taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 05 2018 : 6:22:32 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi BlueRaincoat and Christi!
Thanks for your precious insights
Just for the record, I really admire and sincerely follow all tbat you guys say esp. Christi and Yogani at AYP here.
However, just to give you a quick idea of my background and what exactly I'm experiencing to possibly look at every angle of my problems, I would like you to know my history of practices:
Firstly, I am not doing any of the stuff that is mentioned here on AYP. I stumbled upon the method of mastering the male non ejaculatory multiple orgasms on Youtube and got hooked onto the idea immediately with an aim of improving my sex life and overall persona as it promises of all positive changes if trained consistently with dedication. So initially it was just about learning the actual technique that I started practicing daily. Basically taoist stuff that Mantak Chia teaches and other esoteric yogis likes in India its known as tantric masturbation.
So I got really interested and before I could realize that all of this was quite dangerous and possibly harmful to an irreversible degree is when I became worries and switched over to find out how it's really done cause simple experimentation of playing with my sexual energy for hours became draining and I started losing my body structure and shape I lost 2-3 kgs of muscle mass.
Then I left it for some weeks but it used to feel so good and calming that it was there in the back of my mind 24/7
So i started doing the process again. It involved - Getting aroused by hand stimulation of the penis and reaching a semi-aroused state of 50-75% erection and meanwhile taking deep breaths inhale from nose and exhale from mouth with the tongue on the roof of the mouth to try to feel the energy moving from the spine to the solar plexus in a micro cosmic orbit while bringing my sexual energy to travel from the perineum to the spine by contracting the PC muscle and anal sphincter repeatedly while masturbating.
I was doing this every day for an hour for over 4 months. without any other meditation or physical exercise like the gym. Which I realize now that was a big mistake not to balance it all.
Although I do practice Sadhguru's Shambhavi Mahamudra which is a 21 minute full body breathing kriya which involves alternate nasal breathing AUM chanting the three main bandhas jalandhar uddiyana and mula and finish with shambhavi.
I have not been able to keep up with it on a day to day basis. I do it very infrequently.
Apart from that I have just been focusing on solo cultivation sessions in an effort to achieve long lasting sexual orgasms without spilling any sperm. I actually reached that state many times but by force cause I would anyway lose the semen through urine and the subsequent energy loss would occur.
So it has really disturbed my mental state and I have become anxious about my sexuality fearing about things like infertility or my ejaculations not spurting out with power like before they jusy ooze out without any force.
Have I done heavy damage due to these practices?
Cause I know for a fact that before doing any of this stuff I never had these issues. It is only after i have started doing this so obsessively that has costed me issues with my sexual confidence bowel incontinence muscle loss pain in lower back and kidneys and retrograde ejaculation which just feels unnatural.
Have I damaged any nerves doing extra strong pelvic contractions?
To check all of these symptoms I still occasionally masturbate just to see if the sexual function is normal or not and I achieve an erection by stimulating. So i hope if that's happening things can get back to normal right?
Thanks a million!
Please reply
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1490 Posts
Posted - Sep 07 2018 : 08:25:25 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thank you for sharing, taotanvir.
Sounds like another cautionary tale about adopting advanced tantric practices before establishing a sound meditation practice. We hear them every now and then on this forum. I happen to remember another Mantak Chia follower who wrote here some years back. He was suicidal. I should also say that he wrote a few years later to say he was starting to feel better, so things do settle down eventually. In your case, it is not as bad as it could have been. Your symptoms, as you described them in your first post on this thread, are relatively common for male yogis during a certain stage of evolution.
quote:
Originally posted by taotanvir
Have I done heavy damage due to these practices?
If by 'heavy damage' you mean anatomical damage, then no, that is unlikely. But you are in unknown territory, as you have unleashed Kundalini without having developed the Witness. If you look at spiritual traditions in general, the two complementary opposites are always present (Shiva and Shakti, God the Father and the Holy Spirit, Yin and Yang etc.)
I would recommend taking up meditation. It is the practice that develops the Witness (called Inner Silence in AYP). You can find instructions in Lesson 13 on this website if you feel inclined to give it a go. You can find it by clicking the "Deep Meditation" link on the left of this window.
quote:
Originally posted by taotanvir
Although I do practice Sadhguru's Shambhavi Mahamudra which is a 21 minute full body breathing kriya which involves alternate nasal breathing AUM chanting the three main bandhas jalandhar uddiyana and mula and finish with shambhavi.
I would be careful with that practice. Breathing techniques and bandhas are for stimulating the energy. You may be putting gasoline over the fire.
Take care.
