Now that we have given the man the primary tools that will enable him to
work toward having a strong role in tantric sexual relations, let's talk about
the role of the woman.
The woman is everything in tantric sex, and in all of life. She is the divine
goddess. Everything we see and everything we do is born of the divine feminine.
That is why, in this world, she is called "Mother Nature." It is the divine
feminine that attracts the masculine seed of pure bliss consciousness and
manifests all. The cosmos and everything in it is born from Her.
When a man and woman engage in sexual relations, it is a microcosm of this great
divine process. In tantric sex involving accomplished partners, it begins as a
microcosm and rises toward the cosmic joining of the masculine seed and feminine
womb. This joining occurs in both the man and the woman. This expanding ecstatic
event fulfills itself inside each of the partners as they engage in tantric sex
together, and also as each does their sitting advanced yoga practices in their
meditation room. This joining of masculine and feminine energies occurs in many
ways. It threads its way through all of our advanced yoga practices -
meditation, spinal breathing, bandhas, mudras, asanas and so on. Everything in
yoga is about this spiritual joining that occurs on every level in the nervous
system.
So, when a man and woman come together in tantric sex, this is the beginning of
something much bigger in both of them, reaching far beyond the bodies present on
the bed. The man's role is seed, whether he is giving it physically or not. If
he does not give it physically, it is cultivated up in both partners
spiritually.
The woman's role is divine goddess, the flower garden of bliss. She calls the
seed from the man. If it does not come physically, it comes up and fertilizes
from within both partners spiritually. The more she calls, the more the
fertilizing will happen. If not physically, then spiritually. She is the
inspiration of both physical and spiritual fertilization. This is the essence of
the woman's role in tantric sex. She is the temptress of the physical seed, and
the temptress of the spiritual seed. If the physical seed does not come, the
spiritual seed will. Her lovely divine bliss and waves of beauty will bring the
seed out. If the man is able to hold the physical seed back, then the spiritual
seed rises in both the man and the woman, and this is the internal joining of
masculine and feminine energies in both tantric partners.
Tantric sex is about that - about stimulating the internal divine union in both
partners. It is the same purpose that is found in all advanced yoga practices.
If both partners in tantric sex have been doing advanced yoga practices daily on
their own, then there will be much purification in their nervous systems
already, and tantric sex will be much more effective. The sexual essences will
rise and penetrate their nervous systems deeply, and the experience will be like
the deepest meditation, rich in pure silence, ecstatic bliss and overflowing
with love. This will carry over into daily activity and the regular routine of
spiritual practices. So tantric sex can have this very positive and profound
effect in life. For people who are sexually active, this is the beautiful silver
lining in the dark cloud that sex can sometimes hang over spiritual life.
It takes discipline to get to such a wonderful stage of lovemaking. We talked
about the challenges the man faces in learning to become the master of his
semen, and what methods he can use. What can the woman do to help this evolution
toward tantric sexual relations?
Obviously, her first responsibility is to understand the process of
transformation to tantric sexual relations - understanding that it involves
cultivating a change in the man's orgasmic response, and that this is not an
overnight change. Her partner may not understand this at the start. She has the
ability to educate him. Before a divine goddess will be able to engage in
tantric sexual relations she may find herself becoming a teacher, a tantric
priestess, if you will. This can be very helpful to a man trying to understand
his sexuality. But she can only do so much, for it is he who must take up the
challenge. A tantric woman cannot do the holdback method for a man. It won't
work if he is not committed to take the lead for the benefit of both partners.
If the woman takes the lead in the holdback method, it produces the same kind of
escalating arousal in the man that occurs in the woman when the man is in the
lead. The holdback method with the woman in the lead is not going to give the
man the recharging of his staying power. Just the opposite. But, if a man
chooses to take the lead in the holdback method, the woman can help by assisting
him in taking the pauses necessary to recharge his staying power. She can
refrain from egging him on too much in the sensitive early stages of tantric
sex. She can remind him about what they are doing in tantric sex if he is
wavering. This requires self-discipline in the woman, because instinctively she
wants the semen inside her yoni, just as instinctively he wants to release it in
her. If the man is consciously trying to practice the holdback method, the woman
can help. In the beginning it will be challenging for both partners, like
tiptoeing through a minefield. With persistence and practice by both the man and
the woman, the sexual relations can be gradually changed to something much more.
