Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Jun 14 2017 : 5:48:42 PM
Thank you all beautiful souls for your feedback. This all is so delicate and to the core for me. I'm not sure how much I can really respond right now to all your feedback aside from saying I shall let it all marinade. Any and all feedback is helpful, thank you. Ultimately I know it's about trusting my own heart/ inner wisdom and moving from that place. When I live from that place, my life always flows and God takes care of me and I know I'm where I'm meant to be. Joy is such an indicator that I'm in the right place. I'm so present to that as I'm sitting in the city we are to be moving to looking for housing and feel just butterflies and rainbows in my heart knowing I'm meant to be here! To be continued...C
Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Jul 20 2017 : 10:25:01 PM
Hi Everyone! It's really helpful to bring all you souls with me on this big transition...so leaving my 12 Step Recovery meetings is another BIG deal in this transition of moving across the country that really just hit me last night. I began recovery nearly 11 yrs ago (feels like yesterday though!) and these meetings and the people have been a lifeline. I was visiting where I'll be moving last wk and went to a Recovery meeting there to get myself established in a new group. Luckily, it won't affect my sponsor relationship because we've talked on the phone for years and I only see her a few times a year anyway, but it feels like a huge loss to leave the 12 Step community where I live. I believe (God willing) my sobriety will remain intact but it feels like a hurdle. So my plan is to call people from the new meeting and avail myself as a sponsor to people in the new group for now. I am grateful that the city where I am moving has an abundance of meetings though. Just needed to share that. Thank you for listening! C
Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Jul 21 2017 : 08:49:09 AM
one day at a time
lalow33
USA
929 Posts
Posted - Jul 23 2017 : 9:52:20 PM
My sister moved out West. She likes this song, maybe you will?
Hold On
Tom Waits
Lyrics
They hung a sign up in our town
"If you live it up, you won't live it down"
So she left Monte Rio, son
Just like a bullet leaves a gun
With her charcoal eyes and Monroe hips
She went and took that California trip
Oh, the moon was gold, her hair like wind
Said, "don't look back, just come on, Jim"
Oh, you got to hold on, hold on
You gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, he gave her a dimestore watch
And a ring made from a spoon
Everyone's looking for someone to blame
When you share my bed, you share my name
Well, go ahead and call the cops
You don't meet nice girls in coffee shops
She said, "baby, I still love you"
Sometimes there's nothin' left to do
Oh, but you got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on and take my hand
I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Well, God bless your crooked little heart
St. Louis got the best of me
I miss your broken China voice
How I wish you were still here with me
Oh, you build it up, you wreck it down
Then you burn your mansion to the ground
Oh, there's nothing left to keep you here
But when you're falling behind in this big blue world
Oh, you've got to hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
Down by the Riverside motel
It's ten below and falling
By a ninety-nine cent store
She closed her eyes and started swaying
But it's so hard to dance that way
When it's cold and there's no music
Oh, your old hometown's so far away
But inside your head there's a record that's playing
A song called "Hold On", hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right there, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, hold on
Babe, you gotta hold on
And take my hand, I'm standing right here, you gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on, baby
You gotta hold on, girl
You gotta hold on
You gotta hold on
Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Jul 25 2017 : 10:50:55 PM
Great song! I just listened to it! I'm holding on somehow lalow33!! A crying mess but I'm holidng on! Just missing everyone I've ever loved in my life right now as I leave my hometown...
I speak Spanish and was reflecting today on the word "hogar." It's a word that means home but doesn't directly translate. It means alot more than home, its actually more like "soul" and in the Latino culture (or at least Colombian culture) it really means that your home is a reflection of your soul and such a deep part of yourself. You're home is your soul and your soul is your home I suppose...So what/where is home anyway is the real question?
On what I will coin my "relocation to CA midlife crisis journey" (I shall at least retain my sense of humor throughout this upheaval, LOL!) I just visited my childhood home a few days ago that I had not visited since we moved from there 20 years ago. It was such a special experience to return as an adult to all these happy and sad childhood memories (so many memories which arise while I meditate). Some of my happiest memories as a child were climbing trees and when I meditate I often visualize this specific tree and it was so special to be able to touch that same tree after so many years. I thought I would feel so sad to return to the house but it was such a sense of completion and something I felt the itch to do before I left. I'm so glad I did.
