nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 1:04:34 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Topic Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Message Delete Topic
Hello based on my assumption i have experienced savikalpa samadhi over 2 weeks ago....(this is what i thought at the start of this post now I know what it was it's called Kensho)
If you can please help... I am lost what to do next...
To better describe my experience...I came down from sat sang...it was evening... and started mindful meditation practice (been doing for 3 years / 2hours every day) also i did concentration practices for 10 years
I had an argument with my friend what enlightenment is...with my friend before... and all of the sudden.. thought comes... how can I have an argument what enlightenment is.. if I do not know what that is myself...but there is a feeling like i know it...
And then right at that moment my ego consciousness shifts to Atman.... and then im having a thought who is aware now that I am Atman... and I go to the Brahman level = that I am Brahman...
Got 1000+ insights..how life and birth works, universe, that I am god who is timeless, all knowing, exist everywhere and even nowhere....and many many other things
The whole experience probably lasted 8+ hours until i regained my regular consciousness....
Then for 1st 2 days...i couldn't sleep at all...was 100% conscious...i was feeling myself as a field of awareness...sounds were coming from all the sides...when i went outside...it was the most beautiful and amazing day of my life...
After 3-4 days - everything started fading and everything came to ego level...I realized that I who thought i am - do not exist at all... and whole my plans...dreams...desires are pointless...
At the moment i still have 100% conscious level...do not need to do anything to be conscious...but I am kind of lost what am I suppose to do now? I cannot work my previous work.. it makes me literally sick...emotional rollecoaster is up and down... from the most amazing emotions to the bottom of the worst emotions...
I cannot talk with people....about it = they will think I gone mad..
I would appreciate any guidance - what happens now....
Thank you
Edited by - nothingatall on Oct 13 2016 3:42:28 PM
sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 1:46:32 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi nothingatall,
Welcome to forums. Many here have gone through this experience. You need to ground at this time. See lesson 69
Lesson 69 - Q&A ? Kundalini symptoms, imbalances, and remedies
http://www.aypsite.com/69.htmlOnce you feel grounded and want to start AYP. The lessons starts here.
http://www.aypsite.com/10.htmlFor now ground- long walks, spending time in nature, baths, laying on the soil, hanging out with friends. Forget anything/everything spiritual.
It's a beginning of a new Life which will never stop evolving. It will be a process of letting go, unfolding, deepening. Instead of questions like - what stage am I in?
What can I get from Life? We start saying- How can I serve?
Wishing you the best
Edited by - sunyata on Oct 06 2016 9:26:37 PM
nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 1:51:40 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thank you, will try to implement what I read. So am i right? It was savikalpa samadhi? Or something else?
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:01:12 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi nothingatall,
I'm not well versed in different stages of Samadhi. There are others here who are more knowledgeable regarding this. They will probably chime in.
All I can say it's a good realization but not the end. It's incomplete. This realization has to permeate all aspects of Life. It has to be lived in daily living. Seeing Self in everyone and everything. And this is a life long/never ending process.
In AYP we say Stillness in action, Unity, Divine Love.
Here is another lesson that may help.
Lesson 201 - Q&A ? The drama of a premature crown opening
http://www.aypsite.com/201.htmlnothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:11:03 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thanks Sunyata, what confusing for me - is that so many people trying to raise kundalini up the chakras... I have never did that..
My practices were - neti neti / self inquiry / mindful meditation....and in general i was trying to stay mindful and conscious during the day....I never had any weird sensations...and the whole...."bomb" just exploded all at once...
It was 1000+ more powerful than anything I have experienced in my life... i basically cried and laughed for 2 days... straight after that....even forgot that I am hungry...didn't sleep... thats why I am trying to find some answers...
Would appreciate if someone knowledgeable chime in
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:17:50 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I went through that six years ago. You were already practicing and the time was right for you. There is plenty of information in the forums. Type your questions in the search box. Then sit back, relax and enjoy. Yes, I laughed a lot too. It's the biggest joke isn't it?
But then we ground, keep practicing and serve all- simultaneously laughing at the cosmic joke. Bathing in the sweetness of divine light.
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:21:13 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Is this normal that my mind stays silent? Also i was practicing to stay mindful as much as I can possibly can.. but now I am fully conscious without effort... not sure what I need to practice now
Also my emotions - either pure love... and I love everybody and everybody... or I hate everybody... because they are sleeping and I can't even explain anything - they will think I gone completely mad....
