Hi everyone. It's been a while. Losing the energy and motivations to stay in the forum, I'd been appearing once in a while for over a year. The 8 to 6 (sometimes 7) teaching job that I'd been in, together with a little social activities at night that I find indispensible for a fuller and more balanced life, leave no room for too much things. But I'd say it's more about the losing bhakti.
I'm afraid when I first bumped into AYP and stayed in the AYP forum all the time, it may be a way of escape. It happened just when a trauma turn to me, with its meaning being unfolded gradually over the following months. After more than 2 years, it's still unfolding, and affecting my life in every way. I practised devotedly and, being depressed and didn't know what else I could do, stayed in the forum for hours each day. I was obviously not facing the root of the problem, and for me it's just like a kind of obsession that the first thing that comes to my mind when I sit down is to click and check the forum. Later on I talked about it here, and I got some suggestions. I knew it takes some time, I knew all answers are there and no one could really help me. So I suppressed my urge of visiting the forum, maintaining only my practices. All the while, I started my first, busy full-time as a 8 to 6 teacher. Back then, I believe the urge was more an obsession than bhakti.
Now, I quited my job as a teacher, and is ready for something new. Something not so exhaustive. Looking back, besides being very tired and deprived of sleep, I found I've gradually become more stablised. I may skip one or 2 practices occasionally, but overall I've a pretty stable practice. And more importantly, I've more time now and won't get into a turmoil again (hopefully).
Why I'm hanging around again? I don't know exactly. It almost feel I could miss something. You guys, may be?
![[:)]](http://www.aypsite.com/plus-forum/Smileys/akyhne/icon_smile.gif "Smile")
But seriously, I hope it won't be an obsession any more. I hope it's either helping me or the others when I stayed. I find I understand more about the spiritual stuffs now as I read through the posts here. A good start, isn't it?
ah.....groups form and part....guys aren't exactly the same as they're 2 years ago. I feel a bit lost when I think about the past. That's fear, is it?
