So has anyone else noticed that this "Abstaining from Masturbation" thread is right next to "Urge to Release," where we can all read this wonderful post from Mikijji:
"The marital bed is a place of mutual giving and receiving, which ultimately results in joyousness. Forget about the cultivation or circulation or retention of your sexual energies. Give to your wife whatever it is she desires from you. When I first began my tantric practices about 9 years ago, my late wife, who had been at that point meditating for over 30 years, was not pleased with my withholding from her. It seemed that it was her joyful need to take my seed from me, and when I did not let her finish me, she took it as a slight. She needed me to want her and wanted me to need her, and the completion of us both was her proof positive that all was well with our emotional relationship and our physical abilities to continue to enjoy one another in bed. Since that time, she passed away, and I was with several partners until I remarried 4 years ago. I have managed to reach almost total and complete control of my sexual release, yet seldom do I withhold from ejaculating. I can last for however long she desires, and even after an ejaculatory climax can remain erect with no refractory period whatsoever--and I am nearly 61 years old. This is how I have utilized my many years of tantric practices. By this stage--43 years of regular meditation and 9 years tantric practice--when and if I do ejaculate has no bearing on my emotions or energy any longer. It's all bliss from beginning to end. No, actually it's all bliss from BEFORE the beginning to well after the end. I am her tool, her toy, her life energy when we make love. She is my calm, soft, sweet center. Whatever it is we do, however often we do it and for however long we make it last, is no longer is an issue. If you have an emotional or spiritual, rather than physical itch to release, this is a strong sign from your intuition. Go with it, worry less, and enjoy sex more. After all, that's where we can laugh the loudest, cry the hardest, scream the longest and breathe the deepest, and what could be better for Life?"
I quote Mikijji in full here because I think his point applies here as well: ejaculation is not necessarily the problem. Though I do think porn can be more problematic (based on my own experience), the idea of a 26-year-old abstaining from ejaculation for even 2 weeks strikes me as draconian, and potentially even unhealthy. Recent studies have shown that guys who keep ejaculating regularly are less prone to prostate cancer. We men are designed, biologically, to ejaculate regularly! While abstinence may be beneficial to some, highly skilled spiritual practitioners, I have to say, for the rest of us: enough with the guilt and shaming on our natural bodily processes already! (I'm 45; I've practiced semen retention with powerful, at times overwhelming results in terms of kundalini rising; even so I've never gone longer than about 20 days. At those times, I've released semen to relieve the pressure/intensity of the kundalini energy. I'm no master; that's just my process thus far.)
Jack, if abstaining from ejaculation is helping you work through the SD, relationship issues, and whatever else is going on for you, then more power to you! I'm glad to read that it's not the only thing you're doing; meditation, etc. will be absolutely key as well. I would just encourage you to do some fine discernment of what the issues really are. For example, in one place you say masturbation "usually leads to pornography," then later you say you've only looked at porn 6-7 times in the last 3 years. If both statements are true, then you've only masturbated a little more than 6-7 times in the last three years... so you'd already be well advanced in abstaining for long periods of time! But you're not. So... what gives? It would seem that either you're using porn more often, so that's the bigger issue, or you have serious guilt issues around masturbation. So is your SD because you masturbate too much, or because you're all mentally distraught because you think you masturbate too much?
Forgive me for running on and maybe probing harder than is warranted. I'll try to summarize quickly: 1) Go easy on yourself. It may be that learning to love and accept your sexual energy, and to let it manifest naturally (ideally with a partner) is the key to your success. 2) Keep doing the spiritual work, and 3) as others have suggested, look into those other possible issues: depression, etc. (2 and 3 could be one and the same, depending on how you do the spiritual work!)
I wish you well, my friend! You are not alone!