In intimate relations where the woman is present while the man is masturbating,
or if she is stimulating his lingam by means other than intercourse, she can
help as he cultivates his staying power through cycles of stimulation and
pauses. She can also learn to perform the ejaculation blocking method on her
partner in such situations, though, if it gets to that point very often, her
presence may be providing more stimulation than is necessary for his training
purposes. So, there is a question whether having the woman present while the man
is doing self-training is a good idea. Nevertheless, if it is the nature of the
relations between a man and woman to be together intimately like that, then it
is certainly good for the woman to know the methods the man is working with, and
to help him apply them as much as possible. It is in the best interest of both
partners, and yoga, if the man continues to improve his staying power, whatever
the sexual situation may be. If she is aware of the process, there will always
be opportunities for her to help him. This could be as simple as giving him the
time necessary to do self-training alone.
So, just as it is a challenging period of adjustment for the man in the
beginning stages of tantric sexual relations, it can be challenging for the
woman too. While he is working to build staying power in front of orgasm, she
may be curbing her natural abilities to draw the semen from him. It is a
transition period that both the man and woman will go through - a time of
training and readjustment.
As the man gradually comes into his own as the master of his seed, things will
change. This is when the woman, our divine goddess, can really shine in all her
beauty and glory. Then she can fully bloom as the beautiful lovemaker she is by
nature. For when the man can manage his semen, lovemaking becomes an act of
sexual equals, rather than the one-way flow of semen from man to woman that was
the case before the transition to tantric sexual relations. Once the stage of
self-sufficiency of staying power in the man is reached, then cultivation of
sexual energy can proceed much more actively, creatively and blissfully.
It should be mentioned that as a man becomes proficient in using the holdback
method, it becomes possible for the woman to be stimulated to "multiple
orgasms." Having multiple orgasms is a natural capability in the woman. It
assures that no matter what happens, she will still be soliciting the semen from
her partner, and enjoying every minute of it. Is feminine orgasm a regenerative
process, a yogic process, and are multiple orgasms spiritually healthy for
women? There is some loss of prana in feminine orgasm, and some loss of ability
to climb to successively higher levels of divine ecstasy as a woman has multiple
orgasms in tantric sex. Clearly, feminine orgasm is much less of a pranic drain
than masculine orgasm is. But are multiple orgasms in the woman part of tantric
sex? Perhaps many feminine orgasms will eventually add up to the same pranic
loss as one masculine orgasm. Maybe it is a stage the woman must go through when
she finds herself with access to unlimited orgasms through the holdback method.
Then, perhaps after a period of time, she will settle into preorgasmic sex with
her partner with his cooperation and loving help. It is in her best interest
spiritually to do so, just as it is the man's best interest to stay in front of
his orgasm. So the pendulum can swing back and tantric lovemaking can evolve to
become a means for both partners to stay in front of their orgasm, climbing the
stairway to heaven together - higher, higher, higher...
In advanced tantric sex, the woman's role can flower fully to the natural and
powerful coaxing of the seed that is her gift in sexual relations. No longer
does she have to be so concerned about her partner developing his staying power.
He has done it already. Of course, she remains mindful of the principles of
tantra, making sure they are being applied. If her partner is in principle,
preserving and cultivating sexual energy, the woman can use every means she has
to draw the seed out. He will know how to dance with her while preserving the
semen within himself. This balance enables the two lovers to dance the night
away, climbing the stairway of ecstasy in a delightful and natural fashion. It
is all about lovemaking then - tantric lovemaking that leads them higher and
higher as the cultivation of sexual essences goes upward within them.
Under these circumstances, the woman may find herself becoming motivated to
strengthen her sexual charms with kegel exercises and other means that will
enhance her abilities to stimulate her partner in tantric sexual relations. So,
for the sexually active woman, enhancing her already formidable sexual
capabilities may become more important as she enters into more advanced tantric
sexual relations.
On the other hand, for tantric lovers who have been at it a long time, it can
take another course. As progress in advanced yoga practices and tantric sexual
relations reach maturity, the lovemaking never stops inside the two partners.
Then, a glance, a smile, a touch, a kiss, a hug, is all it takes to keep the
divine lovemaking moving inside. Then the partners may join in tantric sex only
occasionally. Or maybe never. Ramakrishna was a married man, but it is believed
he never made love physically to his wife. Instead, they worshipped each other
as incarnations of the divine masculine and the divine feminine.
Whatever the style of lovemaking turns out to be in the end, advanced tantric
sex is a very free state of relationship that is consistent with the spiritual
goals of Advanced Yoga Practices.
Before the state of advanced tantric sexual relations is achieved, there is an
imbalance between the man and the woman that exists for the purpose of
reproduction and the survival of the species. Before tantra comes in, sex is
primordial, concerned only with assuring reproduction. After tantra comes in,
sex becomes spiritualized to a higher state that is concerned with both
reproduction, and the joining of pure bliss consciousness (the seed) and divine
ecstasy (the womb).
