kumar ul islam
United Kingdom
716 Posts
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 2:31:18 PM
the human experience
lets talk of metaphors and rivers and seeds
wear our badges of which we maybe pleased
place ourselves upon a cross
count our blessings or mark our loss
in every which way we turn and see
the light of intellect shows us what to be
candles in the wind without they are still
how remarkable to be human and half way up the hill
it reminds of the grand old duke
evolution creation or maybe a fluke
half way up or all the down
with our tied on millstones watch out you dont drown
you should never ever be content
the will continues its hell bent
on being born on life then death
drawing the human to the ultimate depths
the ocean has tides it ebbs and flows
from the rise of joy to the poets prose
after years of this that do last
its so easy to be forgetful how you felt in the past
lost in space might help to describe
when searching for truth was sure to inbibe
a sense of longing a devotion true
when you knew who was what and what was you
now the dawn has come and the true light appears
it becomes apparent its years upon years
days upon days nights upon nights
the perciever renounces but still delights
is it stillness dancing without music or tune
lifes human experience without gods or boon
maybe we all need to listen the croak of frog
a language in secret to dispel the mental fog
interpaul
USA
91 Posts
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 3:05:25 PM
SeySorciere, I am new to this forum and certainly not in a position to share wisdom from this practice. Being in my 50s I definitely get frustrated with myself expecting I should be in a different place emotionally/spiritually than I am. I'm not sure if I believe in multiple incarnations, but if reincarnation is true, it would suggest we all are on this very challenging path of enlightenment. You do bring up a really important point, that is, when you achieve something, like dissolving the ego, does that ultimately lead to peace. People who want to astral project often freak out when they successfully leave their body if they aren't prepared. In my recent explorations with SBP/DM I am now feeling more ecstatic energy. Yogani talks of it being like a constant orgasm throughout ones body, I find it a bit distracting at times. Your ongoing inquiry is great and I appreciate being able to learn from you as you've shared your progress over years. It seems like few people truly reach enlightenment here but I sense many of the regulars on this forum have found a place of deeper peace. Good luck on your journey. I enjoy seeing your posts.
Dogboy
USA
1711 Posts
Posted - Nov 08 2019 : 6:36:15 PM
quote:
now the dawn has come and the true light appears
it becomes apparent its years upon years
days upon days nights upon nights
the perciever renounces but still delights
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1207 Posts
Posted - Nov 09 2019 : 9:51:37 PM
Kumar - love the poem.
Sey
lalow33
USA
966 Posts
Posted - Nov 10 2019 : 11:31:17 AM
kumar is bringing it! Love it!
Blanche
USA
606 Posts
Posted - Nov 11 2019 : 07:53:58 AM
Hi Sey,
You know what it is happening: It is the place in-between. In my experience, before switching to a new level of consciousness, there is an emptying. Going back to knowing nothing, like a newborn. Everything I thought I knew, my beliefs, my thoughts, my ideas, my attachments had to be left behind. The deepest, most private fears have to be looked straight up, considered, and let go. The things that have been true until now are not true anymore. The ?story of I? is just a story, a collection of moments. The ?I? is just a made-up concept, socially learned. If I tried to struggle, to question this process, to resist, it became painful. It has been easier and easier to let go of everything, not because ?I? know how to surrender, but because there is no alternative.
There has been some discomfort at times ? how does one function? how to go on? how to be with others and in the world? Working to be comfortable with discomfort. To be comfortable not know what I am, what this is. Feeling like falling backwards, going on and going on, letting go, relaxing into it because there is no alternative, and then realizing that the backwards fall is just as much a flying up, without limits, without boundaries. There is a great bliss and joy to let go in the heart of holding the world together around an ?I.? Bliss and joy to let things be as they are. Bliss and joy to just come to the show of the world without expectations. Bliss and joy to be nothing and become everything.
At some point, the sense of agency is gone. The ?I? is not the doer, it has never been. After some time, it becomes obvious that something else is doing it all. It has been doing it all along. ?I? does not do anything ? nothing is happening. It was helpful during this time to just do what has to be done next, without judgements. Keep up the routine of life. Just be with the flow. Gradually, a strong sense of dharma clarifies and things do get easier.
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1207 Posts
Posted - Nov 12 2019 : 12:32:57 AM
Thank you so much Blanche. What you have written speaks to me. Very helpful.
quote:
..not because ?I? know how to surrender, but because there is no alternative.
I have resigned myself to it (at the moment, I'm sure I will be back moaning soon enough ). Internal struggles and worrying about what my dharma should /will bring is not helpful. And there is no going back. I will just have to keep surrendering... knowing / not knowing; feeling purposeful /feeling useless. Such is the path.
Sey
Blanche
USA
606 Posts
Posted - Nov 12 2019 : 08:05:21 AM
Sey
Buffle37
Switzerland
73 Posts
Posted - Nov 16 2019 : 11:06:26 AM
Hi all
I read this thread with interest and want to share my experience, as I am also in the middle years with a little over 11 years of practice.
