Hi atena,
Thank you for your post. I think it's something moving in the cosmos and the collective since a couple of weeks back, cause both me and some of my more sensitive friends are also deep down in these kinds of mind junk at the moment with very similar symptoms! It's one of the worst dips I've been through...
Sparkle, great post, thanks. My problem, though, is that it's too far out to even consider doing any practices of mindfulness or staying "awake" during these periods. Just doesn't happen. The mind would never come up with the motivation to do it!
I do remain the twice daily meditation, though, but it's suffered through with a total lack of interest. When I brush my teeth I at least have the interest of keeping my mouth hygiene in proper order. When I do meditation it's only because I'm indoctrinated with AYP and have a core belief that the meditation eventually will save me, whether I'm earnest or not... That core belief is probably false and I'm doing it in vain, but what the heck... what else is possible?
What happens to me when I'm exhausted to the max, is that I cry helplessly, everything stops and emptiness is felt, my automatic movements starts and it almost always moves my hand to stroke my hair, like a mother does with her child. It's absurd to do it on "myself" like that, but it makes me soften, relax and afterwards there's a little lighter for a while. Until I remember that those automatic movements and openings are what brings even more energy (read masses of sh*t and overload) into my life and that I am recommended to not go into them, so I start resisting the opening and cursing the automatic movements... And I'm trapped again in a limbo land where I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't give in to what is. And the exhaustion seems to be endless... and the depression gets deeper.
As you say, Atena, it's boring. It's super boring. All of it.