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:25:55 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Yes, it is normal. Depends on how long for each individual. Don't worry thoughts and emotions will all come back. After all isn't that part of being a human.
Of course our relationship with them will change. Like I said ground. No spiritual practices until you feel completely grounded.
Edited by - sunyata on Oct 06 2016 2:26:48 PM
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:37:48 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thanks Sunyata...for all the answers.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 2:40:56 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
It's my pleasure.
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jusmail
India
454 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 8:14:52 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Yes, as Sunyata says back to chopping wood, carrying water, and enjoy the moment. These too shall pass.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 9:36:43 PM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Here's a good lesson on the grades of samadhi:
http://www.aypsite.com/248.htmlAnd an excerpt from that lesson:
On grades of samadhi, you know, the Eskimos have many words for snow. Why? Because they see so much of it, and have come to know its many grades of manifestation. Do all these different words for snow mean anything to a Hawaiian? Not much -- not until the Hawaiian goes and lives with the Eskimos for a while. Then the words for snow begin to make sense. Samadhi is like that. When it becomes the common experience, then conversation about the different grades of samadhi begins to make sense. Until then, to study all that is an academic exercise. Does this promote enlightenment? Not really. Well, maybe it can motivate one to do practices. That is the real value of intellectual knowledge -- its ability to inspire action!
Having said that, there are certain traditions that rely on determining the level of samadhi one is experiencing to decide which style of meditation to do. For them, this is very important, and it is to be respected. In AYP we use one style of meditation that covers the full scope of mind from the surface to the silent depths, so making all the samadhi distinctions is not necessary for effective practice. They are "under the hood" as we drive the car of our nervous system along with the easy-to-use meditation controls. It is just the same as chakras, which have been discussed as being "under the hood" in the early lessons (see #47). When we have a simple, effective practice, delving too much into the inner workings can be a distraction.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 11:30:33 PM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Just to add a little more regarding my own personal experience with samadhi, I would say that, without fail, the key to surviving an abrupt plummet from a glorious mountaintop has been restoring connectivity with my immediate surroundings, with my body being the first priority.
There are many ways to restore and fortify connectivity. Here are some things that have worked for me: long walks; casual conversations; light reading; deep breathing that doesn't involve trying to directly purify energy channels (just easily maximizing oxygen intake into the lungs); hearty food (meat, fruit smoothies, vegetables, carbs); watching funny YouTube videos; throwing the frisbee with a friend; walking barefoot in grass, dirt, sand, or water; playing guitar and singing; dancing to music in a car ride, or in a club, or just to the soundtrack in my head; going to an AA meeting (where spirituality is quite raw and grounding ); and most recently, giving and receiving massages at massage school and abroad (I saved the best for last ). Oh, and I have a full-time job as a communications coordinator for organ donation, so that fills plenty of time.
Anyway, the main thing to realize is that less is more when it comes to powerful spiritual practices. We need to take things in small doses. If you've come to AYP, chances are that your bhakti is strong, and I can tell from your writing that it is, so you will have to learn to temper and balance that desire with self-pacing and finding a functional rhythm for the long journey ahead. You can do it. You are meant for it. You are well on your way.
Emotional content is highly valuable and can be directed to your chosen ideal (ishta). Even hatred is useful. As Yogani says: "All emotion is the power of love."
I think Sunyata's advice to back off meditation is wise, and the inner guru will guide you on the path ahead.
Take it easy. Breathe deep and slow. Love your body, love your mind. Connect with Mother Nature.
You got this.
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Oct 06 2016 : 11:55:45 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
What practices are you doing? Can you talk to your teacher?
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Charliedog
1528 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 01:49:06 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Charliedog's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi nothingatall,
Welcome to AYP forums, you received good advices already. Maybe you can also talk about it in next satsang with the teacher?
quote notingatall
quote:
Is this normal that my mind stays silent? Also i was practicing to stay mindful as much as I can possibly can.. but now I am fully conscious without effort... not sure what I need to practice now
Also my emotions - either pure love... and I love everybody and everybody... or I hate everybody... because they are sleeping and I can't even explain anything - they will think I gone completely mad....
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 02:11:30 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Yes if that would be an option I would go there and just sit in peace / silence of the mind and love - but my teacher already left my country and he isn't coming for at least 1 year+
quote:
Originally posted by Charliedog
Hi nothingatall,
Welcome to AYP forums, you received good advices already. Maybe you can also talk about it in next satsang with the teacher?
quote notingatall
quote:
Is this normal that my mind stays silent? Also i was practicing to stay mindful as much as I can possibly can.. but now I am fully conscious without effort... not sure what I need to practice now
Also my emotions - either pure love... and I love everybody and everybody... or I hate everybody... because they are sleeping and I can't even explain anything - they will think I gone completely mad....
