redbushlighter
USA
22 Posts
Posted - Nov 02 2019 : 11:35:54 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Topic Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Message Delete Topic
Hello everyone,
I've recently been coming to terms with the fact that I never felt any love from my parents growing up. Not that I was abused, I just don't think my parents knew how to love their children (they were not ready to have kids.)
This has affected me in many ways. It's hard for me to even analyze the way it's affected me because it has occurred on such a deep level. I judge myself very harshly, have trouble opening up to people (even the ones closest to me,) and I find it difficult to engage in activities that I otherwise love due to me believing that I can never get anywhere with them.
It's like a constant gnawing feeling. I generally resign to the feeling and just try to occupy my time meditating, reading, playing music. But it's always there. It has been an ongoing thing throughout my life and I'm not sure how to go about working with it. I recently started an audio book about Adult Children (I am 21) so I've got that.
I wonder if any of you can offer me some advice. I am in therapy right now but I am not going frequently enough (my therapist seems to only be able to see my twice a month.) I feel paralyzed most of the time and I want to heal. I want to so badly.
Thanks for reading. Take care
interpaul
USA
91 Posts
Posted - Nov 02 2019 : 2:51:51 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
redbushlighter, I feel for you. I too was raised by parents who didn't know how to love. It has come back to haunt me at times in intimate relationships as I feel unlovable at times and never feel like I can make up for the deficit from my childhood. Therapy is a good idea. AYP is helpful too. I joined a men's group recently and find this helpful for getting feedback from others who struggle with similar stuff. There are some AA type groups for adult children of dysfunctional families. You may be able to find regular meetings in your area to get additional support. Good luck.
Dogboy
USA
1711 Posts
Posted - Nov 03 2019 : 11:23:19 AM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Journal writing is a good way to organize your thoughts, feelings, regrets in a manner you can see, revisit, reflect upon. Shining a light on shadows makes them disappear, and even if they reappear, you know what does/does not reside in the darkness there.
At some point, forgiving your parents for their inadequacy will also help you. Forgiveness does not absolve them of the wrongdoing, but can get you to a place of peace and well being.
edit: wording
Edited by - Dogboy on Nov 03 2019 10:12:07 PM
redbushlighter
USA
22 Posts
Posted - Nov 03 2019 : 2:22:53 PM Show Profile Email Poster Edit Reply Reply with Quote View user's IP address Get a Link to this Reply Delete Reply
Thank you Interpaul and Dogboy for your replies. You have each given me some things to think about.
