Hi all and thanks for reading.
Well, I don't know if this is kundalini, but it certainly is energy. I also wrote about this scatterly in some threads but decided to open a new thread just on this.
For some years now I've been experiencing several symptoms (physical, emotional, etc.) that I clearly associate with energy movements in, and around, the body. I started reading on bionergetics and that was the only thing, then, that came close to explaining my symptoms. Then I read about kundalini and I got a little closer. Still I avoid calling this kundalini as I had very little of the common "flashes" nor none of the visualisations of "liquid fire" or just "fire". Still, the things that happen to me are weird enough for me to have to pay attention.
To spare you of confusing details of symptomotology I can focus on one aspect that is quite constant in me - that of feelings of energy
pumping or moving through my body - and hope you might have some idea of what the best remedies to manage this would be.
Before starting AYP (more than 9 months ago) I was really tired and depressed from all the energy movements inside me that I had been experiencing for years. Then, as a matter of despair and because I have started reading about meditation and yoga, I decided to just sit crossed legged and be still with my eyes closed. What happened next was at the same time frightening but also a proof that something beyond me was happening.
As I sat there with eyes closed and spin erect and allowing things to unfold (as I felt what I then could only describe as a "sea storm inside") I realised I started to spiral in a cicular motion. Sometimes that spiraling was so intense that it almost brought my head to the ground (and would do if I'd let it!). I hope you can understand my english now. My torso would oscillate in a clockwise or counter-clockwise manner. Other times it would just bounce back and forth or sideways. This was suprising to me at the time because it was nothing of my doing, it was doing everything "itself"! It was the first time I was perfectly conscious of an "inteligent force" inside me that was not governed by myself in any way. AYP calls it automatic yoga I believe.
Now, as I started AYP deep meditation I noticed that the oscillated became much smoother or would not occur at all. I attribute this to the centering effect of meditation. On the other hand I still feel energies inside me but they seem to be more "tamed" or "canneled". Also, they changed their quality somehow - they now occur more in "pulses" (a "pumping" feeling, like a heart pumping) or "waves", both within the body, but often (especially the waves) both within AND around my body, as if "washing" me. Usually the currents run from the bottom of the body upwards.
I wonder what my next steps should be. I doubt this is a full blown kundalini but, because I suffered so much because of these energies in the past already, I am afraid of any full blown awakening. I also don't seem to have very good visualisation skills because I see nothing inside myself, no lights, colours, sounds, or spinal nerve, etc.
Other problems I have is obstruction in the neck/head area (lite chin pump and spinal breathing help a little slowly, but still feels like I am trying to blow out a thick dam by pumping water! - in short, feels unhealthy).
At the moment my routine is 10min DM with 5min rest. Adding anything else becomes uncomfortable. Even still, at times (like now) I have to go from using the mantra to just being aware and using the breath, as the mantra stirs energies too much. This type of meditation has a somehow calming effect but I don't evolve much by doing just this, I think.
Any advice? Especially on how to strenghten myself as to be ready for more energy flow? Basically, in me, anything that stirs energy (like pranayama or even physical exercise or even, sometimes, full blown laughter!) feels unconfortable, like I am going to faint or something (maybe the neck-head constriction here). I did many medical exams and all seems to be ok except for high bilirubin (liver by-product) but the doctors say that this can be a temporary condition due to stress or other factors. I still want to check my head as I noticed uncommon pressure there and could be that I have something there, just to rule any medical condition. That, too, would explain a lot. But, for the moment, any advice on how to maintain balance and enhance strength of body from the spiritual/holistic side of things would be wonderful. Hope you got an idea of my "condition" and sorry for the long post!