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 02:20:27 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Yes thanks. I just want to grasp what happened to me...it was so powerfull...because when I read something like = satori (sudden glimpse of reality) or even samadhi (what it says about nirvikalpa samadhi) is that when it's reached ego dissapears and you cannot go back to regaining your ego..
In my case...I do know I am not an ego..but at the same time...I have all the previous ego habits (but now I am aware of them) so the only thing that makes sense for me (with the experience of atman / brahman and getting 1000+ insights is savikalpa samadhi)
But I can still be wrong....also when I would know what exactly it was - than I could get more guidance and even research on my own...
That's why trying to find out for sure.
There are so many confusing gradations like = awakening / self realization / enlightenment
And so much confusion over the internet what is what...guys on youtube talking about enlightenment myths...you can see that some even say that any samadhi is enlightenment / satori = sudden enlightenment and so on... so that's very very confusing. and none of my friends could explain any of that
quote:
Originally posted by Bodhi Tree
Here's a good lesson on the grades of samadhi:
http://www.aypsite.com/248.htmlAnd an excerpt from that lesson:
On grades of samadhi, you know, the Eskimos have many words for snow. Why? Because they see so much of it, and have come to know its many grades of manifestation. Do all these different words for snow mean anything to a Hawaiian? Not much -- not until the Hawaiian goes and lives with the Eskimos for a while. Then the words for snow begin to make sense. Samadhi is like that. When it becomes the common experience, then conversation about the different grades of samadhi begins to make sense. Until then, to study all that is an academic exercise. Does this promote enlightenment? Not really. Well, maybe it can motivate one to do practices. That is the real value of intellectual knowledge -- its ability to inspire action!
Having said that, there are certain traditions that rely on determining the level of samadhi one is experiencing to decide which style of meditation to do. For them, this is very important, and it is to be respected. In AYP we use one style of meditation that covers the full scope of mind from the surface to the silent depths, so making all the samadhi distinctions is not necessary for effective practice. They are "under the hood" as we drive the car of our nervous system along with the easy-to-use meditation controls. It is just the same as chakras, which have been discussed as being "under the hood" in the early lessons (see #47). When we have a simple, effective practice, delving too much into the inner workings can be a distraction.
Edited by - nothingatall on Oct 07 2016 02:26:02 AM
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 06:51:53 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I cannot talk to my teacher - he doesn't live in my country and only comes 1 time per year.
I was practicing basically:
Being mindul and conscious as much as possible during the day.
Was doing Yoga Nidra (didn't like much)
Was doing om mantra = was able to reach Dhyana pretty quickly
Was focusing on my breath / in / out
The main practice for me was = focusing on the feeling of I am...
First i focused on the thought / then the feeling / then when got advanced I focuse on my pure presence
I see you guys mostly doing different kind of practices ( by raising kundalini / opening chakras... and so on)
How does it work? The way I understand whether I wanted or not... that experience was opening some chakra.. maybe crown? Cause even after I came down to regular consciousness = i felt like I am all knowing...as if I had some divine connection to cosmic consiousness
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
What practices are you doing? Can you talk to your teacher?
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 10:11:41 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Nirvikalpa samadhi is considered to be the highest form of samadhi.The Samadhi without thoughts and it's complete dissolution.One can be in this state from hours to days but is not functional.
Sahaja samadhi or as we say Unity in AYP is the highest form of Samadhi to function in this world, abiding in it 24/7 and this is where the magic happens.
Don't waste your time on why how? Experiences happen and sometimes it takes years to put into words what actually happened. This is how it was as here. It will all click in due time and it's not so important. As they say "Flash is trash". Integration of what happened is the most valuable part not the flash.
How are we with our fellow human beings and everything around us is most important. Divine is not somewhere in the transcendence. It is here around you, in you.
There is so much more to experience in the body- divine rapturous ecstasy,joy, contentment, bliss, peace. This path is like peeling an onion layer by layer, step by step. So just focus on grounding for right now. The joyful path is waiting for you and all the tools/directions can be found in AYP. AYP is the best thing that happened to me and it can be the same for you too.
