lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 06 2017 : 11:19:18 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Topic Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Message Delete Topic
So, I left my husband today. He has called me slut, bad mom, and every type of degenerative. So... who knows?
I'm not calling him names.
Edited by - lalow33 on Dec 06 2017 11:21:55 PM
jusmail
India
454 Posts
Posted - Dec 07 2017 : 02:49:40 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Oh dear!
Love
Strength
Wisdom
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Dec 07 2017 : 09:08:08 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
So sorry,Lalow. Stay strong.
Much Love.
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Bodhi Tree
2972 Posts
Posted - Dec 07 2017 : 10:27:52 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Bodhi Tree's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Wishing you the best as you navigate this territory, Lalow.
Love to you.
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Blanche
USA
543 Posts
Posted - Dec 08 2017 : 06:48:41 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Blanche's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Often people's words and actions reflect their inner state rather than ours. That is, your husband's words say more about him than about you. When we take care and respect ourselves, we take care and respect everyone else.
Strength Wisdom Love to you, Lalow
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Charliedog
1528 Posts
Posted - Dec 08 2017 : 07:33:14 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Charliedog's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Love to you Lalow
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Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Dec 08 2017 : 6:05:52 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
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Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Dec 11 2017 : 01:13:17 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Strength, love, prayers to you Lalow. Your AYP community is standing w you
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 11 2017 : 2:15:20 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
So, I realized that my youngest was wearing the same clothes to school, his backpack broke. So I felt terrible and came back. A day gone and everything goes to crap.
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dv2014
USA
91 Posts
Posted - Dec 11 2017 : 4:26:02 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
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Blanche
USA
543 Posts
Posted - Dec 12 2017 : 06:56:40 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Blanche's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Lalow,
I think you made a point. And you are a good mother, if you are willing to go back to take care of your child.
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Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Dec 12 2017 : 10:52:33 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Your husband needs to check his tongue, but that's his problem, watch his words dribble down his chin and the front of his shirt, his mess not yours. Bravo for attending to your kid, and being there and showing him there is strength in measured words.
Edited by - Dogboy on Dec 12 2017 10:52:59 PM
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 25 2017 : 11:14:26 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Boundaries. I've set them. My oldest son is now acting like my hubby towards me. I'm grounding him.
What a weird life! I've sacrificed so much to have a nice family, but it didn't turn out like I thought.
If I ever thought we were all one, I'm smacked in the face with real life, which disagrees with all that.
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jusmail
India
454 Posts
Posted - Dec 26 2017 : 07:17:59 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
"I'm grounding him."
Is it the same as in "grinding to bits" or the AYP grounding that we have in our jargon?
Any way, wishing you the very best now and in 2018
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BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1462 Posts
Posted - Dec 26 2017 : 10:56:28 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by jusmail
"I'm grounding him."
Is it the same as in "grinding to bits"
Good one!
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
If I ever thought we were all one, I'm smacked in the face with real life
If they weren't all you, Lalow, would their deeds and words hurt you as much as they do? Doesn't the very pain prove there is no boundary?
Life rarely turns out the way we think. You are doing as much as everyone can, which is doing your best in the circumstances.
Wishing you peace
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts
Posted - Dec 27 2017 : 6:42:44 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
i worship my wife as kali when it's that time of the month and she starts becoming frustrated and destructive . marriage isnt suppose to be easy. unless he is a physical threat and that can vary in degrees that should be the only time to leave. him granted this is my opinion and u lknow its no better than anyone elses. i wouldnt leave my wife for anything. i know a normal man cant handle kali she needs a yogi
edit: shes totally into it too. she loves me dressing up like shiva covered with rudra beads worshiping her at her feet. she doesnt think its weird one bit and i go into spritual xtc and samadhi by worshipping her as the holy mother. it has helped bring samadhi down into waking life. surrender plays a big part. i empty myself as completely as i can while i worship her.
