reality11
USA
47 Posts
Posted - May 15 2015 : 8:25:21 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Maria, I hope you're well.
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Yogiswara S
USA
6 Posts
Posted - Jan 27 2016 : 8:40:26 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Maria. I read your story with interest and some surprise that no one here has ever responded. Although it has been some years since you posted it, I thought I might reply now in hopes that it may be of assistance in your current circumstances, whatever they may be.
First of all, I can say that my own personal experience of initial Kundalini awakening was significantly similar to yours. I have also known and worked with others who have had similar difficulties. I feel like I am in a unique position to speak to your issues.
Please know that in spite of some extreme travails, which I have often characterized as "almost miraculous that I survived", I have ultimately resolved into a place of Awakening, oneness, peace and transcendence. So no matter what your current circumstances, please know that is very possible to emerge from this in a fine condition.
I'm going to give some short, condensed insights into this phenomenon and then wait to see if you reply before going into more detail. I could easily and literally write a book in response to your post, but no use in doing so if it is not going to reach you.
First, your initial Kundalini awakening experience was valid in its sensation of bliss, love and unity. That was real. The problem with a spontaneous and unsought Kundalini awakening such as yours (and mine) is that your spiritual energy body, mental body, emotional body and physical body were not properly prepared ahead of time to receive and benefit from the powerful energy surging through it. In addition, you had no yogic skills to properly manage the energy and the process of purification that it entails.
The reason why you fell into a state of hellish experience is that the powerful energy dislodged and brought to the surface all of the past life and current life accumulated Karma. It's like having all of the accumulated gunk accrued to the inside of the plumbing in your house suddenly dissolved and floating free in the water supply. You would be immediately gagging on and bathing in foul, stinky, murky water. Since your spiritual plumbing had no preparation and no outlet for the crap in your karmic system, you quickly found yourself immersed in your own junk.
Essentially what happened was that the huge surge of energy bumped you into a Bardo state that for most people is only encountered after death. This is the Bardo in which beings are forced to confront their own Karma in the form of Wrathful deities. Successfully confronting these deities leads to a better rebirth (or no rebirth) and failing leads to not such pleasant circumstances. I have literally been there and I have met the Wrathful manifestations and I have successfully understood their purpose and meaning. It is a great boon to have the opportunity to do so in this lifetime because if you do it now you will not have to do do it after death. The opportunity for Liberation is huge. For more on the Bardos and Wrathful deities and their cause and purpose, do a search and also see the Tibetan Book of the Dead and the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche. Also watch the movie "Jacob's Ladder" starring Tim Robbins.
So, assuming you are still in the same or similar circumstances, you are living in two Bardos (planes of existence) simultaneously. This is naturally unusual and highly challenging, particularly when the other Bardo is full of beings and manifestations that we are acculturated to perceive as "evil". Just know that they are there to teach you lessons...the very hardest lessons that are at the core of the spiritual meaning of your existence in the Bardo of Being. You can transition out of the Bardo of the Wrathful Deities once you have learned the appropriate lessons.
There are incarnate beings (people) who work with the Wrathful Deities to provoke and torment people who live at the fringes of or directly in that Bardo because they perceive their path as one which thrives on the painful, suffering energy of others. These "people" are trapped in that twilight Bardo and have little chance of escape, so they choose to embrace it and attempt to become predators of that realm. You will find that as you successfully master your lessons, you will encounter these people less and less frequently until they eventually disappear altogether from your plane of existence because you have ceased to share existence with that shadow plane.
You cannot make the Wrathful Deities "go away". They are a part of you that MUST be dealt with through insight and understanding. Ultimately that means accepting and transforming the darkest parts of your soul. All that is shadow must be brought into the light of awareness and love.
Of course, HOW to do this is the difficult part. It requires skill (upaya) and Practice (abhyasa). Ultimately, it is a process that you must actively DO yourself, not something that a shaman or witch can do for you with a spell or talisman. The first step is to summon the inner fire of courage (Tapas) and set a determination to seize this opportunity for Liberation (mukti) that has been presented to you by the cosmos.
I could go on and on, but there you have some substantial material for a beginning. Wishing you all the best success in your path!
quote:
Originally posted by mariamaria
Hi..
Do my best to explain a complex situation..
I came across your website, when looking up kundalini/possession..
5 years ago, I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening.. and it was powerful.. was sat at the computer and this, what can only describe as like a water snake motion of water, coming up through my feet, chakras, cleaning them all out.. and then my crown and poured out like water fall and was sat in a big halo of vibrating light..
I didn't know what kundalini was then, nor until long after.. I just know I was sat at the computer, sending love comments/notes to friends, and the energy intensified and suddenly I could feel the love behind the comments being sent to me.. and then the awakening..