Edited by - sunyata on Oct 07 2016 10:39:14 AM
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Charliedog
1528 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 10:20:11 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Charliedog's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
yes Sunyata
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 10:40:45 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
You see sunyata - the thing is that this experience happened spontaneously... and I am trying to fit pieces...what went wrong / right in my practices....and so If I know for sure that it was savikalpa samadhi / then i could look what should be done to reach Nirvikalpa samadhi
I was reading that once yogis can reach samadhi... they can attain that level with consious activity instead of spontaneous experience that happens on random...
I was practicing so many different sadhanas...and if someone would ask me - hey man how did you reach savikalpa samadhi - i would just say... was practicing all the things that I could get my hands of... but I can't tell you what lead to this experience...
Some people practice for 20+ years and reach no transedental experience at all... I am trying to grasp....my spiritual path from here....
quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Nirvikalpa samadhi is considered to be the highest form of samadhi.The Samadhi without thoughts and it's complete dissolution.One can be in this state from hours to days but is not functional.
Sahaja samadhi or as we say Unity in AYP is the highest form of Samadhi to function in this world, abiding in it 24/7 and this is where the magic happens.
Don't waste your time too much on why how? Experiences happen and sometimes it takes years to put into words what actually happened. This is how it was as here. It will all click in due time and it's not so important. As they say "Flash is trash". Integration of what happened is the most valuable part not the flash.
How are we with our fellow human beings and everything around us is most important. Divine is not somewhere in the transcendence. It is here around you, in you.
There is so much more to experience in the body- divine rapturous ecstasy,joy, contentment, bliss, peace. This path is like peeling an onion layer by layer, step by step. So just focus on grounding for right now. The joyful path is waiting for you and all the tools/directions can be found in AYP. AYP is the best thing that happened to me and it can be the same for you too.
Edited by - nothingatall on Oct 07 2016 10:46:28 AM
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jonesboy
USA
579 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 10:52:41 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit jonesboy's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi nothingatall,
It sounds like you had a very nice opening.
To continue along the path is to not grasp at any one experience or to desire to have more experiences. It is that grasping and desire which will keep you from it.
You had that experience because you were able to let go and just be.. That is the only thing you need to do.. Keep doing what you are doing, continue to let go as things arise and you will find yourself where you want to be.
Remember it is a great experience but with anything good if you go after it, it can also become an attachment just as powerful as the ones that hurt us...
So again, just let go and be.. and you will find that which you seek.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 11:01:52 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
This path is not about getting somewhere. It's of letting go and service.
You had been practicing for 10 years so it's really not spontaneous. The energy can rise through pranayam/breathing exercises or when the mind is quiet through meditation.
If you want to reach Nirvikalpa samadhi the recommendation is twice daily sitting practices.Lessons start here-
http://www.aypsite.com/10.htmlEdited by - sunyata on Oct 07 2016 11:14:49 AM
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 12:24:23 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Nothingatall
It's unclear whether my experience is the same as yours but I think it is similar. If it is possible, I would like to share some comfort with you. About a year ago, my feeling was that I had come to the end of my path. I was literally freaking out. 90% of my energy was committed to the path. No path, no life.
I sort of felt quietly dead. I was miserable and didn't know what to do. The search had been called off because it felt like I finally knew what I was and that was the end of it. I thought I had it all. It also felt like I was going loopy. It might not be enlightenment, I didn't know what it was. All I knew was that my spiritual path had come to an end and I was devastated. Was this enlightenment? How could one tell if one was enlightened or had simply gone mad?
For a while, I no longer cared about enlightenment. If this was enlightenment, it wasn't what I thought it was. It seemed like a cruel joke that wasn't particularly amusing. The whole thing was absurd, ridiculous, and then it became hilarious. I knew I had been a fool and the joke was on me. But I was loosened up enough to laugh at the irony of it all. And for perhaps the first time in my life, I stopped taking myself seriously. The path was a mirage. Was enlightenment a mirage?
Life not only slowed way down, it came to a full stop. My devoted search was over. There was certainly no hurry to get anywhere because there was nowhere to go. I wasn't at all used to that. If you just sit with that and feel it very deeply, it sort of changes you. But I was terrified to be with it. I thought I was losing my ego and losing my mind. In retrospect this is very funny. Even at the time I could see the humor in it. But I wasn't really appreciating the experience. Not until others tried to calm me down.