Edited by - BlueRaincoat on Sep 07 2018 08:47:01 AM
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 07 2018 : 10:49:55 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Taotanvir,
BlueRaincoat has given you very good advice already.
What you are doing, or have been doing, is to focus almost exclusively on one practice and to overdo that practice to excess. This is dangerous and is never recommended. Yoga should be a balanced practice, including all 8 limbs and should be built up gradually, without taking any single practice to excess.
If you read through the
Main Lessons on this site, the building up of a full-scope system of yoga is described. In the
Tantra Lessons, it says that tantra should not be used as a stand-alone practice, but that a strong foundation in meditation and other yogic practices, should be cultivated first.
Concentrating purely on the energetic aspects of awakening (especially sexual), and using energetic practices excessively, can damage both the body and the mind. So, we cannot rule out the possibility that some damage has not been done already. But the body and mind also have a tremendous ability to heal themselves, under the right conditions. So, all is not lost and you can get back on track quite easily.
It is important that you do not continue with the practices that you have been doing, as they have obviously been causing you harm and are not producing any useful effect. That in itself could be difficult, as the body develops habits (vasanas) and habits are not easy to change. So, it could be a slow process, especially in the beginning.
I would encourage you to develop a full-scope yoga practice, beginning with
meditation and later on adding
Spinal Breathing Pranayama. Gentle and limited tantric sexual practices including pre-orgasmic sex, can be added onto that foundation once some stability is present. In the beginning tantric sexual practices should always be pre-orgasmic, otherwise you will continue to experience the loss of energy that you have been experiencing. Later on, tantric sexual practices may naturally become fully orgasmic, without ejaculation and without any energy loss. Eventually, the whole-body orgasmic state becomes 24/7, occurring quite naturally all of the time.
The important thing is not to get the cart in front of the horse. It is meditation and pranayama which lead to a permanently orgasmic condition, rather than tantric sexual practices, whatever anyone else may say. Tantric sexual practices can help in the process, but they are a minor player on the stage. Eventually tantric sexual practices are transcended altogether, even whilst the condition of ecstatic-bliss, divine love and continuous full-body orgasm continue.
It is a long journey, but also a very enjoyable one.
See this lesson:
Lesson T31 - Constant Coming...
Christi
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 02:49:19 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Christi,
Thanks a million for your valuable insights. It will be great if you could further clear off a few of my other doubts.
1) If a person is not following any of the sitting meditative practices or any disciplined yoga routine such as myself who is just trying to master sexual transmutation. So is it so that even then my symptoms like sweating profusely in the perineum area and spinal area and bowel changes and bubbly urine that has semen in it.Will all these still be counted as welcome purification signs or they will affect my body and stamina negatively because there is no other supplementary practice?
2) I would like to know if stopping all forms of masturbation (edging, orgasming, porn induced arousal, ejaculation) and giving up the pattern of self arousal and breathing into the spine while getting horny to complete the microcosmic orbit using visualization technique of energy spreading all over the body breath regulation pc muscle contraction and stopping before the point of no return.
All of which is described as the process of achieving non ejaculatory full body orgasms. If by abstaining from this and just indulging in normal sexual intercourse with full ejaculation be of any benefit?
Cause I think an experiment of a 2-3 month celibacy could cure all the bladder/bowel imbalances that are ruining my daily life.
Lastly, do you suggest me to get normal tests done to check my testosterone levels, prostate health, kidney diagnosis and zinc levels as I'm losing my shape and getting thin.
I Dont want to lose any more muscle. Goingbto the gym jas become a guilty frustration as I run short of breath and start palpitating after just a little bit of exertion. At 22 no youngster wants that you know?
I guess this tantric bullsh*t has gotten in the way of my fitness journey and really reduced my stamina.
PLEASE GIVE A STRONG ADVICE.
GOD BLESS AYP! for I can share all this freely.
Thanks
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 03:33:03 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Taotanvir,
The real issue that you are experiencing is that you are focussing on energetic purification exclusively without cultivation many of the more important aspects of yoga, which help to regulate and stabilize the whole process of purification. Practices such as meditation help to cultivate peace, equanimity and stillness, which are more important qualities to be cultivating at this stage.
Peacefulness and inner silence give us the stability needed to weather the highs and lows of ecstasy involved with the energetic side of the process of awakening. Without that, it is like sailing a ship without a rudder. Things can easily go off course, and it can be very difficult to get back on track.
