Ecstatic Inner Experience

[anandatandava]

Hello Everyone

You may be relieved to hear that I'm done with my long-winded attempts to be halfway utilitarian for a while.  I think I've amply demonstrated my willingness to put in the work, even if to about the same purpose as a hamster in his wheel. *laugh*  But it's springtime, and Love is in the air.  Let's have some fun!

I've also been marking time, wondering how I might read of others' inner experience before running blindly off a cliff like the Roadrunner's Coyote.  But the muse won't wait any longer, even throwing illuminated writing up in my dreams - hypergraphia is a relentless taskmaster!  I am explosively pregnant with bhakti, and must swallow my bashfulness to write of it - it's the doctor's orders!  Does bashfulness seem an oxymoron in relation to me?  Recall that I am autistic.  I hide away in my cell with nary a cohesive thought bubbling up through my consciousness.  To live intellectually I must indeed swallow my inborn fear of rejection and abandonmnet (I'm working on that as we speak) and pick up a pen.  The pen bursts into life, and I along with it, in some marvelous symbiosis, a mutual life-support, man-ink admixtured, idiot savant combo.  Who's the idiot?  I can't even live independently in a tiny cell or speak in a straight line.  I remember almost nothing, even my zip code of almost 10 years.  But the pen remembers, and speaks for me, and also for itself.  I can't explain, but I can show you.  Here, if you're careful not to fall in, take a peek down it's throat:

"Only Lovers can do so in comfort, for when you peer into the Abyss, the Abyss peers also into you.  Am I not the measure of your own heart?  Your kind tolerance of this flawed vehicle, this child of the lowest caste, speaks to Heaven.  I have placed the tilaks, my imprimatur, upon him.  Of whom is this a test?  Though his words may stumble, I ask that you remain charitable to their aisha nature."

Oh!  A contraction clenched me - the time was nigh!  I had to fling the pen from me and stand up quickly to dance the energy out before becoming rooted to the floor, writing with my hair on fire the next few days!

So occasionally you may hear an approaching wind, and then we won't be in Kansas anymore.  If meteoric passages are to your taste, let's take a spiraled journey into the heart of me.  All in the service of Love.


Roy


*Note* This is CarsonZi now typing posts in for Roy/Anandatandava.... I will also be printing out any responses to his posts and mailing them to him so that he can finally have some way of actually interacting with us here on the forum.  Love![^]