Members here were very helpful in reorienting my perspective. All I can say to you is: This too shall pass. I can practically guarantee you will be happy to know that you have not reached the end. Not really. Enlightenment is both sudden and ongoing. It really only takes a split second to BE what we are. And in that being, when it is fully recognized, the becoming phase of the path is over. But the being part of the path is just beginning. And it is beyond amazing. Best wishes. I think you have found your true self, but that doesn't mean the path has ended. In a way, it has just begun.
love
parvati
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 12:35:18 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
If you want to read about it, the topic is "Ailing Bhakti and Spiritual Apathy" in the Self Pacing subforum.
love
parvati
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nothingatall
Lithuania
35 Posts
Posted - Oct 07 2016 : 1:06:26 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thanks for response. You see i have business to run and people rely on me.... And I do not care about the business at all.. i was also participating in the public speaking contests in my own language...that has no meaning... and basically all my activities completely stopped... and now i have all the time in the world...very weird feeling....
Its completely opposite of what I have been always - i was the pitbull...who would throw 100% energy and effort towards...aim -
And I had a glimpse of what it would be like - when you reach nirvikalpa samadhi....
I was trying to find what exactly i was experiencing...and the closest that I found is either savikalpa samadhi... or asamprajnata samadhi = when in reality - you switch positions of consiousness - but yet you do not remain in that position.
For instance based on my understanding...when Atman realizes that it is Brahman...and goes into pure bliss = the ego should dissolve automatically....
What happened in my case...is that I was looking from both perspectives.. Ego perspective (omg i do not exist) / atman (wow I am not this body and ego - I am pure consiousness) and then (hold on 1 sec who is aware now of this = I am above all = 1 omnipresent reality and there is nothing else and I am Brahman... at the same time...The experience was ... that i could be there for a long time... and basically I will then never return to the body...like ever....
And then when i regain normal consiousness - first 2 days were the most beautifull...its like I am seeing the world for the 1st time...its so so beautifull, the sounds and everything happening in such a harmony and synchronicity ... i was crying and smiling at the same time...
It would just calm me a bit if someone chime in and say - hey I know what you experienced its X....and your way is Y... just relax
Because right now for some reason - it feels like I am dying...and have 0 motivation towards anything...mind is calm...you guys advice to serve.... but right now there is not even motivation towards that....
I walk in the street and I see those sorrow n sad faces....and I take all of that into me like a sponge....
Can someone explain where is this sadness coming from? I thought it will be all beautiful / love / joy.....
It's not like negative emotions but at the moment feels like apathy towards everything and anything...
quote:
Originally posted by parvati9
Hi Nothingatall
It's unclear whether my experience is the same as yours but I think it is similar. If it is possible, I would like to share some comfort with you. About a year ago, my feeling was that I had come to the end of my path. I was literally freaking out. 90% of my energy was committed to the path. No path, no life.
I sort of felt quietly dead. I was miserable and didn't know what to do. The search had been called off because it felt like I finally knew what I was and that was the end of it. I thought I had it all. It also felt like I was going loopy. It might not be enlightenment, I didn't know what it was. All I knew was that my spiritual path had come to an end and I was devastated. Was this enlightenment? How could one tell if one was enlightened or had simply gone mad?
For a while, I no longer cared about enlightenment. If this was enlightenment, it wasn't what I thought it was. It seemed like a cruel joke that wasn't particularly amusing. The whole thing was absurd, ridiculous, and then it became hilarious. I knew I had been a fool and the joke was on me. But I was loosened up enough to laugh at the irony of it all. And for perhaps the first time in my life, I stopped taking myself seriously. The path was a mirage. Was enlightenment a mirage?
Life not only slowed way down, it came to a full stop. My devoted search was over. There was certainly no hurry to get anywhere because there was nowhere to go. I wasn't at all used to that. If you just sit with that and feel it very deeply, it sort of changes you. But I was terrified to be with it. I thought I was losing my ego and losing my mind. In retrospect this is very funny. Even at the time I could see the humor in it. But I wasn't really appreciating the experience. Not until others tried to calm me down.
Members here were very helpful in reorienting my perspective. All I can say to you is: This too shall pass. I can practically guarantee you will be happy to know that you have not reached the end. Not really. Enlightenment is both sudden and ongoing. It really only takes a split second to BE what we are. And in that being, when it is fully recognized, the becoming phase of the path is over. But the being part of the path is just beginning. And it is beyond amazing. Best wishes. I think you have found your true self, but that doesn't mean the path has ended. In a way, it has just begun.
love
parvati
Edited by - nothingatall on Oct 07 2016 1:22:21 PM