Edited by - adishivayogi on Dec 27 2017 8:21:30 PM
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jusmail
India
454 Posts
Posted - Dec 27 2017 : 7:23:49 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Nice perspective, Yogi
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts
Posted - Dec 27 2017 : 8:13:22 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
the key to a happy marriage is understanding and compassion. get to know your husband. all action comes from god. if you knew him you might see his actions come from love.but through his mind they become distorted. i see this in my wife. i see this in myself. my wife loves so much but shes also been the source of much destruction. i know she is kali. i even invoked kali a year prior to meeting my wife. i begged her to enter into my life and destroy me. and she did. but now im married to a goddess and shes shown me how to make myself small and to surrender my will or she might freak out and burn the house down. its a little extreme, but ah, im the kinda yogi who needs that chaos. so please maybe you shuldnt limit yourself to my opinion. actually please dont. lol idk. diovrce hurts though. if it's what you want just trust all is well. make everything practise. i love having to let go of things. i let go of my wife, and when i did i realized something hehe. now we're happily married
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 28 2017 : 5:45:59 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by adishivayogi
the key to a happy marriage is understanding and compassion. get to know your husband. all action comes from god. if you knew him you might see his actions come from love.but through his mind they become distorted. i see this in my wife. i see this in myself. my wife loves so much but shes also been the source of much destruction. i know she is kali. i even invoked kali a year prior to meeting my wife. i begged her to enter into my life and destroy me. and she did. but now im married to a goddess and shes shown me how to make myself small and to surrender my will or she might freak out and burn the house down. its a little extreme, but ah, im the kinda yogi who needs that chaos. so please maybe you shuldnt limit yourself to my opinion. actually please dont. lol idk. diovrce hurts though. if it's what you want just trust all is well. make everything practise. i love having to let go of things. i let go of my wife, and when i did i realized something hehe. now we're happily married
That's how I used to think as well. That I should be okay with everything. After umpteen years of yoga, I'm still not.
I've been with my hubby for 22 years. I was very happy for at least 15 of those. If you are newly married, I probably won't take one bit of your advice, not that it may not be correct, just that you don't really understand.
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 28 2017 : 5:58:21 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
P.S. It's actually a weird surrender as I'm not putting up with stuff, while I'm voicing my discomfort. I didn't used to do that.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Dec 28 2017 : 11:17:16 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi lalow,
I'm not a relationship expert but these are the few things I've heard from some wise souls.
In long term relationships the first few years(the honeymoon stage) is all about love. After that it's 80-90% yoga and 20-10% love. Then during the later years, it comes back full circle to more love and less yoga. I'm sure the fruits of this tapas (spiritual practice) is very sweet. I've witnessed this around me. Or I've seen couples go their separate ways after the kids are out of the house. In this case, the Karmic relationship is probably over.
We really don't need yoga during good times. It's when times get hard, the practices come in handy. It's definitely not easy but a lot of growth/polishing happens when we continue taking steps for the benefit of all residing in Stillness. It takes a lot of strength, courage to stay. It's very easy to walk away. And, reading from your post you are doing an excellent job. The embodiment of the Divine Feminine/Goddess that you are. Being selfless and serving your kids is the highest spiritual practice of all.
Much Love & Hugs.
Edited by - sunyata on Dec 28 2017 11:31:54 PM
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 12:34:10 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
quote:
Originally posted by adishivayogi
the key to a happy marriage is understanding and compassion. get to know your husband. all action comes from god. if you knew him you might see his actions come from love.but through his mind they become distorted. i see this in my wife. i see this in myself. my wife loves so much but shes also been the source of much destruction. i know she is kali. i even invoked kali a year prior to meeting my wife. i begged her to enter into my life and destroy me. and she did. but now im married to a goddess and shes shown me how to make myself small and to surrender my will or she might freak out and burn the house down. its a little extreme, but ah, im the kinda yogi who needs that chaos. so please maybe you shuldnt limit yourself to my opinion. actually please dont. lol idk. diovrce hurts though. if it's what you want just trust all is well. make everything practise. i love having to let go of things. i let go of my wife, and when i did i realized something hehe. now we're happily married
That's how I used to think as well. That I should be okay with everything. After umpteen years of yoga, I'm still not.
