End of the Line

[TheSeeker12]

Hi guys, I have been practising AYP for 1 year but have not been active on the forums. I come in desperation, hoping someone will help me. Lets start with the beginning. All my life I've been the guy whos at the butt of every joke, gets made fun of, dominated, gets targeted etc. This wasn't at first very prominent, but in middle school I was bullied and developed chronic anxiety and depression. High school was the same, I put a protective wall in front of me to shield myself from emotional hurt, therefore making me unable to properly connect with anyone. Fast forward many years to now, I'm 23, I'm doing AYP and meditation, and chronic anxiety has become very mild, but the deep-rooted emotional issues constantly remain. No matter what environment I go into, family, friends, strangers, work I get that same disgusting feeling of being targeted by a group, feeling completely vulnerable. I have trouble attracting women, I always feel there's a sexual blockage somewhere and can't express my masculinity at all. Very few friends. My past two relationships have failed because of my insecurity and not wanting to get hurt emotionally. This emotional issue is one that seeps into all parts of my life and I see it as one big one. Now I ask you, what should I do. Should I let yoga play its course? Because I can't stand this anymore. Or should I seek therapy? Mind you, in my culture therapy there is a preconceived notion that therapy is for someone the mentally-ill.

[Dogboy]

Hi Seeker,

There's an active thread dealing with advice on counseling and/or meditation that might provide some insight. Here it is:   http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/index.php?topic=14466#122797

My advice is yes, let meditation play out. Be prepared for emotions surrounding all the emotional garbage you've been subjected to to bubble up from the depths. Do not shy away from these messengers: surrender fully to the uncomfortable sensations. You owe it to yourself to face it, to hold it in your heart and examine it, to ask of it why it is trying to mold you, to see eventually you are not any of those spooks. Open yourself, and then show the boogeyman the door.

The above thread speaks about seeking counseling that may help you deciding on that option. You already have the insight to see the hold these emotions have on you. Bravo! Keep on trucking and Godspeed!

[BlueRaincoat]

I agree with Dogboy. And that link is well worth looking at.
You will go deeper with meditation than psychotherapy. The later will only deal with issues you are able to verbalize. Meditation goes far beyond.
You have already made good progress and that's just year one. Imagine where you will be after another year, two years etc. I wish you steady progress and hope to hear from you again in the forum.

[karl]

Guess what ? You can do both.

In fact that's exactly what AYP recommends, a good dose of grounding. You have to balance things. While exploring spiritual improvement its important not to neglect material growth. Its like a plant, it needs the sun, the rain and the earth its anchored upon.

If you fail to plunge the roots deeply and rely only on the sun/rain then the plant cannot grow.

Do you need a therapist ? Only you can answer that. I think you probably need a coach. Someone who can steer you out of your comfort zone towards a sport/hobby etc that will help you discover your latent talents and meet new people. Its not necessary to pay a professional, I'm guessing you already have people telling you to get out there and grasp life ? You just don't want to listen to them. Admit you are scared and ask them to help you.