Suicide of a Co-Worker

[Bodhi Tree]

One of my co-workers hung himself a couple days ago. His body is still alive but the family has withdrawn the ventilator, so he will probably expire soon.

I did not know him well, but talked to him on the phone regularly in a strictly professional manner (passing messages along). Other co-workers that were closer to him are quite shocked and saddened, of course, like me, but I find this tragedy yet another opportunity for self-inquiry, for contemplation, for prayer, samyama, and envisioning a better future.

Yes, I think I'll say that crystal clear: a better future.

You know, some spiritual teachers anger me because they talk about accepting things "as they are"--about not trying to change anything--and that letting the mind drift into the past or future is getting away from the present. But is it so? I think not. I think the infinite Here & Now contains all of the past, and all of future. The past has already occurred, and the future is waiting to be written. And we have the power to shape the future by learning from the past. Why would we practice samyama if there wasn't some ability to accentuate certain essences, and to dissolve other unfavorable ones?

So, I want to dream of living in a world without suicide. And might as well add some other phenomena that we can go ahead and let fade away: war, disease, violence, abject poverty, and whatever else is restricting the flow of genius, harmony, balance and Paradise.

As far as I can tell, this life demands an active involvement in becoming who we want to be. And it begins from the inside, and manifests on the outside. There are choices to be made, and even if the doer is being undone, and stillness in action is a surrender, there is a nevertheless a dance of duality going on, and a vocation to engage as an individual, until the very last breath, I do believe.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

Thoughts, prayers, contemplations much appreciated.

[kumar ul islam]

peace and love to you

[Dogboy]

quote:Why would we practice samyama if there wasn't some ability to accentuate certain essences, and to dissolve other unfavorable ones?

Samyama is a vehicle to move us into that better future of yours/ours. It has become my portal to the infinate; a venue for my offerings.

[amuhai]

Our prayers, blessings, and well-wishes to you, your co-worker, families, friends, and the world at large.
One just never knows what is going on in another person's mind, and how one could have helped. Let healing radiance pour forth.

[NoDogma]

If an enlightened one finishes life, it is called maha-samadhi.
If a normal one does it, it is called suicide. Both are tired of living in this body.

Being in the presence all the time, is not human. Humans are the only animals (on earth) known to know time, as in seconds, minutes, hours years, and more. While birds migrate in a season, they don't plan for next season... Blah blah
Not thinking about tomorrow, not dreaming of a better tomorrow, is not human. If every human stayed in presence, this evolution would not have taken place.....All you have to do is be aware of the presence while you make plans to make
a better tomorrow. In that, you're also acknowledging that current is not good enough and that it needs to be improved. If that wasn't the case, the evolution would not have happened and you won't be able to think of the future... That will be sad.
So will be saying that current sucks and it is just how it is (and not doing anything to improve it) ....


Although I like that song 'this is how it is, and it is good that this is how it is'

[maheswari]

[Anima]

I'm really sad to hear this!

The reality is that for many people, the action of taking one's own life is seconds away. I don't know what happens when people kill themselves, and I never want to find out, either. On the other hand, I do understand the social and emotional rejection that leads up to a lot of these cases, and have experienced a lot of it firsthand.

Oftentimes, suicide is preceded by prolonged poverty, LGBT struggles, physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, homelessness, substance abuse, and psychiatric callousness. Pharmaceutical drugging is the first and last line of defense against social and personal tragedy in our country, and frankly, that's despicable. At the core, I think people become tired, afraid, and lonely, and just do not have enough support, which is sad. Having had (and continuing to have) suicidal thoughts myself, I am praying for everyone affected by your co-worker's death.

[Dogboy]

...and we shall pray for you too Anima !

[Bodhi Tree]

Thank you all for touching this topic with your words and awareness. There is power here.

@Dogboy
I really like how you describe samyama...a venue for your offerings...that's superb.

@Anima
I think you are hitting the nail on the head. Much of the depression and misery comes from mis-identification and trying to squeeze ourselves into misleading psychological paradigms. And yes,the pharmaceuticals don't provide a long-term solution.