I've been with my hubby for 22 years. I was very happy for at least 15 of those. If you are newly married, I probably won't take one bit of your advice, not that it may not be correct, just that you don't really understand.
5 years. but that doesnt mean anything. im not the guy who can remain miserable. my marriage was the source of much much pain addictions abuse. it was my decent into hell, my dark hour. if it wasnt for my marriage the fruition of my kriya practice may have never been realized. sometimes it appear we are off the path, meanwhile kriya is working. before i strived to be okay with everything. i tried to meditate, i had wonderful worthless experiences..telling me i was going in the direction. you have to let go of everything and knw yourself. then you will know husband
it takes some decades to perform kechari others months. ive seen guys have surgeries to remove their tongues tether and then ive seen 12 year girl perform it on theirr first attempt. dont mistake your 22 years as proof of anything. if youre husband is a lay man then things can only reach a certain level of instensity and knowing. he can only make himself as small as his ego allows. your a woman. i wont say make yourself small for a man. yes it would work, but i wont tell you to do that. social dynamics prevent me
Edited by - adishivayogi on Dec 30 2017 1:06:11 PM
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 12:41:18 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by sunyata
Hi lalow,
I'm not a relationship expert but these are the few things I've heard from some wise souls.
In long term relationships the first few years(the honeymoon stage) is all about love. After that it's 80-90% yoga and 20-10% love. Then during the later years, it comes back full circle to more love and less yoga. I'm sure the fruits of this tapas (spiritual practice) is very sweet. I've witnessed this around me. Or I've seen couples go their separate ways after the kids are out of the house. In this case, the Karmic relationship is probably over.
We really don't need yoga during good times. It's when times get hard, the practices come in handy. It's definitely not easy but a lot of growth/polishing happens when we continue taking steps for the benefit of all residing in Stillness. It takes a lot of strength, courage to stay. It's very easy to walk away. And, reading from your post you are doing an excellent job. The embodiment of the Divine Feminine/Goddess that you are. Being selfless and serving your kids is the highest spiritual practice of all.
Much Love & Hugs.
It takes yoga to be a mother. being a mother is the yoga itself . being a GOOD husband takes enormous amounts of sadhana. kriya is an airplane to god. if you allow your wife she can transport you to god instantously. it is a form of bhakti. you must worship her. it is harder for a woman to make her husband the object of her devotion i believe. maybe not for the spiritual elite amongst them. but still. its far easier for them to make their children more than themselves
Edited by - adishivayogi on Dec 30 2017 8:01:40 PM
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 8:47:21 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
What I was trying to say to you that I thought along the same lines as you up until a few years ago. At my point, it's best to be real even from an unawakened state. I'm not tucking anything away 'cause I can't lie to myself much anymore. Energy awakening took care of that.
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sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 9:09:03 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Hi Lalow,
When we see through our delusions and become vulnerable and accept our pain. A door opens in the form of clarity and we can take steps from this place.
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adishivayogi
USA
197 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 10:33:05 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
What I was trying to say to you that I thought along the same lines as you up until a few years ago. At my point, it's best to be real even from an unawakened state. I'm not tucking anything away 'cause I can't lie to myself much anymore. Energy awakening took care of that.
thats good. you know what you need to do at some depth. i dont. give your worries to god let him solve them. im well aware i may not always be married to my life. i choose not to put my focus there. i value the attachment i have. we need some strings
and with that said i cant imagine what its like to be married to a man as a woman. so i know there are severe limitations on my perspective. a woman to me serves a large role in a male householder's path. but i think your marriage would be a lot happier if your husband was the worship my wife as my mother kind of guy. my conditioning leads me to the conclusion its a mans duty to make the most out of his marriage. value and love your children. that is a great yoga being a mother. i see my mothers and fathers marriage and while theyve cooled down a lot with old age. i know my mom only stayed for the kids. thats yoga. im sorry youve taught me a lot thank you
Edited by - adishivayogi on Dec 30 2017 10:38:48 PM
lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 30 2017 : 11:50:18 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I'm glad you are still here. Haven't heard from you in a while. Keep going!
