Hello Friends,
I have opened this thread because I am in a unique position and could really use some feedback/advice. For those of you who have yet to come across a thread with my postings in it, I am a methadone addict, and have been on the Methadone Maintainence program for over 3 years now. I have been on a perscription for 90mg of methadone which I take once a day everyday. [for those of you who don't know, methadone is an opiate, and used as a substitute for heroin. I used to be a methamphetamine and heroin addict for many years and in order to try to get off of the heroin I got onto the methadone program which keeps my body from going into heroin withdrawls but keeps me addicted to the legal substitution "methadone" instead but doesn't get me high like heroin. Methadone is about 100X harder to get off of then heroin because the metabolic halflife of methadone is over 36hours whereas heroin's half-life is only about 6 hours. So when trying to get off of methadone it is always excruciating and is really just prolonging the pain I would have experienced had I just gotten of of heroin instead of getting on the methadone program. It is not uncommon to take several years to downdose from as little as 60mgs (being in excruciating pain the whole time) and still have several months of PAWS (post acute withdrawl sypmtoms) afterwards which are still completely diabilitating.] I started doing AYP at the beginning of July this year after finding the site after googling "Kriya Ibogaine" as I had started the SRF's Kriya yoga lessons about 6 months earlier and was looking into doing an Ibogaine treatment to get off of methadone. That day I read a Swami, who was connected to Kriya still, say to another forumite to forget Kriya Yoga and to stick with AYP. That sold me on AYP (I know that is wrong, no lectures needed) and I crossed the Kriya bridge to AYP and have not looked back yet. But anyways...Soon after starting AYP I started having symptoms I began to notice seemed an awful lot like my methadone dose was too strong.(never had that problem before, haha) So already having a desire to be off the program I started experimenting with my dose. At first I just started stretching out the time between when I would take my doses. I used to take it every 24 hours(daily) but soon I got to a point where I could take my dose every 36-48 hours. After about a week of that I decided to take a chance and drop my dose down to 60mgs every 36 hours. I waited until I was starting to get "junk sick" and then told myself I would be thankful for ANY methadone and gave myself just 60mgs instead of the 90 I was perscribed. I stayed at 60 mgs for a week. I had NO withdrawl symptoms at all. NOTHING. I should have been REALLY sick. This led me to start questioning whether there was something else going on and I started to realize that the only thing different from this time(I have tried to downdose unsuccessfully many times in the past 3 years) to the last was the addition of AYP twice daily.(with 5 mins SBP as well I should mention) This seemed to easy of an answer and too good to be true so I decided to really test out the power of meditation. As some of you may understand it is easier to drop from 90mgs to 60mgs then it is to drop from 60mgs to 30mgs. And it gets harder the lower you go eventually taking about as long to go from 10 to 0 as it does to go from say 90 to 30. But anyways I decided to put it to the test. Since it can take up to about a week for me to feel the full effects of a major cut to my dosage I decided I would drop another 30 mgs off.(took me a total of 10 days) I have been at 30mgs now for about a week. And still, NO withdrawls. I have a goal to be completely off of methadone by the end of September. For those of you counting that will be me getting off of a 3 year 90mg daily dose of methadone in just 2 months total. Absolutely unheard of in the medical community execpt with the aid of something chemical like Ibogaine and the medical community still won't accept THAT! Anyways, how unheard of this is is illustrated by my doctors reaction to me asking him to change my perscription from 90mgs to 30mgs. He flipped out on me, wanted to call the cops because he was SURE I was selling my doses and supplimenting with heroin (or something). I assured him I wasn't, and yesterday I even brought 10 days worth of doses BACK to my pharmacy to appease the doctor that I was indeed NOT selling my extra. (what an awesome feeling THAT was!)
ANYWAYS.....I just wanted to give those of you who don't know me yet some background into my situation so that potentially you can offer some advice to me. Here is what I am hoping to do.
Once I am off of methadone completely and know for sure that meditation will take me right to the end without any severe repercussions physically, and then I hope to start offering a weekly AYP meditation group aimed at people from my clinic who are methadone and/or crack addicts who have a real desire to be clean. I believe it would be absolutely unjustifiable for me to take this as it is and NOT offer something back to drug addict community. So I hope to start a once weekly meditation group to show at least SOMEONE else the benefits of AYP on drug addiction.
I sent Yogani an email yesterday with a few questions and I think he was hoping it and his answer would make it onto the forum so others could comment and leave suggestions as well. So I will post both my email and his response below. I would love any comments or suggestions as this is truely uncharted territory as far as I know. Thank you all.