A voice in our mind is not truly us, but merely a reflection of us. If traced to the root, it will dissolve.

[Will Power]

all the best for him and you

[lalow33]

Hi Bodhi,

I had a young family member commit suicide late last year.  A few days after, I came on here, and the first post I read was quoting a non-dual teacher.  Something about stop praying to God.  The last sentence I remember, " Leave everything alone."  I was so angry!  I wanted to write a nasty post back at the poster, but she had been so nice to me that I couldn't do it.

I eventually developed a dark mass between my ribs filled with shame, regret , guilt, anger, and sadness.  I wanted to somehow heal this.  When I actually " Left everything alone", the black mass disappeared without me really doing anything.

I am so thankful for people like you, Bodhi.  I just feel like both perspectives are true.  Not one higher or lower, somehow equal.

[ak33]

lalow33, both perspectives are true. The problem is you can't "be in the present" when you're a psychological wreck. No matter how much you try you're headed towards non-relational self inquiry. To get to a point where you can be "present" you need have a certain equanimity, to see things as they are, which I think comes from working within yourself to eliminate imbalances (like Bodhi said) and through meditation.

I often find non-dual teachings condescending and inaccessible.

[Bodhi Tree]

That's really illuminating, lalow. I'm glad the constriction was unwound for you.

I'm very much a fan of the serenity prayer, or what I like to call the serenity formula, because whether it's prayer, or a state of being acquired through cause and effect, it still works. It is:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference

So, I think you're right--there's things we can and cannot change.

quote:Originally posted by ak33

I often find non-dual teachings condescending and inaccessible.

I relate 100%. I use my frustration as fuel for my bhakti. And reading Walt Whitman helps.

[AYPadmin]

edyych
USA
4 Posts

 Posted - Feb 14 2016 :  6:03:05 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
to avoid such cases, we need to pre-occupy our minds all the time, positively...depression leads to this you know.
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MrCuddly
USA
43 Posts

 Posted - Aug 02 2016 :  11:25:59 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by edyych

to avoid such cases, we need to pre-occupy our minds all the time, positively...depression leads to this you know.
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  07:20:39 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
I had a brother that died in a car wreck when I was 16. So I know exactly how you feel. All of my love goes towards you bodhi for a brighter future.

Just like I would like to think I am over my past. I am sure that I am not. I am sure I have blockages left just for those reasons and that was well over 15 years ago!


I forgot to mention that back then I was flirting with a girl so bad she wanted it. Then one day she send down the rumor mill that she liked me. I decided i was going to go farther with her when I saw her. Little did I know she got killed the same night when I heard she liked me. So yea I was seriously disappointed.

Just thought I would throw that bit in about me.
Edited by - JR8036 on Aug 03 2016 07:47:15 AM
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  08:22:58 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by JR8036

I had a brother that died in a car wreck when I was 16. So I know exactly how you feel. All of my love goes towards you bodhi for a brighter future.

Just like I would like to think I am over my past. I am sure that I am not. I am sure I have blockages left just for those reasons and that was well over 15 years ago!


I forgot to mention that back then I was flirting with a girl so bad she wanted it. Then one day she send down the rumor mill that she liked me. I decided i was going to go farther with her when I saw her. Little did I know she got killed the same night when I heard she liked me. So yea I was seriously disappointed.

Just thought I would throw that bit in about me.




JR,

You are correct-Anything that has not been let go/processed will be brought up to be dissolved in the light of awareness.
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  08:44:40 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
So, the reason it keeps coming up is I need to let go of it. The bad part is I feel responsible for her even though it was almost 20 years ago now.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  09:19:09 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Letting go intellectually will not clear the blockages. Feeling it in awareness and as awareness heals all.

With daily practices, this field is accessed and lived from and lived as. In the meantime be easy on yourself.