The inherent imbalance in non-tantric sexual relations is at the root of the
difficulties that have existed in the relationship between men and women for
thousands of years. When men feel inferior sexually to woman (which they are
before learning tantric methods) they tend to try and compensate by dominating
women in other ways - trying to control their huge feminine sexual power. This
is one reason why women have been held down in many societies over the
centuries. Men harbor a deep subconscious fear of women. Men are not
fundamentally to blame for this, and neither are women. It is a phenomenon that
has its roots in immature biological and neurological processes. As the
processes of the nervous system evolve to a higher level of functioning, more
equality in sexual relations arises, and the subconscious fears and aggressions
gradually disappear. This will be one of the fringe benefits of this new age of
enlightenment - a balancing of the sexual energies that flow between men and
women. There will be more honor, more integrity, more respect and much more
love. Women will receive much more of the deep reverence they deserve. It is
happening already.
Shiva and Shakti are neither superior nor inferior to each other. Both are equal
polarities joining everywhere in the great expanse of life reaching from
unmanifest pure bliss consciousness to the heights of divine ecstasy throughout
creation. Through the union of these two polar energies, the birth of Oneness is
occurring in us, and everywhere. When we directly experience the polarity of
every atom as an ecstatic union of the omnipresent divine lovers, then we know
the truth about life. We know that it is all bliss, all love, all Oneness.
The woman's role in this is on every level of existence - from the beautiful
feminine being sitting in front of her man, to the dynamic force of creation
constantly coaxing every atom in the cosmos outward in its ongoing existence.
What we see everywhere is the divine goddess at play, and that is the woman's
role in tantra.
The guru is in you.
Addition T7.1 - Are the AYP Tantra Techniques Suitable for Women? (Audio) Mar 5, 2018
Q: Given that the AYP Tantra
Lessons have been written by a man, have they or will they be expanded to be
more suitable for women as well? It seems that input from the point of view
of women practitioners would be essential to make the lessons complete. Can
you shed some light on this important question?
Thank you.
A: The core principles and
methods of tantric sex apply to both
women and men. That is, the role of sexual energy in the rise of ecstatic
conductivity and radiance (kundalini), and the means for supporting and
stimulating that energetic transformation, in addition to a routine of daily
yoga practices including deep meditation, spinal breathing pranayama,
asanas, etc.
The primary means for supporting the energetic
transformation in tantric sexual relations is in the preservation and
cultivation of sexual energy, i.e., maintaining arousal in front of orgasm,
as introduced in Lesson T4 on the "holdback method."
While that lesson may appear to be more male oriented, it applies equally to
both women and men. One only need review the writings of female tantrikas
like Margo Anand to verify that this is so, and also from the female
practitioner's own experience in working with the holdback method either in
relations with a partner, or solo. The positive results will become clear
soon enough.
So, while it is true that the tantra lessons
have been written by a man, the underlying principles of tantric sex apply
equally to both genders, and this has been demonstrated through the long
term practice of many women.
It should be pointed out that, when first
undertaken back in 2003, The AYP tantra lessons, and indeed all the AYP
lessons, were based on my own experience as it had evolved over some 35
years up to that point, including heterosexual marital relations, raising a
family, having a career, etc. In our case, tantric relations evolved
naturally in abiding inner silence along the lines described in these tantra lessons. As
thousands have come to use the AYP lessons since 2003, a great deal of
discussion and feedback have occurred. Much of this feedback has been
incorporated in the lessons in the form of Q&As, including in the tantra
lessons. Many variations on experience ended up being covered, and continue
to be covered.
An important aspect of the updates in the tantra
lessons has included taking into account anatomical, neurobiological and
other unique aspects of female yoga/tantra practitioners.
The above Lesson T7 set
the stage early on in terms of honoring the feminine and the special role
she plays in life and on the spiritual path.
Below are some of the lessons that have been
added over the years covering the woman's point of view and experience in
tantra, based on feedback from many female practitioners. There are numerous
other places in both the main lessons and tantra lessons where it is
emphasized that yogic and tantric techniques and resulting experiences apply
equally for women and men.
We continue to add to the lessons in AYP Plus,
and more additions may come that will further clarify techniques and
experiences from the woman's point of view. Feedback is always welcome.
Thank you for bringing this up, and all the best
on your path!
Note:For detailed instructions on the
methods of tantra in relation to the broad scope of yoga practices and the
enlightenment process, see theTantra Online Book.