Namaste,
CarsonZi
Hi Yogani,
I feel a little sheepish sending you a direct email especially being so new to the site/forum, but I have a direct question for you in regards to setting up the meditation group for other addicts at my methadone clinic, and I feel like I have started enough threads already this week and should slow down a little. All the same I am really excited to get started and have a few important questions before I start. (ps. I have read through the thread between you andmeg and others on starting and maintaining your AYP group) Question 1: Is there a most effective format that the leaders of the AYP groups have decided on? Format meaning, how do I properly "chronologize" the meeting? Should I start by reading from the easy lessons book? Or should I just paraphrase in effort to keep things shorter and more practice oriented? I can figure out how to run it once I get going, but the initial beginning of it all I am unsure of.
Question 2: Any recommendations on location ideas? Keep in mind I don't really want to invite street people and drug addicts to my house to meditate especially since I have an excess of methadone (and other drugs) at home due to me cutting back my dosage and discontinuing my recreation drug habits (for the most part).
Question 3: I am not a doctor, but I will be on the verge of having to give medical advice based on my own experiences. How sure can I be that if I show these people the lessons as you have written them that they too will experience the same progress I have experienced? Should I even do this or is it too risky? Could I be legally implicated if someone hurt themselves? All I want to do is show others how I have begun to free myself with the power of meditation and SBP and help them free themselves as well. Believe me I understand that I cannot instill desire in anyone, but I am only going to be looking for people with a sincere desire to be clean off methadone (and maybe crack cocaine as there is a REAL problem with that in my city and most of us opiate addicts are crackheads as well)I really want to give something back to my community in the way of helping others like myself but I fear there may be too many obstacles in the way to be realistic about being successful at all. And the last thing I would want is for it to have a detrimental effect on my own self realization. Again I am sorry for sending you a direct message but I feel like I am creating a terrible amount of overlap in topics by creating new threads all the time and feel bad for overtaking others' topics, but I still need advice. I hope you can understand. I won't make a habit of this I promise. Thank you for your time and thought, it is most appreciated.
Namaste,CarsonZi
Hi CarsonZi:
It is a little difficult for me to offer much in email these days due to all that is going on with AYP. The forums are so much better for that, and you should feel free to post there as much as you like.
Having said that, let me try and answer your questions:
1. There is no set pattern. Everyone runs their meditation group a little differently. Generally it is best to meditate near the beginning and chat later with snack optional, unless someone is just getting started -- then take the time to give enough info so they can meditate with the group. For most people, beginning with the little Deep Meditation book will be best, and then the Spinal Breathing book. The big AYP book can be a little intimidating for beginners, though not for folks with a real hunger for yoga. Reading out of the big book is fine to get people started meditating, but for their own reading the little book will usually be best.
2. Most people start in the home, but I can see your case is an exception. How about a local church or other agency or facility that would support your desire? Perhaps a non-medical facility that deals with addicts? A medical facility would be okay too, but it seems less likely from what you said.
3. On liability, there could be some if you advise on anything but the practices. It should be said up front that changes in dosages is between the patient and their doctor. No doubt there could be some horror stories, because some may not be as systematic as you have been in balancing practices and dosage. Some might get carried away and go cold turkey, and then get carried away literally to the hospital. So, yes, there are risks. That is why you have to limit your advice to the practices only, and the rest is up to the practitioner. It would be better if you could do this with a doctor standing by, but maybe it is not time for that. I imagine that addicts are at least as erratic as other people, so it could be difficult to keep this on an even keel. Maybe start with one person who you believe has the best chance for success, and see where it goes from there, unless you find medical and/or social worker sponsorship, which could then open it up without putting the whole thing on you. This kind of project will probably require a partnership of some kind.
Above all, take care of yourself, and go slow in approaching others. If you keep the desire to help, something reasonable will emerge sooner or later. If your case is not an anomaly (I think not), then science will catch up with this eventually, and there will be plenty of support. No need to be a hero and risk your own stability. Btw, it is likely that practices are already being researched in relation to drug addiction (try googling it), but not AYP that I am aware of.
If you bring these questions to the forums, I will be happy to copy my answers over there. The good thing about the forums is that many can participate and benefit. There is no telling who might be helped. So airing these things in public is a service in itself.
Of course, anyone you refer to the AYP website and forums will have the same opportunity you have had, and we know that can work for at least one person. :-)
All the best!
The guru is in you.
Yogani