Edited by - sunyata on Aug 03 2016 09:27:43 AM
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  11:59:39 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Trying to let go and actually letting go are different things. I hear what sunyata is saying. I just find when I'm clear, my body doesn't really have all those blocks. When I'm not, gosh, I'm blockey mcblockington. I'm so sure about the reality of blocks.
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Charliedog
1528 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  12:39:13 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Quote Bodhi Tree
quote:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference


When starting a daily practice ( or before) we become more aware of blockages built up during life. Felt in the body and/or emotional. This could be confronting, not easy to handle. To have a prayer or affirmation like Bodhi mentioned for those moments is useful.

To 'sit' in awareness with the emotions, to 'embrace' the emotions is the way to let them go, this is not an overnight happening. It becomes possible to transform the feelings of guilt into love for ourselves.  It takes time and daily practice. We become literally lighter.
Edited by - Charliedog on Aug 03 2016 12:50:57 PM
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lalow33
USA
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 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  1:22:03 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Hi Charliedog,

I think Bodhi wrote that as a comfort to me. Some of us(me) can not maintain awareness during these emotions. Yes, it's a long process from one perspective, but when you are really present, I just don't see blockages or any need to change anything. Does this make sense?
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Charliedog
1528 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  2:42:00 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Charliedog's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Hi Lalow,

Yes this makes sense, for me a prayer has helped me in times where I was more in the emotional states and not aware of how it works in me.

If we can be aware in the present moment all is at it is, pure and clear, still I love to use a prayer after my practice and maybe it can be useful to someone else too.
Edited by - Charliedog on Aug 03 2016 2:42:43 PM
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  2:57:40 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33

Trying to let go and actually letting go are different things. I hear what sunyata is saying. I just find when I'm clear, my body doesn't really have all those blocks. When I'm not, gosh, I'm blockey mcblockington. I'm so sure about the reality of blocks.


I can relate Lalow. Few years back when I was going through the highs and lows. I would notice this pattern. Some days/weeks I was soaring high light as a feather and then other days dense and heavy.
During the dense and heavy days, I would chant mantras to get through.

With continued practice, the need to chant mantras have diminished. As the presence has increased, the space to just be with whatever is coming up has become available.

I'm not perfect but there is progress.

Edited by - sunyata on Aug 03 2016 8:53:49 PM
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  4:24:30 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Sunyata,

That is pretty much what I am going through right now. Some days are really great and others are really horrible like today.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  8:54:52 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
JR,

It will get better. Just follow all the advice that you have received in the forums.

Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts

 Posted - Aug 03 2016 :  10:47:59 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33

When I'm not, gosh, I'm blockey mcblockington.

 This makes my night. Deep, humorous resonance and laughter here in the north Georgia mountains (I'm up here staying with my grandparents for a short vacation). Thank you, Lalow.

When I push too hard on the accelerator, I'm Fuzzy McFuzzington.


@JR

Keep on truckin', bro. Persistence and consistency pay off. Just like Sunyata and Charliedog said.

I'll quote the rough but lovable poet Charles Bukowski:

"I?m not in a contest with anybody, have no thoughts about immortality, don?t give a damn about it. It?s the ACTION while you?re alive. The gate springing open in the sunlight, the horses plunging through the light, all the jocks, brave little devils in their bright silks, going for it, doing it. The glory is in the motion and the dare. Death be damned. It?s today and today and today. Yes." ?Charles Bukowski

(Now apply that quote to stillness in action. )

Versatility. Resilience. Endurance.
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts

 Posted - Aug 04 2016 :  07:53:09 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Bodhi,

I try, I really do. The song that really resonates with me is topguns through the fire and when things get hotter I really want to quit. But, knowing I can't drives me nuts. Just like yesterday work went past were I normally meditate and I was starting not to feel good so I stopped and meditated. Felt better almost instantly after I got done meditating.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts

 Posted - Aug 04 2016 :  11:07:52 AM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Nice, JR! You're on track!
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JR8036
USA
281 Posts

 Posted - Aug 04 2016 :  5:57:28 PM  Show Profile  Email Poster  Edit Reply  Reply with Quote  View user's IP address  Get a Link to this Reply  Delete Reply
Why do you guys keep saying I am on track? This is not the first time I heard that.