For weeks, I was sat in bliss, and on my social networks, went crazy having fun and being silly.. posting child hood games etc.. and reminissing.. felt a state of infinity.. etc..
.. because I was on social networks could see that other people in spiritual circles had been affected at this point to, as a lot of people were talking like they were feeling this infinity feeling, and blissful.. am not sure what happened, but am trying to get to the bottom of it.. as things turned highly unpleasant for me, and right now, as I write, I feel not human anymore, but like an alien as taken over my body.. I don't hear my voice in my head anymore as a human .. like when I type, I usually hear my own voice, now I hear it as high pitched alien computerised sound..
...and feel like have become like some kind of machine..like I am dead, and something is animating me.. and I don't know where I am with anything anymore and feel like am on the outside of reality and the world rather than in it.. and I want to rewind 5 years before having this.. and stay where I was..
.. so onto the nitemare.. not long after the kundalini awakening, a lady added me on myspace, her eyes were full of light, and I don't usually check peoples pages, but she was inticing me to look, so I did.. on her page, she had 2 songs, rain by Madonna and *I remember* (feeling the past moving in, letting a ne day begin).. I found it strange how she had added all my top friends only, but there was this guy that wasn't on my friends, whom had seen once on top friends of another spiritual page..
I felt inclined this time to click on his page, and he also had a song on there called REMEMBER ME..
.. went to his pictures and there was one of him looking like Jesus, with this red towel around him.. similar to the picture I had been using on my Animals Rights in Spiritualism page..(a page dedicated to animals and outreach.. in reference to Vegetarian Christianity,, Busshism etc..
For me, he was doing this because he wanted to get my attention.. other pictures of him was one with a sacred heart, and one coming down from the sky like Jesus.. and because at the time I was getting a lot of synchronicities in reference to Maria Magdalena.. and felt I recognised him, as myself.. Twin Flame perhaps, I got emotional, ran to the local Saint Marys.. and as I did, it started Raining vastly (the song rain was still playing.. ).. and thunder and lightning.. was all what I felt romantic..
On returning home, I delved deeper into his information, and found a video on youtube, that said *come with me* and was in reference to running away together.. I felt it was aimed at me, especially since when I then ordered his book, and then he wrote something about *listening well* on his update.. and then would reference to going places and so forth, using my name.. so as to let me know the updates were for me.. and from then on, I would listen to these updates and allow him to guide me, I felt he was doing so, as my Twin Flame..
.. sometime then in to following these updates, one of them said *whatever door needs to be opened, this moment holds the key to it*.. It was my friends birthday at the time, and as he said that, I felt inclined to go to her page and leave a birthday comment.. it was then, that I noted her page ID was 666, and as I noted it, was as if a bolt had hit me.. and he knew I was to go to that page, or something coded inside me and him that linked those 2 together.. and subsequently more dark synchronicities to follow..
.. The darkest being mauled by a load of flies that came out of nowhere in my back place, engulfed me, and as a vegan, I won't kill anything, but there were so many I had to.. the last one to be killed landed on the Gate-Way laptop a friend Casey had given me from America, to do vegan outreach, and was as if the fly was leading me to a gate-way..
.. I then realised I had previously done a campaign called Gateway to hell.. ref monkeys... and frightened myself with it.. and then , peraps a day or so after, as uploading a video to my charity / animal magazine website for the BORN FREE foundations anniversary, which just so happened to be on page 666 of my magazine pages.. , as the music was playing, *Born free, as free as the wind*, this most evil gust of wind blew through me.. as if it was an evil spirit of the wind.. and it was saying it was being born free THROUGH ME.. like using my body..
.. I had then gone onto this guys page had been following, and he had then uploaded a picture of him looking like the devil with a note under that said NAMASTE! which means *we are now one*.. I wondered , is this 2 coincidences of darkness between us? or has he somehow set this up and how? or do I even need to know how? is it something to do with DNA activation.. what?
.. .. because the experience was so scary, I took myself to the doctors, and when I told them I thought I was involved with the anti Christ or satan, they diagnosed me with psychizophrenia.. and sent me to a Dr Horn.. (also set up?).. whom wanted me sectioning..
.. I managed to escape.. and continued my life, ignoring what had happened as a means to live and carry on.. I kept on doing what had been doing since having my awakening, which was at first promoting this guys book!!! (without him asking, I just felt inclined to promote him because felt he was my Twin and all).. and posting bulletins out saying he was Jesus.. .. and he never once emailed me to stay stop.. just let me make a fool out of myself?
