Can no longer meditate or do any practices

[Anthem]

I hesitated a long while before writing this post as I didn't want to potentially deter anyone from practicing regular meditation or other ways of healing themselves like with inquiry, yoga postures, tantra, etc. I also didn't want to potentially encourage anyone to stop regular practices prematurely either. In the end, truth prevailed over fear and I share my story here in case others find themselves in a similar place at some point in time.

I started meditating regularly about 12 years ago, first with guided meditations, once a week, then twice and eventually almost every day. After an energy awakening, I found AYP and practiced regularly twice a day, rarely missing a session for the last 6 years.

My routine quickly contained almost every AYP technique on offer, as well as "asanas", tantra and a large amount of reading and inquiry. The daily routine was approximately 2+ hours of sitting practices, some asanas and a fair amount of inquiry. This routine worked very well for the first two years creating huge changes in the quality of life experienced here.

Over the last 3-4 years, the routine shrank dramatically, practices were discarded and time reduced as self-pacing became a primary requirement as symptoms of "over-load" would creep in from time to time. Eventually it whittled its way down to the only viable amount with which stability could be found and that was with 6 minutes of DM twice per day, not to mention on-going inquiry. This did well for approximately 1 to 1.5 years.

To my disappointment at the time, eventually that became too much as well and being stubbornly reluctant to give-up meditation, breath meditation was tried for a while and it did work. Eventually though, that proved too much as well, so then (of course) Mindfulness Meditation was tried, predictably before long the writing on the wall was undeniable. Just to be sure though, I took many breaks away from practice, only to find overload looming within a few minutes of practice each time I came back to it.

So not that it was much of a decision but in the end, the only viable way to go forward was for all practices to stop. It became discernable after a couple months away that a huge momentum had accumulated over the last many years, this mind had become intensely "programmed" to "fix" itself. A multitude of techniques from multiple forms of inquiry, to acceptance, to active witnessing, to mindfulness etc. were all going on pretty much all the time. Meditating was happening through much of the day automatically.

Eventually it became obvious that this mind was chasing itself in circles by trying to "fix" anything that came along which wasn't blissful or a positive feeling. It has been a letting go of all this sustained effort which happened fairly quickly once it was seen (for the most part). Understanding it is no longer necessary to "fix" anything. In fact, there was never anything to fix in the first place, just simply stay here and now and don't "travel" off into any thought patterns about any of the experiences which arise. It took a lot of practices to realize that for some reason.

The mind is a possibility machine, it is just doing its job which each thought it produces. No thought is true and as long as there is no belief in the many theories of the mind, all is good.

So the current practice of "do nothing" allows life to flow in a beautifully intimate way bruises, pain and all. An immediate reminder is given in the form of a sharp and painful "slap" any time a practice is tried so it is obvious that the practice is to "do" nothing for now.  

This doesn't mean it won't be possible in the future to meditate or do other spiritual practices again if needed, but the current "practice" of do nothing, is what is currently required. There are still many daily realizations and enhancements in the quality of life continuing to manifest. The expansion of awareness continues at an enjoyable rate so there is not much more to say.

[Delara]

Hello Anthem;
thank you for sharing.
Wish you happiness with or without practices.
Love;
Delara

[Etherfish]

Intense Grounding- I've been reading on the net that we were meant to actually touch the ground with our skin, and we are always insulating ourselves from it; shoes, buildings, sidewalks etc. They say that some kind of electrical charge balances us out when we walk barefoot or do gardening with our bare hands.

[Anthem]

Thanks Delara

Hi Etherfish,

Yes I agree, the power of nature is amazing. Just yesterday, I sat by the trees and was pulled into a gentle absorption, almost like meditation with the eyes open. The silence was palpable. When it happens spontaneously this way, it is very grounding.

Making a point to spend time in nature has always been a part of my life due to, as you say, the powerful ground effect. I am fortunate enough now to have a beautiful garden that we inherited when we moved into our current house last year. So barefoot gardening is a regular practice that I have come to love.

