I have a step-sister Jennifer that was killed a couple days ago. Some man murdered her (and one of her friends) and then burned the apartment in an attempt to cover his tracks. He has turned himself into the police.
When my dad first told me, I got angry. But, it was strange, it was like an ecstatic anger. As my dad was speaking his words through the phone, I felt energy leaving my body and going to him, as he was crying. My ego-mind was making mental assumptions about the circumstances of the death which turned out to be not true, but the whole time, I remained inwardly calm...very steady and poised in my normal emptiness/lightness of being. The anger and disbelief was just a surface-level emotion that was not nearly as deep as the inner knowingness and acceptance that life is unpredictable, that nothing on the temporal plane is guaranteed, and that even so, all is well, and all is better than well, actually.
Last night I saw much of my extended family that I hadn't seen in quite some time, and there was a wonderful reality of UNITY that was undeniably present and palpable. It was a mixture of shock, disbelief, laughter, crying, joy, confusion, tension and relief. It's a full-spectrum deal.
I shared this news at an AA meeting, and there was an outpouring of support from people who had experienced very similar events: tragic losses that occur unexpectedly. No one came up to me and said "Oh, poor Bodhi..." as a way to coddle any self-pity on my part. Because there was, and is, no self-pity on my part. Instead, people said matter-of-factly, "Sorry for your loss," with compassionate words and hugs and holding-hands prayers. But above all, they shared their "experience, strength and hope" about enduring these events and continuing to remain in the constant awareness that we're on God's time, not our's. I guess in AYP terms, that's the abiding witness--the inner silence that remains unshaken by the curve balls of life. And that condition flows through the nervous system--I can attest to that.
Anyway, for me, it's just another reminder to value and take full advantage of my time on earth. I won't waste it on escapism or trying to deny the fullness of life--that includes through spiritual bypassing or waiting for a better life after death. It's all HERE and NOW, even as the temporal hologram of earth reality is projected on an infinite ocean of awareness. I don't believe anyone ever runs out of time; we just keep coming back until we fulfill our utmost potential so we can experience the richness of our individual stories--always collectively tied to the whole.
My main concern is for Jennifer's twin sister, Jessica, who is probably feeling the most pain. Being a twin myself, I know how deep and intimate the bond is. If it had been my twin brother that had got killed, I would be emotionally crushed on a level that touches to the core of my psyche. Inner silence may be untouchable, but the tendrils and heart-strings within relationships always feel the sensory data, as we adapt to changes in the karmic matrix.
Also, Jessica has been struggling with drug/alcohol addiction, and she may use that option as a coping mechanism, so I'm reaching out to her (in a non-invasive, non-preacher way) to show her that there is a better solution in the way of sobriety, spiritual practices, and non-attachment. Any samyama-vibrations that can be sent her way will be greatly appreciated.
It gets real.
![[/\]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/namaste.gif "Namaste (guru in you)")
Love. Unity. Strength.