.. I then realised that the whole of reality was always mirroring everything I did , think etc.. and that my gift was weaving webs to show the interconnectedness of all beings, and that were one energy.. however, wasn''t just a few connections, manifested reality seemed to always link back to me.. for instance the front covers of major newspapers, articles were always coming from my current posts or thoughts.. , every time I step downstairs, my mother would turn the tv over, and the programme would always reflect my current posts, so I would take pictures, and link it all together in webs.. peoples conversations, animals.. they all moved around according to my word/thoughts as would people outside, in the street and I began to feel like I was a puppeteer
.. however, am concerned now, is something creating it from my being in such hugeness.. that it could be something using me to deceive.. and cause delusions, and am not sure whats real and whats not anymore, and have turned to local vicars for comfort.. as am just spending everyday in bed just existing, and not wanting to live anymore. I have spent the last 5 years literally creating , creating and creating and writing , writing , writing to show how all beings are interconnect and been totally ignored by everyone including family which has also sent me a bit crazy,
.. also the fact all my chid hood trauma, dark spirits around me at the time.. energy, whatever U want to call it, and my fears , which = I have a problem with a specific part of my body.. no confidence wit, partly due to sexual abuse as a teen, also to do with society etc.. and it's caused me a lot of mental health issues, as would not allow any past boyfriends to touch me in this place.. and so felt quite imprisoned..
This guy, whom spoke of previous.. was writing things on social network etc, so as to make me believe he was supporting me and helping me heal, and I would weave to do so.. and as means to, but as a result, the whole of my friends list, as this kundalini *dance* began.. got to hear about it..
.. Am at the stage now, were I am meeting people with demon tattoos all over them, telling me about dreams their having, some being trying to drag them into fire.. and then I would meet someone straight after and they would be drawing a door with fire behind or something.. everyone would link back to me .. and when I then try to explain to my mother this, what happens, I go downstairs and the tv is turned on, say then to a door with fire behind.. (just an example).. this happens all day everyday with me.. and I can't escape it.. and have mentally had enough.
I do have ghosts from child hood, my father was an alcoholic, an abusive one, and I had chronic nitemares, and out of body experienes as a child.. and these, what I call ticklers around me.. (if I think of them, people around me then start talking tickling each other, so I try not to think)..
This guy in my life, is now trying to make me out to be the little horn of the bible..to get to me.. (as I write that, a vehicle goes past blowing it's horn over and over, and this, also I can't get away from, everything around me copying me.. I , out of 99 people left a message with for help, managed to get one guy to help, a hypnotist, and his spiritual partner, whom in their house, when I told them I couldn't get away from horns, said their car number plate was horn and then the horn blowers started playing out side their house, they did also bless the house, incase I had brought anything in.. but on the way out, tripped over the front step, and said they never blessed that bit..)
... and being in control of me, I have felt like that, and is the reason have sent him hate mail for the last 5 years.. because he would only talk over facebook.. and also once got this girl to write that she was *copying IT* (he calls me IT).. and got her to do some things over the internet to hurt me..
.. many people have led me to believe I am a manifestiation of the dark goddess (kali etc) .. and my creative abilities, would assume that.. however, I can not shut out this dark force that blew through me, the 6's and living a life having such an attachment mentally, to this guy I have never met, whom won't speak to me via email, only social network. etc.. and yet, has a website about our reunion and the fact hes planted some kind of star code in my womb?
?
.. hence, have been looking at seeing a geneticist, as seems to be something to do with origins.. aswell as a potential excorsist, an expert in kundalini, as since my huge awakening, had no help with that, just went for it and started to dance, well this thing did , through me, someone whom can pick up what is situated inside me , going on inside me.. if it's dark energy am using to manifest the world.. if there's aliens taken me over, if I am still human.. what.. and why everything around me is so dark and evil like.. (my brother moved to somewhere called burn, and then bell.. and has just gone on holiday to pathos.. as in path to somewhere not nice.. ).. and my brother and sister go to burn side.
.. I can't even sit down and do a cross word with a friend, I did so yesterday, and I ended up writing words.. that I then see after link back to the devil.. I bought 3 cages the other day, bird type cages you put candles in, and then on the tv comes a show with a girl dressed in bird cages and with one in the background look exactaly the same.. and then something took me to a page reference Lilith and cages .. I can't remember, but something not right is going on.. and I need some professional assistance..
.. any help/advice, greatly appreciated..
to note, I do often have electricity up my spine, etc.. and holy prana breathiness.. however it changes from moment to moment.. and right now I just feel like a machine.. my hands and arms also often look like they are evil , like clawed and unreal.. like am some kind of animated corpse.. it varies.. I do feel, if I look at pictures of skeletons or the devil skulls, that that's a mirror of the energy inside me.. or whats embodied in me, and scared the living light out of me.. is also scarying me because whatever it is, stops me from showing fear.. makes me still feel peace at the same time as feeling terrified, and not able to show anyone around that fear, to get the right help.