You are certainly overdoing things both energetically and sexually, so you need to self-pace accordingly. It is not really a question of whether your symptoms are signs of purification or not, it is more a question of how much damage you are doing by continuing to practice excessively. Moderation is the key word. Tantric sexual practices are designed to increase stamina, as well as many other things, so if your stamina is being reduced by the practices, then that is a sign of imbalance and/ or excess.
Complete celibacy also is not necessarily that healthy. It can cause a build-up of energy (prana) in the body, leading to difficulties later on. It can also be repressive from a mental and emotional standpoint, which can cause further issues. Leading a healthy sexual lifestyle, with occasional release, whilst concentration on building up a full yogic practice, including meditation and pranayama, is the best way to go. Tantric sexual practices can come later on, in their own time and when you have prepared your body and mind to be able to cope with the purification involved.
If you are concerned about your health and you think that a physical cause could be there, then certainly go to the doctor to get checked up. Be sure to be eating a healthy diet as well if you are able to.
best wishes,
Christi
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 04:22:40 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Christi,
So essentially I must immediately stop doing solo energetic cultivation through sexual arousal and not go overboard with all the guilt surrounding my current status as I can still minimize the damage and get back to good health right?
And when it comes to leading a healthy sexual lifestyle with an occasional release, are you implying pre-orgasmic sex or normal masturbation with ejaculating a full load of sperm? Also what exactly is pre orgasmic sex and can it be done alone? I think pre-orgasmic means edging and just backing off with a full erection before ejaculation takes place. Just refraining from orgasming right?
Finally, I think Basti would be a good cleansing technique for all o my internal anatomical blockages. Along with that maybe drinking a lot of water so that my bladder and kidneys keep working properly.
The occurrence of slight pains in stretching in the lower back and a feeling of almost a blocked spasm in the lower ribs, kidney area on the backside is constant. So doing physical exercise or Pilates would be good to knock off these imbalances.
What do you recommend Christi!?
Thanks!
Viva AYP!
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 06:33:07 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Taotanvir,
Yes, because of your situation and the difficulties you are experiencing, I would advise stopping all energetic spiritual practices, including tantric sexual practices for a while. Concentrate for now on cultivating a meditation practice and on grounding activities to stabilise your body energetically. Grounding activities are described in this lesson:
Lesson 69 - Kundalini Symptoms, Imbalances and RemediesLetting go of guilt is also a really good move. Guilt is not going to help you to move forwards.
Leading a healthy sexual lifestyle means not indulging in sex excessively. For now, leave out tantric sexual practices such as pre-orgasmic sex, as they will increase the prana in the body and could make your symptoms worse. So yes, that means releasing sperm when you have sex. Leading a normal sexual lifestyle also means not repressing sexual energy by abstaining completely from sex if that is not your nature. Releasing energy and fluids once in a while is fine. Once a week, or once a fortnight is not a problem.
When you do reach a position where you are stable, and are established in a regular meditation practice, then you can introduce tantric sexual practices again if you wish to. For men, pre-orgasmic sex is one of the most important of these. Pre-orgasmic sex is not exactly the same as "edging", in that it is not about coming to the brink of orgasm and then backing off. It is about staying well in front of orgasm and backing off when necessary. It is described in this lesson:
Lesson T4 - The Holdback Method - A Stairway to Heaven
The problem with "edging" is that it can lead to eventual loss of both prana and sexual fluids.
Basti can certainly be a useful practice, especially if you are experiencing difficulty with bowel movements caused by excessive kundalini. Drinking plenty of water is also very advisable.
Certainly pilates, or physical exercise, can help with aces and pains in the body which are caused by excessive flows of energy. Of course, in yoga, we use yoga asana for that purpose.
Addition 71.1 - Asana Starter Kit, with Instructions, Illustrations and VideoAddition 383.1 - Enhanced AYP Asana Routine (Illustrated and Video)Christi
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 07:38:15 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Can I practice the holdback method in solo cultivation?
Just masturbating and holding back well ahead of orgasm...
And does the Shambhavi Mahamudra meditation fall under energetic practices?
Can I do the full kriya that involves the bandhas?
Thanks!
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 08:33:23 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Taotanvir,
If you are in a situation where you have too much prana in your body (overload), then you want to be reducing energy practices rather than continuing with them. So this would mean not using the holdback method during masturbation, or sex with a partner, as this will increase the build-up of prana in the body.
Bring yourself into a more balanced and grounded condition first.
And yes, the Shambhavi Mahamudra practice that you describe in this post is an energy cultivation practice. So that would be another one to self-pace (cut-back) with.
Christi
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 08:47:36 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Christi
Thanks for this entire post.
I have one last question:
Doe cultivating energy from holdback method done with masturbation have anything to do with excessive sweating on the surface of the body and reduction of muscle mass?