I discovered AYP in May 2008 and I remember going on holiday on the Mediterranean coast in June, passionately reading Volume 1 of the lessons and thinking to myself: "Oh yes, of course that's perfectly right. " I feel that all the pieces of the puzzle found their place.
With enthusiasm, I started many practices at the same time (deep meditation, spinal breathing, samyama, asanas + Tantric masturbation that I had already been practicing a few years following Mantak Chia?s teaching). As a result, in October of the same year, I could no longer sleep because of the energy currents that were flowing through my body. Then during years of practice I never succeed to establish a stable platform. My self-pacing has been a succession of "stop and go". I practiced and then had to stop sometimes for a few days, sometimes for several weeks, but I always start again with perseverance. But I have to say that these events have never really handicapped me in daily life, although sometimes my wife tells me to stop as I was loosing my temper. (I have written a short text on this subject, Appendix 1).
During this period, I also had moments when I was very upset by recurring thoughts of frustration about everything I could have done in my life that I didn't do. I wrote a poem about it (Appendix 2).
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
That's where I am today...
Didier
Appendix 1- Kundalini - French
Oh D?esse ! Pourquoi joues-tu avec moi comme le chat avec une souris ?
La nuit, tu as d?abord piti? de moi et tu me laisses dormir 3 ou 4 heures, mais c?est pour mieux me r?veiller et commencer ton jeu cruel.
Tu m?inondes de frissons d?extase, ton ?nergie courre en tous sens, dans ma colonne vert?brale, bien s?r, o? tu joues avec mes vert?bres comme avec des osselets, dans mon ventre, mon sexe, ma poitrine. Tu n?arr?tes pas, je demande gr?ce, je voudrais dormir mais non, tu es impitoyable?
Quand parfois je m?endors un court instant, c?est pour faire des r?ves absurdes, sans queue ni t?te qui semblent poutant tout aussi r?els que la vie m?me.
Que puis-je faire ?
Oh D?esse ! D?esse bien-aim?e ! Je me r?signe, j?accepte, fait de moi ce que tu veux, je m?abandonne. Que je ne sois plus qu?un jouet entre tes mains sacr?es !
Il est 5 heures, le jour se l?ve, il est temps de reprendre une vie normale. Tout rentre dans l?ordre, l??nergie me laisse, comme une mer qui se retirerait ? mar?e basse?
Jusqu?? la nuit suivante, o? tout recommence?
04.06.2014
Translation
Oh Goddess! Why are you playing with me like the cat with a mouse?
At night, you first feel sorry for me and let me sleep for 3 or 4 hours, but it's to wake me up better and start your cruel game.
You inundate me with shivers of ecstasy, your energy runs in all directions, in my spine, of course, where you play with my vertebrae like with a game of knucklebones, in my stomach, my sex, my chest. You don't stop, I ask for mercy, I would like to sleep but no, you are ruthless...
When I sometimes fall asleep for a short while, it is to have absurd dreams, nonsenses that seem as real as life itself.
What can I do about it?
Oh Goddess! Beloved Goddess! I resign myself, I accept, do with me what you want, I abandon myself. May I be but a toy in your sacred hands!
It's 5:00 a. m., the day is coming up, it's time to get back to a normal life. Everything is back in order, the energy leaves me, like a sea that would retreat at low tide...
Until the next night, when everything starts all over again...
??
Appendix 2 ? en fran?ais- Nuit noire
D?sirs inassouvis, pulsions insatisfaites,
Temps g?ch?, temps perdu, ombres de mes d?faites.
La nuit vient qui s??tend, et c?est le temps qui passe.
Tristesse, d?ception, l?espoir, h?las, s?efface.
***
Dans ce chaos immonde o? se trouve mon ?tre ?
Pour quelle raison sur terre ai-je d? appara?tre ?
Ce je, qui interroge et qui cherche sa route,
Trouvera-t-il un jour la r?ponse ? ses doutes ?
Illusion, illusion, vais-je percer ton voile ?
Que faut-il faire enfin pour d?chirer la toile ?
L?espoir est-il permis, l?angoisse seule est-elle reine ?
D?sespoir au pr?sent, ma vie est ? la tra?ne.
Pourquoi, pourquoi chercher, s?il n?y a pas d?issue ?
Des efforts inutiles, s?il faut finir d??u.
Au fil des jours qui passent, le d?sespoir grandit.
Le cri pouss? en vain se noie dans la chienlit.
***
Chercher, chercher encore, sans espoir, sans rel?che,
Et la mort qui viendra me prendra ? la t?che.
Octobre-d?cembre 2016
Translation :
Unsatisfied desires, unsatisfied impulses,
Time wasted, time ruined, shadows of my defeats.
Night is coming, time is passing.
Sadness, disappointment, alas, hope fades.
***
In this filthy chaos, where is my being?
Why, on earth, did I have to appear?
This I, who is questioning, and who is looking for his way,
Will he ever find the answer to his doubts?
Illusion, illusion, will I pierce your veil?
What finally needs to be done to tear the canvas?
