SuperTrouper
USA
46 Posts
Posted - Sep 24 2015 : 03:21:31 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I agree with everyone else that it is more than likely just a phase, and that you should continue. And if your newfound sexual interest in men doesn't bother you, than it's not a big deal (I personally have never been bothered by my own same-sex urges).
There're certain phases of meditation, particularly when dealing with very strong practices like SBP and insight meditation, where the energy creates stages or phases of experience in daily life, outside of the meditation cushion. A person can jump around the different stages, or progress in a fairly linear fashion if they're consistent in practice. I've spent a lot of time learning about these stages, referred to as "mind maps" by Buddhists who've mapped them out over centuries of practice. I've found they've been very helpful in helping me figure out problems related to where I am in meditation. Because kundalini awakenings and their related symptoms tend to follow very closely the stages of insight, and are very likely one and the same (imho), I've added the 16 stages of Insight meditation below, with notes on stages which I have experience. The map may prove helpful to you. The stages of meditation in concentration practices (referred to here as "Deep Meditation") are completely different than the stages of Insight practice, as the experiences and effects are also completely different, though they lead to the same end. If you want more information on the Insight maps, this is a good resource:
http://www.dharmaoverground.org/dha...f+Insight/en . I would recommend at least reading the detailed description of 'The Arising and Passing Away', and 'Dissolution', as your description of symptoms are very similar to those two stages.
1. Mind and Body
2. Cause and Effect
3. The Three Characteristics - Neck and shoulder tension tend to be a significant problem in this stage, and the only way out of it is by progressing or falling back. Random muscle spasms also occur to the point that limbs or the head may jerk sharply and suddenly.
4. The Arising and Passing Away - Is extremely blissful and happy. Overzealously blissful. The mind is extraordinarily quick and witty, and perceptions are fluid and pleasant, like fine silk. Strong sexual urges.
5. Dissolution - These next 5 stages tend to come as a package deal. You have to go through them many times to be able to discern each particular flavor, as the buddhists have. But mostly these stages are marked by depression, apathy, lack of motivation, and a dark cloud over every thought and feeling.
6. Fear
7. Misery
8. Disgust
9. Desire for Deliverance
10. Re-observation
11. Equanimity - Eventually the dark cloud lifts, and equanimity begins. It feels much like stage 4, but far more peaceful and comforting, lacking in the extreme intensity of zealous bliss and strong sexual urges. This is as far as I've ever gotten (though it took only 2 months of continuous effort through insight "noting" practices).
12. Conformity
13. Change of Lineage
14. Path
15. Fruition
16. Review
There're also maps devoted specifically to concentration practices ("Deep Meditation") which are completely different than the stages and maps of Insight, as they produce a completely different experience, but are also interesting, nonetheless.
In any case, keep practicing. Hope this helps.