...and to leave my mom and dad really for the first time on a permanent basis- the grief of that is deeper than I anticipated. The last time I felt this level of upheaval in my life was when I began recovery nearly 11 years ago. I do know that this too shall pass and where I will be 3, 6 mos down the road will be a different place. I can also see the fruits of this experience. I've noticed that my being able to be as upfront and honest as I have been on this forum has actually given me more courage in my business to be able to put myself out there more publicly which I've sort of shyed away from before. So I think courage is something I've been gaining in this process.
Gratefully, I have alot of support around me both here and in my 3D life right now. Thank you all for reading my journal! Much loveC
Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Aug 11 2017 : 4:50:57 PM
Hi All, Just wanted to continue to share my relocation to CA journey...So today we left and are driving cross country -something I've never done before and it feels like an exciting pilgrimage!
It's bittersweet leaving the place I was born and raised with my support network but there's a real sense of peace and completion. I was just reflecting on what's happened in and around me the past few months.
I've faced the loss of leaving courageously and squarely in the eye- shed many tears, experienced resurgence of kundalini/purification/dark nights of the soul, experienced undeniable psychic abilities not previously experienced; somehow cared for my children, reconnected with the AYP forum, experienced the healing and joy of reconnection of an old childhood friend, opened Pandora's box and shared my truth about someone I still love after so many years, been transparent with my husband and shared authentically with him (I still am yet to have clarity on the long term direction of my marriage- I just know we are meant to be together now and support each other through this move). I've laughed hysterically with family and friends, revisited old childhood landmarks, supported my husband and son through their grief of moving, oh yeah, sold our house (well in the process right now, fingers crossed to close sept 15); enjoyed a few going away parties; and this week flagrantly and publicly individually acknowledged the special people in my life.
This life is so short and I never want to miss an opportunity to play full out, regardless of people's judgments of me or the courage it takes- and I can squarely say I have played full out these past few months! I feel like I said what I needed to say and did what I needed to do before leaving.
I feel complete now and the support of loved ones behind me and I feel ready and excited for this new unknown chapter in my life!
I want to acknowledge you all on this forum for continuing to support me through challenging times in my life. I'm grateful to call this community my own. Much love always, Chard
Edited by - Chard on Aug 11 2017 5:01:38 PM
Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Aug 11 2017 : 10:07:18 PM
Take good care, Godspeed!
Charliedog
1528 Posts
Posted - Aug 12 2017 : 03:46:00 AM
Have a smooth journey
Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Sep 02 2017 : 4:20:20 PM
I'd love to get some support...
For those of you who haven't followed the above thread, in short our family moved to CA a few wks ago after moving from place I've lived my entire life. It's lovely here and a wonderful place for our family- I haven't looked over my shoulder once...
Yet I've never felt more alone especially in the evenings. We know one family in the area who is away for the wknd. I'm here alone with my two kids for a month without my husband who in 17 yrs I've never been away from for more than a wk.
I didn't realize how I've never really been alone, even just sleeping alone is lonely (and a little scary actually!). Yet I've also thought I've gotten to the place in my life where I can be with myself and appreciate solitude, especially with small children- solitude is a luxury. I often love being away just myself for the day.
Also in the midst of just moving, my marriage is on the rocks and I feel really unsettled. A lot of questioning of am I with him because I'm afraid to be alone and attached to him, or because we co-parent well and because it's best for the kids etc? I'm just in a lot of pain and confusion (and I feel like I'm also taking on a lot of my husband's pain energetically) and feeling a lot of loneliness. Also my kids at times are feeling needy now with transition as well. It's also been hard to connect w my friends back home because when kids are asleep and I have my time it's too late at night with time difference.
I have been hitting recovery meetings and enjoying playing with my kids outdoors and daytime has been fine but it's mainly evenings.
I could just use some supportive words from this community now. Thank you!
Much love, C
Edited by - Chard on Sep 02 2017 4:31:14 PM
sunyata
USA
1386 Posts
Posted - Sep 02 2017 : 8:06:25 PM
Dear Chard,
Human beings are resilent. I understand what you are going through. I've been following your posts and you have a joyful outlook. Focus on that and make the best of what life has to offer.