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 10:53:40 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Taotanvir,
Yes, the holdback method is designed to hold prana in the body and cause it to rise up towards the higher centres. If someone has too much energy in their body and is suffering from energetic overload then they can experience various symptoms. Sweating is a very common symptom of excess energy, whilst reduction in muscle mass is less common.
There are many other symptoms which can be experienced such as fatigue, irritability, pressure in the head, heat in the body etc. Symptoms are not necessarily an issue unless they are causing pain or are uncomfortable in which case we need to self-pace accordingly.
If you read through the
main lessons on this site and the
tantra lessons, many of the questions you are asking here will be answered and you will gain a much better understanding of the whole process of purification and awakening.
Christi
taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 1:32:51 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
But Christi
Wouldn't daily holdback practices fall under the same category of excessive masturbation/stimulation even though there is no ejaculation involved?
For that matter aren't tantric sexual practices an addiction as a seeker would compulsively keep ascendong prana continuously.
Isn't this harmful for fertility or sperm production? It could make you very lustful and hanituated tp sexual stimulation.
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JJJ
31 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 1:53:33 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Christi
About tantra I don't get one thing.How for example looks a month schedule ( if i can say that) of experienced yogi looks like assuming that one is doing yoga practises with addition of tantra practises. For example is it sex with partner for example for 3-4 hours without orgasm and then what? just going back to normal daily life and for example next sex session after couple days again without orgasm? how long it could be to make occasional sex without release of sperm ( a month , couple months)? my biggest question is - if the sex without orgasm is finished then isn't this a problem that the state of sexual arousal stays for a daily life and is very uncomfortable - doesn't one feel a need to release? when someone should use orgasm without sperm release in this schedule? I read about tantra around here in AYP but this is still unclear for me.I would be thankful for some light on this. Thank you.
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Christi
United Kingdom
3543 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 2:43:29 PM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Christi's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
But Christi
Wouldn't daily holdback practices fall under the same category of excessive masturbation/stimulation even though there is no ejaculation involved?
For that matter aren't tantric sexual practices an addiction as a seeker would compulsively keep ascendong prana continuously.
Isn't this harmful for fertility or sperm production? It could make you very lustful and hanituated tp sexual stimulation.
Hi Taotanvir,
Anyone can become excessive about any activity. So someone could practice tantric sexual techniques to excess, in the same way that they could practice any sexual activity to excess. What is excessive, depends very much on the person, and the state of their subtle nervous system. For people who are very sensitive, even a little tantric sexual practice could be excessive and they would need to self-pace carefully.
The same goes for addictive tendencies. Some people are particularly prone to becoming addicted to things and it can be a problem for them. Others can do the same activity without any addiction playing a part in what they are doing. They are simply able to enjoy the practice that they are doing, when they are doing it and then let it go. This is one of the reasons it is recommended to become well established in meditation before beginning a tantric sexual practice. Meditation cultivates the witness, which enables us to be able to function in the world without attachment. Then, even when very pleasant things are happening, we can regard them with equanimity and not become addicted to them.
Tantric sexual practices do not effect sperm production.
quote:
Hi Christi
About tantra I don't get one thing.How for example looks a month schedule ( if i can say that) of experienced yogi looks like assuming that one is doing yoga practises with addition of tantra practises. For example is it sex with partner for example for 3-4 hours without orgasm and then what? just going back to normal daily life and for example next sex session after couple days again without orgasm? how long it could be to make occasional sex without release of sperm ( a month , couple months)? my biggest question is - if the sex without orgasm is finished then isn't this a problem that the state of sexual arousal stays for a daily life and is very uncomfortable - doesn't one feel a need to release? when someone should use orgasm without sperm release in this schedule? I read about tantra around here in AYP but this is still unclear for me.I would be thankful for some light on this. Thank you.
Hi JJJ,
Everyone is at a different stage in terms of their awakening and purification process, so it is not possible to say what a typical "experienced yogi" who practices tantric sex does. But certainly what you describe here could be the case for some people. Some could even do this every day (practicing sex with a partner for 3-4 hours without orgasm), without an issue. The act of love making changes over time and it becomes less about what we normally think of in terms of sex, and more of a beautiful exchange of energies between two people. There is a flow of energy that goes up through one person and down through the other and also a flow of energy between the two hearts. It becomes as much about love and about ecstasy as it is about sex. The sexual aspect could even fall away all together, with only the ecstatic love remaining, even whilst the two lovers are still embracing each other.
