Attachment

[ak33]

Hey guys,
I had a break up recently and am having some serious emotional pain. We were dating since before I began anything to do with yoga. I was very attached, you can even say emotionally dependent, on this  person and the loss is seeping into my practices and life all around. Can someone please help me out

[kami]

Hi ak33,

(((HUGS)))

Of course you're attached! And there's nothing the matter with that. Yoga and enlightenment is not about becoming robots. There is surely a problem with us if we don't grieve a loss like this.

Take some time to mourn, be gentle with yourself. Do the things you like doing, continue your daily routines. Every time the grief comes up, stay with it fully, don't try to push it away or mask it with reasoning ("oh it was for the best anyway..", etc). Yes of course it is for the best or it wouldn't happen, but that realization needs to happen at the heart, not the head, and in its own time. Continue with your practices to the best of your ability, taking time out to cry or stop if need be.

Above all, know that this too shall pass.

Much love to you.

[BillinL.A.]

Feel proud Ak33 that you hurt for having lost your love.  You're on the cutting edge of creation as a lover.

99% of the time we learn to find a better match the next time.

From Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

[mikkiji]

Yes, it was Tennyson who wrote, "Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all."  Yeah, and it's the LOST part that will, inevitably, hurt us, no matter what, eventually that'll bite you in the butt...  I'd never change that, because that's where our strength comes from--from suffering, and then recovering.  I loved my wife for 35 years, and when she died 6 years ago, I suffered like I'd never imagined one could suffer.  But I lived, and loved, and lost, and then realized I could live yet again.  Your loss, while real and painful, is but training wheels for the larger losses which will visit you later in life, trust me.  Life has a way of rearing it's hopeful head and insisting on renewal, joy and contentment, just so long as we keep on the path of Light...
Michael

[BillinL.A.]

Mikkiji

[AumNaturel]

Ak33, yes it is painful, and while there is the feeling of loss, it too comes with gain of inner depth and abundance of feeling, appreciation, and empathy, though it really does not seem like it right away. See if it helps to be present with everything that comes up, without adding or removing from it. Give it time and inner space, and see if you can continue your usual daily routines to any degree so that whatever goes on inwardly can do so without becoming any more overwhelming.

Mikkiji, appreciate the words of wisdom and experience that you share.

[HappinessForYou]

It takes time to move on when you are emotionally attached to someone to whom you have strong feelings for them.