quote:
feel incredibly laid-back - possibly too laid-back?
Hey Amoux - I definitely know what you mean about feeling 'too laid-back'. There is the sense that I could go bankrupt, get fired, having everything taken away from me, and it wouldn't affect the joy I'm experiencing. Since it's a joy that is not rooted in externals, it comes from within.
As a result of this, there's greater freedom from attachment and aversion to the events of daily life, hence a lot less of what I call 'ego interference'. E.g. the mind poking it's nose in, trying to control things, unnecessarily 'doing' things and trying to affect the outcomes of life. You just feel happy to go with the flow. In my case, I feel this is allowing God's will.
I got uncomfortable for a while with feeling too laid back (I got kind of lazy and withdrawn) so I took a bit of a break from meditation (cutting down to very short periods of meditation, only a few times a week, and never twice daily). During this time, there was a resurgence of motivation, and I've come to a happier balance. I still feel so laid back and peaceful, but now I'm working harder, albeit in a much more inspired and intuitive way.
I took very important guidance during this time, which I'd reccomend to you, from Ram Dass - 'Living the Bhagavad Ghita', and from Paramahansa Yogananda's commentary on the Bhagavad Gita.
During my time of feeling so laid back, I felt the desire to live as a renunciant (for ex. in a monastery) or just to completely let go of my wordly duties and responsibilities and live as a homeless person. I figured I could probably go somewhere where the weather was warm all year round, where I could eat at soup kitchens, and sleep outside. Sounds far out, but I thought about it pretty seriously. The third alternative, I wanted to do a charity job, where I could just dedicate myself to helping others.
The expositions on the Bhagavad Gita really helped me. I'll talk less about my personal learnings, as they may not be relevant to you, but if you find that you are feeling a bit uncomfortable about how 'laid back' you feel (you say you feel perhaps too laid back) those two expositions on the bhagavad gita (particularly Ram Dass's one) give advice on how to act, when you are gradually losing your attachments and aversions.
In the ego mentality, how to act is generally pretty clear. You act out of self interest, with whatever degree of intelligence you are capable of. The self-interest I'm talking about has to do with seeking and preserving your attachments and fulfilling your desires, and avoiding your aversions. It's pretty emotionally motivated: you do what feels good, and you avoid what feels bad. The intelligent predictive mind, combined with self-control gives us the ability to do things which feel bad in expectation of future positive gains, so it gets a bit more complex than that. Like perhaps you go to work (which for the example, feels bad, you don't enjoy it), to get your paycheck (which feels good). Or maybe you go to work (which feels bad, aversion), because you think otherwise you'll lose your job (which would feel even worse, aversion..!!). I found myself in a situation when everything was feeling pretty good, and all those emotional motivators were dissapearing. I felt VERY laid back. Like I was walking around on a ton Xanax or Valium.
The purification and inner ecstasy seem to result in a falling away of attachments and aversions. Your whole motivation for acting at all completely changes. You get thrown about by your emotions a whole lot less. Self-interest decreases. You are content with the present moment, instead of hoping for a better future or worrying about a future which gets worse.
Anyway, I digress. In summary, if that chimes with what you are experiencing, and you start to feel confused about how to act, when you're no longer being driven by fluctuating emotions, and maybe a little uncomfortable about your new ability to be completely laid back and just let things happen, the Bhagavad Gita is a great source of guidance about how to function when the old paradigm of self-interest and being governed by the mind (instead of the heart/intuition) starts to breakdown.