How long this could be done for, without any release of sperm, again depends on the person and their stage of development. For some people it would become an issue after just a few days, or a week. Others, who are sublimating all of the energy and all of the sexual fluids, and who have a highly purified subtle neurobiology, may not ever need to release sperm. Everything is taken up inside and is transformed into amrita in the higher centres.
A state of sexual arousal can remain permanently, without it being a problem. Over time we become used to it. As sexual arousal expands to fill the whole body and merges with stillness (inner silence), it becomes what we call ecstatic-bliss. So, it is possible to function in an orgasmic state of ecstatic-bliss and divine-love in daily life 24/7. This is the fruit of tantric sexual practices, when combined with an effective full-scope yogic practice over many years. At this stage, even the tantric sexual practices are not necessary. The full-body orgasmic state will remain, triggered simply be very simple things such as raising the eyes into shambhavi, or seeing a sunset, or your lovers hand brushing against yours accidentally.
Take it one step at a time and it will all unfold quite naturally.
Christi
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Dogboy
USA
1585 Posts
Posted - Sep 10 2018 : 4:10:50 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Taotanvir, if I may offer an observation, you have a very young and strong Bhakti (desire) that you wish to express through sex. The beautiy of yoga is that you can do just that, and then aim it at the Divine. But to do so, you need to meditate first, no way around it. This it what you invest that Bhakti in, and do not worry about anything else until a practice is established, and you know witness.
edit: spelling
Edited by - Dogboy on Sep 10 2018 4:36:27 PM
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 11 2018 : 01:43:35 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Dogboy,
I got your observation.
But the entire energy process be it pre-orgasmic sex or masturbation with holdback method seems to pose more problems for me than actually solving it. The real struggle I'm facing is that even without natural sexual urges like random erections or my body trying to tell me it's horny, my mind/inner voice is constantly desiring to engage in stimulation. Since I dont have a partner I masturbate and I do it without climaxing (no ejaculation) it is almost like an addiction and guess what even after say an hour of sexual energy cultivation the desire doesn't come down in fact the fire starts burning with much more intensity of lust and pornography.
It is almost insatiable this habit I've gotten myself into. And the worst part is that in that moment my intellect my body my common sense my logical mind everything complies with it and I keep on stroking until all the energy from the penis is drawn away into the rest of the body or some pre-cum gets released from the penis.
I realize that my whole body starts dripping in sweat and that's when my urge comes down as the erection gets weak ans it feels as if I burnt 200 calories doing cardio when I was actually just standing and breathing all the sexual energy upwards. Issues start with a lot of white semen geta seen in the bladder. Bowel movements seem different and more obsttuctive and then there is fatigue with aches and sttetching pains in the kidneys above the hips back/rib region. Also I lose chest muscle and waist size.
So this is why I am confused and am desperately searching for the right guidance and anawers.
My mind tells me to engage in such tantric sexual cultivation whilst I feel guilty and bad about wasting hours of my day not gaining much. Moreover I lose my energy and my muscular physique. Its a bad addiction i know. BUt i know that somewhere along this path there are benefits to be derived maybe it will come after years of prctice. Cause in the back of my mind there is some pece associated with rising sexual energy from the perineum.
I just don't know how to improve my condition without spoiling my natural sexual function or puy my fertility at stake for my future sex life for some abstract advantages of extra prana from my masturbation habits?
Any answers are appreciated!
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taotanvir
India
21 Posts
Posted - Sep 11 2018 : 04:06:09 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hello everybody,
On a different note entirely,
Do solo tantric sexual practices like masturbation using holdback technique or preorgasmic sex withdrawal before ejaculation affect athletic performance or our growth hormones?
There are sources that have found that people who do these practices regularly can reduce their chances of gaining weight or putting on muscle in the gym?
Also does sexual activity take a toll on our height? Like can it stunt our full potential height or weight that otherwise we were to reach genetically?
I am worried as I am 22 YO now.. But have been inclined to solo tantra and breathing exercise since the last 3 years.. I am 5'9 and 75 kgs. Somehow I feel as though if I had never masturbated or activated my prostate ad sexual fluids I would have reached a minimum of 5'11 or 6 feet.
Any thoughts on this from young practitioners at AYP?
Thanks!
x
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Dogboy
USA
1585 Posts
Posted - Sep 11 2018 : 5:10:44 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
You say you are confused and seeking answers. Christi has done just that, in short:
Stop your tantric practices all together.. Do not retain your seed at this time. You already know the effects from this, yet you persist on engaging in discussion on these practices.
Stabilize your system with grounding, diet, and service to others.
Seek help for your addictive tendencies.
After you stabilize, begin a dedicated meditation practice.