Hello, I have a question of a personal nature, I don't know wether it is suitable so I apologize if this is a waste of time.
My ex recently told me that she did not want to get back into a relationship with me and that she was seeing someone else. I thought I was relatively detached from the situation but on hearing this my heart sank and I have had some mind pain for the recent couple of days, it comes and goes, in fact the day after I was reading into Jnana Yoga and Eckhart Tolle (+watching vids of Adyashanti that really helped) and I had moments of almost bliss, followed by lows.
She left the UK in september to do a year of study in New Zealand. We were still together when she left and very much in Love (or maybe ego mind love, I don't know), she said that this was the best relationship she had ever had, i thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. From New zealand she broke up with me (she does not like the UK and seemed happy in NZ, i think she just wanted to move forward and i was holding her mind back here), with the possibility of maybe getting back together, then she said she did not want this to happen, then told me that she was in a non serious relationship. Throughout these months I have been getting over her, getting happier and then on contact (occasional email from her) going down. She recently returned home, we met last week, I was still hoping that as she was back here that she would want to get back together, she then told me that she didn't and that she was seeing someone. As I said this really hurt.
In a way I am glad for her breaking up with me initially months ago, as if she had not I would not of got so re-involved in my search for God that I seemed to have forgotten though I had been hoping and pinning a lot of my happiness (ignorantly) on getting back together with her. Now I am still in moments of pain, from all I have learnt I know this is temporary and in a way I feel silly talking about what is such a small matter. Even typing these words is sort of making me feel better. It is just ego/mind attachment, but it is still painful. She is a very kind person and I envisioned a spiritual life with her (though she is not actively practicing to get towards God, no AYP or Kriya etc, just sort of interested/open to it, in fact I told myself months ago that I didn't want to commit to anyone who does not want to commit to God and i don't think she currently does, I guess this is some kind of consolation, though the mind often wants what it can't have) .
At times I get images of her being intimate or just with someone else in my head, as well as just pain and feeling of rejection, I think it is getting better but could maybe do with some reassurance or advice.
Do you have any advice on how to transmute these feelings towards God? I am trying to remind myself that the pain I am feeling is a longing for God misdirected towards a person. Additionally through self enquiry reminding myself that this is all a product of the mind/ego.
I meet Sri Gurunath in less than 3 weeks and will be initiated + start his Kriya, said to be very effective, about this I am very excited. Will Kriya practice/AYP/any spiritual practice help to dissolve this pain/attachment?
Since the initial break up (months ago) I have not been seeking another relationship out of Love for and loyalty to my ex but also as I see my life as a chain of relationships and that I am only really over a break up when I get into another relationship. I have not wanted to do this, I want to get over it by myself with spiritual practice, but since this confirmation of the break up and being told she is seriously involved with someone else I have been thinking about other people.
Any other advice on this would be wonderful.
Additionally, my ex came home early, as her dad has terminal lung cancer, the doctors say he only has a few months to live. Do you have any advice for her or him for healing or peace or for me to help? (I feel really selfish for being upset about her rejection when she is going through so much, I want to be there for her, not upset that she is not wholly there for me)
I am yet to advise her on the possibility of healing, perhaps this is why I am still holding on to some of these feelings and not letting them go. I believe in the power of God and healing and that cancer is healable through it but don't want to give false hope as even if someone is good, Gods plan and someone's Karma isn't always changeable. Additionally I don't want to pass on info until I am more certain.
So any advice for either situation, regarding healing, or dissolving what feels like my selfish heart and mind would be much appreciated and again I am sorry if this is an inappropriate question. I just want to rid of these painful thoughts and emotions, in a way I know they will go away but it feels like they're here forever at the moment. I am sorry for the massively long post, thank you and blessings in advance to any one who has got any advice.
God bless
Om Shanti