Is hope allowed, is anxiety alone the only thing that matters?
Despair in the present, my life is lagging behind.
Why, why search, if there's no way out?
Unnecessary effort, if you have to end up disappointed.
As the days pass, despair grows.
The scream made in vain drowns in the mud.
***
Search, search again, without hope, without respite,
And the death that will come will take me to the task.
Dogboy
USA
1711 Posts
Posted - Nov 16 2019 : 9:55:11 PM
quote:
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
I?m about four years into ecstatic conductivity and these past few months I feel I ?get it? better. To have the ability to read your body, get an energetic signature, and then move your body to feel release has been a game changer. I find I bring yoga into my day, always conscious how I am moving through space, carrying my weight, maintaining balance, or using my non-dominant side. I am playful and patient with my body.
How are you feeling physically in these Middle Years, Sey?
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1207 Posts
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 02:18:00 AM
I did DM a whole year (perhaps more) before I moved to SBP, for the simple reason that my friend gave me the DM booklet and not the SBP one until a year later. I had little access to the internet back then and somehow, it did not cross my mind to check out the website. However, I find that was greatly beneficial. By the time I moved to SBP, I was well aware of the Witness /Inner Silence. I could from there, clearly see what the energetic practices did and could adjust accordingly. I was stable for 10 years, doing practically the whole gamut of practices.
So how do I feel physically after years of practice? Not doing so great in that area. I am obviously older, moving from a slender person to putting on some weight; went through menopause early (as a result of the practices, it would appear). Asanas is my weakness. I do not like physical activity. So sometimes, I feel a huge amount of energy that instead of flowing into the world is clogged up - when it gets too bad, then I throw in a couple of asana sessions.
Then a couple of tragedies threw me into instability practice-wise. I am slowly recovering from that but Christi also mentioned in a thread somewhere that we do not need a lot of practices (type of practice and longer duration) in the middle years; the flywheel effect is well established and you just keep topping up with the core practices.
Hope I have answered your question properly.
Sey
Christi
United Kingdom
3682 Posts
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 05:32:19 AM
quote:
Now, as I write these lines, everything has changed. It only took me a few months to feel the ecstatic conductivity, but more than 10 years to start to become a little aware of the inner silence and the witness. In the past few weeks, I have radically changed my practice. I have completely left out everything related to energy techniques and I only practice deep meditation and samyama. Before, when I practiced samyama, I used to fall asleep very often in the middle of the sutras to come back after 10/20 minutes without knowing where I was. Now it doesn't happen anymore and it has been replaced by great clarity and the sutras are released in stillness.
That's where I am today...
Hi Dider,
Good to hear from you. And thanks for sharing.
Christi
United Kingdom
3682 Posts
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 05:41:42 AM
quote:
So how do I feel physically after years of practice? Not doing so great in that area. I am obviously older, moving from a slender person to putting on some weight; went through menopause early (as a result of the practices, it would appear). Asanas is my weakness. I do not like physical activity. So sometimes, I feel a huge amount of energy that instead of flowing into the world is clogged up - when it gets too bad, then I throw in a couple of asana sessions.
Then a couple of tragedies threw me into instability practice-wise. I am slowly recovering from that but Christi also mentioned in a thread somewhere that we do not need a lot of practices (type of practice and longer duration) in the middle years; the flywheel effect is well established and you just keep topping up with the core practices.
Hi Sey,
It sounds as if you would do well to add an asana routine to the front of each practice session. Only doing sitting practices can lead to tamas building up, with a sense of frustration going along with it. If you have noticed that you have stagnant energy at times and that asanas shifts this, then that is a good indication of what is needed at this time.
It is true that there can be a flywheel effect coming in at a certain stage on the path, and that when that happens, we do not need to be "pushing on the pedals" as often as before. But, even when this is happening, we still need to be keeping an eye on self-pacing, which means increasing practices when necessary as well as cutting back when necessary. So, we are always looking to keep our practices at the right level, even if it is easier to do so, because of the increased energies flowing through the body and the natural inclination towards stillness that occurs.
Christi
Charliedog
1594 Posts
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 08:53:04 AM
Thanks for sharing your wisdom here at the forums Christi
Charliedog
1594 Posts
Posted - Nov 17 2019 : 11:30:39 AM
PS and everyone else
SeySorciere
Seychelles
1207 Posts
Posted - Jan 08 2020 : 01:10:12 AM
quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
I look forward to the day that I will laugh and laugh. I look forward to the day that I will open my eyes in the morning and not groan at having to get up and go to work. I look forward to the day that I will live life fully and joyfully un-hindered by thoughts of material insecurity and anxiety.
Anyone living like that right now?
What I can do is retreat into my Self and let go /be at peace when I realize the little dramas of the day is getting to me. But there is a difference between being spontaneously joyous in every moment and retreating to safe grounds when you realize you are getting too engaged / attached to things going a particular way.
Sey
For the past weeks - since the frog incident - I have woken up joyous and mostly stay joyous all day. There are lapses but generally joyous.
Sey