Much Love
Edited by - sunyata on Sep 02 2017 8:06:59 PM
Dogboy
USA
1547 Posts
Posted - Sep 02 2017 : 8:37:42 PM
Treat yourself well in this downshift time, eat right, get sleep, give away your troubles through samyama. If your kids are needy, serve them with a lovely smile. If your husband is distant, text him a love poem. If you feel down try to lighten it with breath, or turn your face to the sun and marinate in it. You have a lot of creative tools at your disposal!
parvati9
USA
587 Posts
Posted - Sep 02 2017 : 10:30:35 PM
Chard
Such sweet advice you are receiving. Probably don't need to remind you that the kind of move you recently made is extremely stressful for your entire family and will perhaps take more time to recover from than you think is required. Remember to put in the effort to stay grounded, triple grounded. If you want to oversleep, that's okay too. Do you have a creative outlet - sketching/ painting, playing a musical instrument, journaling or writing short stories, etc.? Projects for the new house? Is a winter garden feasible, what vegies grow well in your area? Now would be a great time to explore your creative talent or lack thereof. I'm an artist because it gives me joy. Find your joy. Better yet give it a chance to find you, be open to it. Fall will be here soon and what a lovely time of year. Breathe in all that beauty and respond to it as well as you can.
love
parvati
Charliedog
1528 Posts
Posted - Sep 03 2017 : 03:14:05 AM
Dear Chard,
I agree with all the loving support above.This is a time of stress and change in your life and it is normal to feel uncomfortable and lonely. You all have to settle down and that is not an overnight happening but you already know this.
Maybe keep a short daily journal to let some frustrations go and finish the page with some positives, decorate the page with some doodle or collage work, it doesn't have to be beautiful
Sending and strength.
BlueRaincoat
United Kingdom
1462 Posts
Posted - Sep 03 2017 : 05:12:36 AM
You are on journey of self-discovery Chard. So much you are learning about yourself!
I understand it feels difficult. I'll add my good wished to those already made by the other respondents. Look after yourself and those around you. You will be so much richer for having been through this experience.
Blanche
USA
543 Posts
Posted - Sep 03 2017 : 09:46:07 AM
Hi Chard,
Thank you for sharing. Moving to a new place is challenging. It is like coming to a new bon fire. You leave the warmth and light of the old fire, where you were in the middle of the circle of friends, to go to sit by another fire. At the new place, you are at the edge, far away from the center, away from the warmth, light, and friends. The people by the fire are settled, and it takes time (six months or so) to get in the circle.
You do have the children, and they are a great way to meet new people. Maybe you could go regularly to a playground, and meet other parents with children. Public libraries and many museums have programs for children. Look in the local newspaper and online for ideas. Also, plan something for each day, take advantage of the fact that you do not have social obligations, and explore the area. It will keep the kids busy and entertained, and help to manage the loneliness of moving to a new place.
Making some long term plans may help, too, as there will be something to look forward to in the foreseeable future. Maybe I'll see you again at a retreat. Take a look at the
AYP retreat at Menla Mountain Retreat next June. Menla is an amazing place, and it supports the Tibet cause. Cristi will come from UK to co-lead. We renegotiated the prices, and got a sponsor, so things are more affordable. Let me know if you have any questions.
Best wishes!
Blanche
Chard
239 Posts
Posted - Sep 05 2017 : 01:52:22 AM
Thank you all! Your responses are really supportive to me right now during this time.
Sunyata, thanks for "joyous outlook" compliment. That makes me feel joyous to just hear that!
Thanks Dogboy! I've been focusing on eating well, enjoyed the sunshine and jumped in the ocean this wknd, and took your advice and sent my husband a supportive and loving poem. I just want to love myself and him throughout this regardless of the outcome.
Parvati, thank you for those special reminders...I'm going to sign up for classes at a yoga studio here tmrw, I thought I'd buy some clay and start sculpting after kids go to sleep and there's endless outdoor activities here which is great! I got a sitter today and went to energy healer today which I think was helpful too.
Charliedog, you are definitely right, it is to be expected to have these feelings during this time, I just didn't expect such an unraveling on various levels.
Thank you BlueRaincoat, I do agree that I'm sure I'll be richer (hopefully financially too! Haha!) after I come through this experience!!
Thank you Blanche, I love the analogy with the bonfire and great suggestions regarding long term plan.
I'm so grateful to the loving support of this community right now. I'm trying to reach out for all the support available to me to help myself now.
I just pray to God for clarity re my husband and guidance one day at a time and just to know I'm where I'm supposed to be for today. There are times when you just want God/Divine to whisper very clearly in your ear, "You are on the path and where you are meant to be. All is well. Trust and rest in my loving embrace." This is one of those times.
Loads of love to all tonight! Chard