[jeff]

Anthem,

Sounds like you have significant intent are generating lots of energy.  Can you feel the energy flowing or building up?

You probably already know this, but it is very common to keep our attention in one place (like the head) when we are doing practices or meditating. Often it is unconscious. The energy follows the attention and can build up (creating overload issues).

Besides normal grounding activities, I have a few suggestions to try...

1) Try "just listening" to relaxing music. Don't think and just let it "wash" over you.
2) Try a meditation session sitting in your garden area, but spend the first few minutes with your attention/awareness 2 feet below you in the ground.
3)  Try to just "radiate" the excess energy from your heart.  

Peace & Love.

[whippoorwill]

Good luck to you, Anthem!

Mud is very nice to feel
All squishy-squash between the toes!
I'd rather wade in wiggly mud
Than smell a yellow rose.

Nobody else but the rosebush knows
How nice mud feels
Between the toes.

--Polly Chase Boyden

[nearoanoke]

Thanks for sharing this. It is very helpful when advanced practitioners like you share their major milestones.

[bewell]

Hi Anthum,

I read your message yesterday and came back today to read it again.  So be it. I find myself strangely teary, and with much feeling of love and respect for you.  Thank you for sharing.

Be

[WoodDragon]

Living life the way it is can be the most meditative practice of all. Perhaps you have reached a point where the setting aside "time" to practice is interfering with a deeper practice, that of living in stillness and living your life as it is. All the best with your life and may your life be filled with bliss!

[Anthem]

Hi Jeff,

Thank you for your suggestions. I feel the energy flowing up these days as long as I don't do any formal practices. I try to avoid thinking about it too much.

Lizmoran, thanks for that![]

Hi Near,

"Advanced Practitioner" made me pause. That is a concept I would personally toss aside as it can serve to create separation between people. From my perspective the yoga world and other spiritual worlds often get caught up in designations like these and this can create subtle hierarchies. Before you know it, you're something and i would never trade "no-thing" for any one thing! lol.

We are all truly equals and I can't think of one instance where one person wouldn't benefit equally from another in any interaction, apparent or not.

Thank you Bewell for the kind words![]

Hi WoodDragon,

Yes, i think that sounds about right, many thanks![]

[bewell]

Dear Anthem,

I am very curious: What specifically were your overload symptoms when you did practices?

Thanks

[Anthem]

Hi Bewell,

It was primarily irritation that would arise in the past, but could be any type of energy overload. Overall more recently often it had been a general "malaise" after practice. In other words, there was a sense of well-being, practice would occur and then afterwards there would be instability,  significant over-sensitivity  and/ or energy excess. Just a couple minutes is enough to trigger this at the moment.

Without any practice I feel like I did in the past after practices. Throughout the day there is a sense of happy well-being, inner-calm/ physical relaxation, gentle ecstatic sensations, a loving heart etc.. There is also still plenty of inner change and improvement in the condition of the body/mind taking place as perspective changes, with lots of "noticing".

This might seem contradictory, but I am also grateful that there is also a more intimate connection with emotional reactions. Not sure how to describe this well, but they are raw and there and I deeply appreciate the message each has to bring.

[Ananda]

Might be heading your way also... Last bullet is 6 or 7 minutes of breath meditation for now, might have to cut down on this practice also...

Love,
Ananda

[bewell]

Hi Anthem,

You used the word malaise:  "a feeling of general discomfort or uneasiness, of being "out of sorts"...  a "general feeling of being unwell".

Is that the word you are looking for? The word irritable reminds me of a word Carson used when overload happens:  "Pissy." The usual advice is of course "rest" after practices.  

Regardless, the perceptions you are describing that are taking place without practices seems quite "in tune" with others, and attractive.

Respectfully, and with love,

Be

[Kahlia]

Wet sand in between the toes after a long bare feet walk along the beach.