greymatter
USA
24 Posts
Posted - Dec 16 2015 : 1:59:55 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Topic Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Message Delete Topic
quote:
We all come at different stages of readiness to undertake this unwinding of the ego, as it has been called. In truth, it will not make any sense at all to most of us, until we have tasted the peace of inner silence within us. Then we know there is something more to us than the many props we have used to create our identity in the world the identity that we all know will end as the body decays and dies. As soon as we have glimpsed the eternal within ourselves, it is a whole new ball game. There is something more than the limited and ever-grasping ego. To know it we must make a journey that encompasses heart, mind and body. Nothing less will do.
Hello wonderful ayp community,
I've been practicing AYP deep meditation with spinal breathing pranayama and solo tantra for about 21 months. For the last 3 months very strong energy has been affecting my upper body both during and after meditation. At times this energy is uncomfortable, so I've had to reduce my practice to just 10 minutes of deep meditation with 5 minutes of rest usually just once per day. After 3 months of reduced practice, I continue to feel large amounts of energy clearing blockages in my upper chest, throat, sinuses etc.
Along with increased energy has been lethargy. I've been sleeping for 10-12 hours per night. I've felt less concerned about daily life. My apartment is a mess and my university grades have slipped a little. When I feel anxious or nervous about anything, my automatic response is to witness myself feeling nervous and let it happen. As a result, I've been more self centered and less concerned with people's perception of me including my perception of myself.
At the same time. I can feel something stirring in me that doesn't accept dispassion. It wants me to have values and goals and be a productive member of society. As my yoga practices continue and I feel this sense of integrity, dispassion has to work harder to dissolve the fears and anxieties that I'm not fulfilling myself.
From what I've read about the 'stages of enlightenment' feelings of dispassion and passion are commonly associated with long term meditation. I know the dispassion has a purpose and is a part of a process of expansion within me. I hope eventually I can find a middle ground where I can work toward fulfillment without uncomfortable feelings of self criticism. Right now it feels like I'm withdrawing myself from daily life and that it is necessary or automatic for me to do so.
My question is whether dispassion is healthy at all. Can it be explained by attributing it to a larger process of expansion or should I find some way of working toward overcoming dispassion? I have a vision of myself working toward something valuable, but I also feel intuitively that goals and visions of the future are meaningless projections that have no control over my actual experiences. There are opposite energies at play within me. Feelings of passion are trying to light a fire under my life but dispassion is dampening the flames.
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1486 Posts
Posted - Dec 16 2015 : 2:38:06 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hello Greymatter
You've been making some very good progress with your practice and you're doing well on self-pacing too.
quote:
Originally posted by greymatter
I know the dispassion has a purpose and is a part of a process of expansion within me. I hope eventually I can find a middle ground where I can work toward fulfillment without uncomfortable feelings of self criticism.
You will find that balance. This issue of dispassion vs. working toward fulfillment will look different as you progress with your practice. It is closely related to self-perception (you know that 'Who am I?' question) and the level of inner silence you're reached. I don't know if there is much point trying very hard to answer it today at rational/conceptual level. In a year or two you may see things very differently and the conflict could simply vanish. I'd say go with the flow, be who you are today and just continue with your practice and sensible self-pacing as you have been doing.
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SeySorciere
Seychelles
1151 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 02:29:19 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Dear Greymatter,
Dispassion is not a "don't bother to do", it is a "do and let go".
Sey
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So-Hi
USA
481 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 08:24:49 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
In this phase of your development you are seeing opposites Passion and Dispassion.
In time these will cease to be as they blend and become whole then you will simply know what to do. When this happens you will have satisfaction in every moment and be able to bring the future into being by simply doing the next right thing in every moment. Plan, Execute Action, Reflect, Repeat. Such is life and you will not be made unbalanced by success nor disturbed by loss. That is not to say you will go for failure just the opposite.
When these two blend and become whole then you will be working more from intuition. The time this takes is variable with the individual. Continuing your practices and self pacing without getting in a hurry is the swiftest route.
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 08:46:08 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by SeySorciere
Dear Greymatter,
Dispassion is not a "don't bother to do", it is a "do and let go".
Sey
Well said ..
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parvati9
USA
587 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 09:21:45 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Greymatter
You may find this discussion of interest:
https://www.aypsite.com/forum/index.php?topic=17174.msg148474#msg148474love
parvati
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lalow33
USA
945 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 09:47:02 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I do not think this is dispassion, not as Yogani defines it. What you are going through is quite common. It'll play itself out then you'll find a spark that brings you back out into the world. Don't worry.
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1486 Posts
Posted - Dec 17 2015 : 1:24:57 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I too think it's important to remember it's a transition phase - our motives change as we grow on the path. The things that we 'bother to do' may be different, or we may do the same things as before but for different reasons. In the meantime you need to keep the show on the road, that's why it's important to self-pace.
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siddhi
India
8 Posts
Posted - Mar 09 2016 : 07:18:09 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thank you for your nice information it will really help ful
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts
Posted - Apr 20 2016 : 02:10:59 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Radharani's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I agree with Sey re: dispassion. Regardless, these feelings come and go like the tide. When you are firmly situated in the stillness of the deep water, you will not be disturbed by the passing waves. Continue on with the practice and living daily life as normal.
