've had beer in a month, with only 2 pints the earlier time (and a 2-month hiatus prior to that). I really felt awful today. I woke early with an elevated heart rate and headache, and a general hangover. I'd only had 4 beers in 5 hours with plenty of water. I now recall why I took leave of beer in the first place. I didn't really miss it all that much to be honest. It has made me aware of how many of my relationships and many social gatherings focus on alcohol though. It has changed which people I spend time with lately for sure.
On the meditation front, I've upped my spinal breathing to 10 minutes from 5. I did 9 months of 5 minutes. I feel like it was a good choice, it gives me more time to get into the groove and I am starting to get a better flow and rhythm with it along with sambhavi and mula. Had some wonderful sits both times today. I felt like I had "found" the way to focus, and it was more "right here all along" than I had imagined before. Will see how things go though. Regardless, today's sits were quite good.
I was doing some reading over at
http://www.swamij.com this weekend. I'd bookmarked his site to read later but had never gotten around to it. He has some nice articles on there and I feel they are a nice companion to the AYP lessons and books. Swami J has a very "scientific" approach to his writing, but in a good way. Very clear and aiming for being descriptive. Some of his stuff helped me grasp some concepts I was a bit cloudy on from other reading. IN particular I was curious about the distinctions between concentration, meditation and samadhi, which I feel I understand now (on an abstract, intellectual level at present).
Daniel Ingram's "Mastering The Core Teachings of the BUddha" led me to the differences between concentration and insight, and I liked his stages/levels approach. It just helps me get a mental "flow chart" of things. Swami J seems to like to present the information this way as well, which is most likely why it resonated with me.
I am looking forward to my sits this week, with the longer spinal breathing, the comfortable siddhasana pose established, and best of all the depression gone.