Hello again Iced.
I think you should really pay attention to the exact sort of messages you are writing. Every time I see you post you are describing the disasterous state you find yourself in.
Go through every topic you've put on this forum and look at the tone of each one. If you pay attention you'll realize exactly why you find yourself in such a state.
This may be hard to believe, but you are doing this to yourself. You have brought this to yourself. Everything that is occuring at this moment is a result of your own will. The yogic practices you were doing have resulted in a tremendous emergence of energy within your body.
You have actually accomplished what you set out to do. You want this. Trust that what you've done and accomplished is exactly right.
Love it
Your thoughts, your emotions, are the form in which energy takes as translated by the mind. When you transform that energy into anxiety, pain, and frustration that is what you will feel. However, it is just as easy to transform that energy into balance, harmony, and joy. It is surprisingly easy. It is so easy it is possibly the most difficult thing I've ever had to learn.
These catastrophic emotions are repressed parts of your psyche which are being forcibly expressed, mainly because it was your desire to be rid of them. For the first few months after my first Kundalini arousal I found myself spending days where I could not get out of bed crying because years of traumatic emotions which I had held onto were being released.
The reason that these emotions are so devestating is because they are a large part of what the ego (your ego) uses to create an (false)identity for itself. You're spirit is now telling you that they are infact not part of you at all. You're lower self is being dissolved. This will hurt as long as you resist the process. How much pain you experience, and how long it lasts is entirely up to you.
I've seen you list about a dozens sources outside of yourself which are supposed to help you. As long as you believe that you are in a nightmare everything you experience will be nightmarish. Outer peace begins with inner peace. There is no outer solution.
You are this energy. Why are you so intent upon causing yourself pain?
If you can take one thing with you remember this is a good thing.
You are amazingly blessed because one day you will realize that all your life you have created every circumstance you ever ever experienced. All your joy, all your pain has been your own creation. You are a being of unlimited potential. Pleasure or pain, it is your choice. You need to train yourself to believe this. Think of this as the equivalent of the birth pangs of your spiritual body.
Namaste my friend. You'll do fine, you are fine. Be thankful that in reality, you are in a beautiful country with an entirely new world of possibilities opened to you.
(Thank God for The Secret)