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 31 2017 : 02:47:27 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I wrote a whole poem to dogboy. It had bad words. He would have loved it. It wouldn't have been approved.
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Dec 31 2017 : 02:55:20 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Bliss is approved, but problems are a problem of the person, which it's all person problems. Nothingness, which I keep going back to, well no problems there. But it's a big split. It's a super big split from what's happening in front of me.
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Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Dec 31 2017 : 2:16:57 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts
Posted - Mar 21 2018 : 02:36:08 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Radharani's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
If I may offer my 2 cents here: relationships suck! They are very difficult. That's why C.S. Lewis said God uses relationships to "wear off our rough edges" when there is friction. The celibate life is so much easier.
There are times when I want to run away from home, but where would I go? And who would take care of the animals and my partner? He is a good, kind, spiritual man, a natural yogi, and we love each other greatly. Our spiritual life is awesome, but we struggle to keep a roof over our heads. He has ASD, for which he self-medicates with alcohol, and massive child support, legal and medical debts, and cannot hold down a decent job, primarily due to ASD and "communication breakdowns" with bosses and coworkers. His family has continual drama and they hate me for some reason; allegedly, I "took all of his [nonexistent] money," while in fact I've been supporting us the last 13 years. Had I known the baggage he was carrying when we first got together, we would have been monogamous tantric lovers but not domestic partners with our finances entangled... Isn't hindsight wonderful?!
As for the idea of "staying together for the sake of the kids," as a counselor I want to caution that it's not always the best thing, especially when there is a lot of hostility between the parents. When mom and dad are unhappy, hostile, abusive and at each others' throats, even small children can pick up on that energy. It gives them an unhealthy view of relationships and marriage. Martyrdom - sacrificing your own happiness by remaining in a miserable marriage - will win you praise but may not be in the best interest of anyone involved, including the kids. In a toxic marriage that doesn't improve with family therapy, sometimes moms and dads can be better parents by not staying married. I have clients in both situations.
Ultimately, you know what is best for you and your family. The rest of us can only support you in your decisions and be here for you during hard times. Much Love to you.
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lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Mar 21 2018 : 11:07:09 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Jamie,
You are awesome. Lots of love.
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts
Posted - Mar 22 2018 : 02:25:25 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Radharani's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by lalow33
Jamie,
You are awesome. Lots of love.
Right back at ya dear.
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capucine
France
63 Posts
Posted - Mar 23 2018 : 06:44:24 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
I agree 1000% with Radharani. Lalow, I don?t know your story, situation etc. I speak here just from my story.
When I was very young my parents stayed together, but they were very unhappy and finished to divorce. I had some illness in relationship with these situation, just picked up this bad energy even I didn?t really understand the situation. Today, I always have some health aftermaths.
From my experience, don?t think to stay with your husband without love (even without quarrels in front of your children) is good for your children. 100% wrong, I lived it. It?s not good for them. Bad energy is here.
I don?t know if you do that, but don?t say to your children that their father is bad and that they have to hate him. It?s better to let them have their own think/opinion/judgement. Even if you are not agree with them.
Explain them the situation clearly.
Good luck.
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Dennis
USA
83 Posts
Posted - Mar 24 2018 : 01:18:48 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Dr Phil said it's better for children to be from a broken home than in a broken home.
Good advice.
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Radharani
USA
843 Posts
Posted - Mar 24 2018 : 01:24:16 AM Show Profile Email Poster Visit Radharani's Homepage Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
quote:
Originally posted by Dennis
Dr Phil said it's better for children to be from a broken home than in a broken home.
Good advice.
I'm not a fan of Dr. Phil but I totally agree with him on this.
