wings of bhakti

[Chard]

Hi everyone!
It's been a bit since I've posted and during this time I've reflected alot. I've realized how I've clung so much to this community and individuals in it, some more than others in order to help me stay on my spiritual path. I've been terrified that if I don't have people in this community to cling to then I will fall off my path. I've feared being alone and feared that my bhakti and God won't be enough to sustain these practices, so I've relied so heavily on others. Much of this is understandable though when one first starts out. Sometimes though situations happen and we can't cling anymore to those things we thought were sustaining us and so we are then forced to be on our own trusting our Higher Power to sustain our path... Although its terrifying, I've come to realize that this is where the real freedom is. So there comes a time when we must as is written in Secrets of Wilder "fly by the wings of our own desires" and trust God. This is the time for me. So for me to be able to do this I know I'll need to step away from this website for now and any other thing that I think is holding me on this path for now. This is very scary for me but I know it's only going to strenghten my relationship with God when I know that I don't "need" some outer thing to sustain my practices. This community has supported me so much and I'm so grateful to you all and I wanted to communicate this rather than just disappear randomly for a while... Be well and til later...
Much love always to all!
Chard

[Chard]

Ok so I realized that in reality, I can't get OFF my meditation cushion! So I do realize now that even though its only been a short while, I will, in fact, continue my practices even without any type of community... but then there is that fine line between being dependent on a community versus being a part of a community that fosters my spiritual growth- so I certainly don't want to isolate myself as I find you all to help me so much on my journey. It's great to be back!

In fact, I was on a plane flight today and I traveled in a storm. This was probably the second scariest flight for me. Traveling is something I love, but to be honest, flying has been my biggest phobia in life. There was alot of turbulence today and I felt consumed by fear, and I knew that no person could help me and it was only about surrending to God at that point and trusting whatever His will is. So out of desperation, I went into the IAM mantra the whole time during the turbulence and for the first time ever, I felt a real sense of peace and calmness even under those conditions. So, yeah, I suppose I'm not giving up my practices any time soon!!

[Etherfish]

Hi Chard,
No need to feel you are clinging to anything; just take it all lightly and come and go at your whim.
What's important is the twice daily practices, which I'm sure you do. Good things happen, and bad things happen, and they are both just scenery as we chug  along with the engine of our regular practices.

P.S. for people who are afraid of flight: the closer you are to the front, the less turbulence you will feel. The pilot's cabin is very calm, and the tail kind of whips around behind it. So request a seat farther forward next time.

[Chard]

Thanks Etherfish, that's great advice and yes, I am aware of sitting the front- frankly I'd feel more comfortable flying the plane []for that lovely illusion of control that I'm realizing increasingly that I've never really had to begin with! Be well all!